these negative comments are not well-thought out and predicated on the author's gender. they disgust me.

Thanks to cranky grandmother's. As a marriage and family therapist with two failed marriages,

I wish that I could have handed clients this story, so full of truth and promise. Thank you.

It is only in recent years and in modern Western societies that marriage has been promoted as some fairytale love affair. And still, in certain circles, it continues to be about money, power and position

jkf943 has written an excellent summary of the predicament of the white collar/blue collar cross-breeding program, which is what this story is really about.

For once in my life, I actually have to agree with something said by Joan Walsh, which is that love is the answer. Once you accept that the relationship is permanent, once the couple are truly bonded, then you start to look for workable solutions.

So the author's story, contrary to what some responders have implied, is a condemnation of the naive princess/happily ever after model of marriage and favors workable solutions.

In the immortal words of Burt Bacharach:

What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of ...

Why is the author or anyone surprised that she would consider dumping a guy because he isn't bringing home the dough? Women have this drillied into their brains from the time they can hear. Find the sexy rogue/pirate, hop into the sack, turn him into the money producing prince. Wala! You get to spend the rest of your life painting, reading, blah blah blah. If you need a refresher, rent Pretty Woman, Blue Crush, or any chick flick. Men are just as dilusional. We want to find the beautiful maiden in distress, save her and have her be eternally greatful. Einstein had it right. "Women think men will always change and men think women never will".

in response to my post, you wrote:

"He better go someplace warm, because if he keeps expecting his wife to support him, he's going to be homeless."

perhaps I read the article wrong, but the young man in question appeared to be self sufficient, at least until the author stumbled into his life, all sex addled, upper class pampered, fantasy riddled and oblivious to the obvious.

to be honest, what particularly irked me was the underlying POV, which seemed to me to be: "aren't I fabulous because I overcame his awful unambitious transgressions and laissez-faire flaws. AND LOOK AT ME!! I'm STILL spectacular!"

is this gen X self love/indulgence? maybe gen y? gen z? who cares? unbearably self indulgent and BORING.

and for a writer, boring is about as bad as it gets.

Paul _could_ do a _lot_ better. What a whiny, self-absorbed bi***. Everything handed to her on a silver patter and materialistic to boot.

The headline and synopsis for this article make Marisa Belger seem a lot more selfish than she really was - and the important thing is was as she got over it.

Long term relationships will experience rough patches where couples fight over differences. It's part of learning to accept them. Money brought on this fight, but it happens to everyone. More importantly, the made up and got better at dealing with each other and finding solutions.

So this is a happy story about growing within a relationship. The headline, however, sets up Belger to seem like a bitch.

Boo, Salon editors, boo!

"...about one of the oldest subjects in the book -- gender, love and finance -- and the judgemental assholes come out in droves."

Guess it takes one to know one (judgemental a-hole).

Also, this piece is from a forthcoming book - so this is actually just part of the publicity push to get sales going...so much for "young female writers" needing the "love" of Joan Walsh...more like publisher needing advertising - why not give us a review of the book, instead of this excerpt?

... from this book extract is that they have hourly motel room rentals in California. Here in Florida that is definitely a no-no and I would never have known about this interesting aspect of the freewheeling California lifestyle without this article.

I had to force myself to finsih reading this poorly written sob story - I actually skipped the last two paragraphs (too painful to finish). I dont feel sorry for her; I feel sorry for the guy who married her.

Gee, I hope he gets smart,dumps her,and moves back to the beach.

"It is easier to love a rich man, than to love a poor one"

Your implicit argument that women are shallow and self-centered creatures isn't a new one, nor is the obvious counterargument terribly hard to deliver:

Is it easier to love a beautiful woman than to love a homely one?

I have ranted about self absorbed Salon essays, but this was one which was about becoming less self-absorbed.

Word to these quotes:

Thadeus Crumb:

"Let's support people who choose to grow up. Let's save our viciousness for people who refuse to grow up, continue to blame everybody but themselves for their situation, and consider their constant whining to be an example of the highest courage."

Rachel Avery:

"In less than a year, out here in the world where it matters, the writer managed to pull it together with her husband and solve some very real compatibility problems. I know people that couldn't manage to solve pettier, simpler problems in eight years. She had some immature and irresponsible thoughts and fantasies along the way, but she kicked them aside and got over them."

Allie:

"Okay, hands up, everyone here who has never behaved badly and then learned a lesson from it. Oh, you? And you and you and you and you? Geez... I must somehow have stumbled into the alternative world full of people who were born perfect."

Honestly, if one is going to get mad at a writer, pick apart what they actually wrote rather than the ideas the headline makes you think they wrote.