I enjoyed reading this article! I am married and also work as a couple's therapist! Ms. Belger shared how she found her independence and resiliency after a voice in her head challenged her to look at her what she could do to help her marriage. When working with couples, I often hope and pray for aha-like moments Ms. Belger has shared. It can be hard to look at ourselves but really worthwhile! Thank you for a wonderful article. I will share it with my couples and my friends and family!

When we are young, beautiful and in love money does not matter. As we become older into our retirement years it matters a lot. In this day and age being flexible in one's abilities to make a buck are everything. Not being forced to live in government housing in elder years is a real plus, too. I think about this when dating. Sad, but true.

After having spent a childhood in a neighborhood rife with entitled fortunate golden gentry-spawn such as yourself, I find it difficult to feel much compassion for you and your story. Sadly enough, I wasn't one of you. My folks lived from paycheck to paycheck, pretending all the while to be just as (pick your adjective) as the neighbors. As such, I have little to no tolerance for your plight. When the going gets tough, you'll take a little trip to Tahiti to figure things out, Mummy and/or Dad are sure to pick up the check, eventually. Aaaaaaagh!!! It's just way too annoying. Most of the world doesn't have an economic safety net. Most of the world doesn't have parents who give them free Manhatten apartments. Yes, I am hugely envious of the privilege that once lived next door. Yes, I wouldn't throw away an apartment in SoHo. But, please don't expect me to feel sad for you because you've been inordinately spoiled. Its just too ridiculous, bubble girl.

I'm surprised no one has asked the obvious question:

If the genders of the author and her spouse were reversed, would that change your perception? What would you think of a young man from a priveleged background who expected his working-class wife to support him so that he could pursue a freelance writing career? Who considered dumping the wife when she didn't make his dream a reality in the first year of marriage? And who, finally, was surprised to discover that financial security involved going out and getting himself a job?

As for the months of unemployment, yes, it can happen. (I've been there.) Even restaurants want experienced waiters, and there's no shortage of those in NYC.

Benjamin-the-donkey,

Personally I'd want to punch the guy and tell him to get a job real job like Paul and grow a pair.

Ha! That made me laugh. I've never ever seen Ms. Walsh dropping like a deus ex machina into any of Cary's columns and there were a few that I think it would have been warranted.

I started in print journalism back in 1980 when I was in high school and very quickly learned that when you put your byline on an article you damn well better be able to back it up and take the critiques. It's what makes us better journalists and writers.

Sadly I saw the results of our therapeutic society in my last (and sadly, I mean last) print job in 2005. There was so much hand holding going on I felt like some kind of freak.

Look, you cannot blame Marisa for her core values. They were molded and shaped over a lengthy period of her developmental years. She knows of no other way to think, feel and react but yes, she is can and hopefully is, learning.

In many cases, I was a victim of this myself. Mom trundled me off to my first shrink at 13. I have found out over the years that only by facing the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, can a well modulated person emerge. Some say adversity doesn't build character but reveals it. I'm not so sure that isn't the case with everyone. I had to have life slap the crap out of me before I finally realized what is real and what is to be cherished.

I think Marisa will need a few more of these kinds of personal tribulations to fully understand what real adversity is instead of that which we create in our head.

There was an earlier letter writer that made the point that that which exists in the mind is only make believe. I know that is wrong - the reality we create in our heads quite often becomes the reality in our external world. Your thoughts eventually translate into behavior.

I'm beginning to think that the best thing we can teach our children is that while life is a struggle for most from start to finish, there is much joy and much to learn if we only realize that we control the way we react to the external stimuli. The movie "Life is Beautiful" probably stretched credulity, but the basic premise is the same.

Some people learn this early, with others it may only come on their death bed.

If I may close with something maudlin (my nature being an incurable romantic) one of the best songs I ever heard that addressed this in relationships is Carly Simon's "The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of." Give it a listen.

It's been my observation in recent years that many young women want to GET married, but do not want to BE married if Being married doesn't provide a lifestyle common to that of a pre-tragedy lifetime movie.

Practically every generation in my family (300 years-both sides, thanks to slavery) has gotten married EXPECTING to struggle financially. Divorce or separation over a lack of money was unheard of. Until my generation. It seems that higher education brings on higher expectations of comfort and luxury without the logical assessment of the financial realities that higher education OUGHT to provide. I find it hard to believe that a college educated woman could have been this ignorant of the real world. With few exceptions, wannabe actors and a wannabe writers end up eating wannabe food.

What is most disturbing about her thought process is that she never considered the effect that being dumped would have on her husband and child. Love is not that self-centered. Equality between the sexes includes a sharing of burdens as well as benefits.

Forgive me if I don't applaud the writer's "courage". I guess I haven't gotten that memo redefining "for better or for worse". If marriage is only an extension of "playing house", why bother with the ceremony of commitment, when comfort is the real goal?