I'm a freelance writer, too, and have learned this lesson painfully, and you should, too: When you write these things, sometimes your self-deprecating style doesn't serve you well. I understand that a lot of what you wrote was self-deprecating, intended to make you look bad, building up the reader to the moment you realized what a dolt you were... but I think you overdid it, actually.

It's still a good read, but hopefully you've figured out what you did in the writing that caused the ruckus. You just overdid the self-deprecation.

The husband does not seem to be a lazy freeloading oaf, which would be different story (no human being, male or female, likes to be taken advantage of). Many people who seem to have "ADD" and did badly in school are in fact creative geniuses, great at art, music, mechanics, or sports, i.e. their greatest strengths are not seen or noticed in regular school, which primarily rewards verbal or mathemetical ability. Too many of these people spend their lives trying to be what they are not and cannot be, and being criticized for their failures, rather than seeing that they can achieve what no others can achieve in creative areas. I suggest that the writer look to her husband's strengths rather than his weaknesses. Therein will lie the key to both his happiness and his future employment, as well as hers.

Its easy for her, she's a writer, a strength valued throughout school.

Does that mean i have a green light to dump my wife of 20 years because she refuses to work full time ?.....oh that's right she gets half of everything i have and 50% of my net salary......nevermind.

I thought it was an honest essay, in which both people got realistic and grew up a little. I could see it made into a romantic comedy with Reese Witherspoon or Kate Hudson.

If Marisa had provided her age the reader could hav gained some perspective on her expectations (naivete in a 23-year-old is easier to forgive than in a worldly woman of 33).

Anyway, I am glad the couple stayed together and hope they keep working at the marriage.

My wife did leave me after 12 years when she realized I would never be wealthy, and that she would have to return to working full-time once our children were both in school, as we had agreed. (She out-earned me when we wed, but I have always worked, and once had a second job so she could stay home with babies.)

My wife lifted our savings, left me with the house and credit-card debt, took the kids and moved in (rent-free) with her mother. I pay child support and I envy people who can afford to eat three meals a day.

I'm still in the house, which, of course, can now only be sold at a loss. I ocassionally see the kids on weekends, and once got to take them on a short trip, only after threatening my ex with the law.

The lesson: Talk long and hard about money, children and your hopes and expectations BEFORE marriage. Make sure you are on the same page. But don't believe a word the other person says. And get a pre-nup.

Find a nice rich guy who has enough to weather the coming depression. Jeesh, what whining.

D

I hope her husband leaves and goes back home to warm winters and pacific tides.

But it does mean that if you "lose your job" and sit on your ass for eight months until your wife does start working full time, and she thinks about dumping you, then doesn't and writes an essay about it, tons of people will take your side.

I have known my husband for 12 years. I have been married to him for eight years. He has been employed for a total of five years that whole time. I have been supporting us since the beginning. I wish I would have never met him and I double wish I never would have went out with him. The marriage part would have taken care of itself if these two things had occurred.

People don't change, especially 39-year-old men. We are overloaded in debt, which, according to him, is my fault, because he "doesn't buy anything, ever." He stomps around the house, complaining because it is old and drafty. He tells me how I should do more, run for political office; he is always finding jobs for me, not him.

Where am I to go? I have no money. Nothing. I am trapped in this. I am happy for the writer, but real life is a kick in the teeth and people just suck. And so does his family. So it is my fault, too. Knowing that doesn't make it any less miserable.

He better go someplace warm, because if he keeps expecting his wife to support him, he's going to be homeless.

for deciding not to be a materialistic, cold-hearted bitch

and found a new employee to work for you.

I imagine people react strongly to this piece because:

a) Men are primarily valued for their ability to provide.

b) Women primarily are valued for their attractiveness.

We may like to fool ourselves, thinking our progressive minds have moved beyond such base attitudes, but they really haven't. Of course you can argue there is a strong biological impetus behind all this, but people still rail against superficiality in others.

Like other readers I am sure, I have reversed the situation in my mind, and I have every confidence that those defending Ms. Belger wouldn't be so quick to defend a man who though about leaving his spouse after she gains 40 pounds and her boobs drop half way to her hips after breast feeding his two children. Not only should this hypothetical man not be so shallow, he should have the affluence to hire a personal trainer for his wife and pay for the breast lift.

Curiously, the man is the big loser in both situations. No wonder men have shorter life expectancies.

Keg bot- kudos on recognizing the real problem

Mr Mor - Sorry about what happened -perhaps if you see your wife as a sick person it won't be so painful. Tremendous financial insecurity combined with fear of work is a kind of paralysis.. What sane person would choose them?

Winstonian - no one should have to live with those kind of feelings for more than a few hours, much less years. Please see a therapist and try to see where you are stuck. You deserve to feel better.