Modern time has us looking for The One in too many ways, when the truth is much more complex. Looks like you beat a crippling neurosis the old fashioned way.

What I'm challenging is naivete, a naivete that generally can't be experienced away because we all have our default settings, which are our parents' default settings, which are our grandparents' default settings, etc. This is why, in the thicket of battle, we find ourselves saying those things our parents said, no matter how ineffectual. We don't just revert to what we heard in our childhoods. We revert to what our great-great-greatgrandparents heard in their childhoods. Yet, despite the contrary evidence, we tell ourselves narratives of great and everlasting change. Ms. Belger's story is such a narrative. She reveals her ginormous naivete in her final four words, which are "happily married for good."

"See," she nearly says, "it's solved! We bested the dragon! We're happily ever after!!!"

But if she had sufficient vision, she would see that more dragons are coming, a swarm of them, because more dragons are always coming.

As regards Ms. Walsh and my (Of course, I might be badly observing.) observation that she's more likely to defend young female writers, if so, that's sexism and predicated upon an assumption that the females need more swaddling, more of Mother Walsh standing between the bullies and her babies.

I’ve only skimmed the letters but jeesh! What judgmental people. I left my first husband over money and I was (and am) anything but spoiled. I grew up in a family that was eligible for free lunches, but never participated because my parents found it humiliating to even be considered. My father made a decent income, but there were 7 kids to be supported. We were poor and never had anything fancy, but we had what we needed.

My father’s salary rose as children grew up and moved out and my parents finally moved out of our tiny house into something more spacious. I mention this because they could afford to keep the tiny house and that’s where my husband and I lived because we couldn’t afford rent anywhere else. I supported him for 6 years. Like the author’s husband, my ex had (has) dreams of being an actor and he didn’t want a full time job because it might interfere with his big break. We lived in Houston, TX, not exactly a bastion of the arts, the entire time we were married he went on maybe a dozen auditions. I had a full time job and supported us both. Neither of us went to the doctor while we were married. I had insurance, but we couldn’t afford the copay. Every emergency expense, such as car repair, was paid for with credit cards. The year I left was his most successful, financially speaking. He made a little over $8000.

I stopped loving him. I understand the author’s position. How can you love anyone when every moment of every day is spent in a cold sweat because you fear the future? I’m an actor, too, but I didn’t grow up with stars in my eyes, I grew up with respect for food on the table and clothes on my back. I grew up with respect for my parents who worked their asses off and made unbelievable sacrifices to make sure their children were safe and fed. I lost respect for my ex when I realized he’d rather live in squalor with an unhappy wife than help out with the money.

Do I regret my decision? Hell no. I’m living a middle class life. No vacations, but we have a few luxuries. We’d have more but still paying off the debt accrued during my first marriage. I took it all on, partly from guilt, and partly because I was scared he’d ruin my credit if I trusted him with half. I also let him remain in my parents house, where he remains to this day, over ten years later. No one wants to kick him out because everyone likes him and feels sorry for him. Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien

"Honest" and "brave" are two words often applied to these confessional essays, which are generally assigned to women. These two words are a meme, but the greater meme is that women are more often assigned to write these "honest and brave" essays. When writing about successful sex or sputtering sex, it's women at Salon, those "honest and brave" writers. I'm not saying that such writing doesn't require one to be honest and brave, but I am suggesting that there are patterns in play, where certain sorts of people are assigned particular roles and others respond in the expected ways, praising them as honest and brave.

It's all right to dump your spouse because she or he doesn't make enough money, but it's terribly wrong to be judgemental?

What a pair! She comes off as spoiled and he as lazy. Still. both seem to be taking needed first steps toward changing their habits. Let's hope they can keep that up.

The emptiness is staggering.

No, it's all right to dump your spouse because he doesn't even TRY to make ANY money and it is wrong to be judgmental of the woman for wanting to be supported rather than the man for actually being supported.

If anyone here honestly believes that the husband had no way of getting a job in New York City for the entire nine months he was unemployed, speak up.

If you don't believe that, I have no idea why you're condemning the wife.

You all seem to think she's so awful for wanting to write a book and raise a kid while being perfectly OK with him sitting on his ass for all that time.

They were just fine when he had a job, even one that didn't pay much. He probably could have walked outside his building and found a restaurant job within two blocks of his place, yet he let her support him for all that time.

And you blame her for being pissed?