"It's your fault too,"

Too?

Unless you left something out, it wasn't his fault at all...

So the fair Marisa listens to the voices in her head (medication can help with that) and decides not to inflict herself upon an exotic third world country. Malaysia dodged a bullet but poor Paul is still stuck with a histrionic, self entitled, money grubbing wife. Let us all hope that Paul meets a nice girl at work. He's obviously had a hell of a time lately and could use a bit of luck.

Hopefully, you're both healthy now and will stay that way for a long time. Wait 'till your kids get into trouble, or someone gets a debiltating illness or the years set in and the sickness and decrepitude that's hard to imagine now begins to take its toll -- then tell those of us who are left how it's going.

...even when unemployed, please, quit your whining. Come ON.

Poor Paul.

When will this kind of lame "confessional" essay by spoiled NYC scenesters finally go out of style?

please ignore all the haters who will be spewing venom at you every other letter

Nothing wrong with being histrionic, nor with growing up. She pulled her socks up, got a job, found a cheaper place to live, and reignited her relationship with her husband. That's all good.

It's hard to be poor, I've been there and it's not easy; particularly if you have little to no skill at making do. And she specifically gave up the fantasy of international travel because she couldn't afford it. She grieved some dreams that are instilled in many girls growing up, and that's okay too.

My husband is currently having severe medical problems that make it difficult for him to do anything, much less work; and we're doing fine as a couple, but we have nearly two decades together that we've spent growing up and supporting each other. That makes it easier. I'm sure she and her husband will do fine together, they've already weathered one low spot and that bodes well.

I'd also suggest that the husband may not just have ADD like problems, but ADD itself. Adults can have it too. Might want to get it checked out. Go to the CHADD site and see if you think it matches, if it does then get a recommendation for a good doctor to confirm it or rule it out. As a sufferer of depression, the right brain meds made all the difference to me; and I'd think the same is true for ADD people.

I can't be as critical as the others; bet they're just bitter because they've been dumped for being poor. It hurts, believe me... seeing your woman look at you with shame and resentment for not making her childhood fairy-tale dreams come true. They look at you and see that sad saddle-bag of debt you have to carry around, and then trudge off into the sunset, your heart in hand.

I'm so turning gay. Or maybe escorts.. hmm.

At age 51, 2 years after some very serious illnesses I lost my $115k job. No job for 9 months now and counting. I've mostly been happy, cooking, cleaning, raising the boys, while my wife continues her very rewarding and tiring but lowish paid teaching job. Never one for faith and giving thanks I give a lot of thanks for a mate that never loses her patience, or her faith in me because finally after 25 years of being the rain maker, I can't make it rain anymore. I'm looking for jobs for half of the money now, unemployment ends in less then 3 months.

After reading this piece, I'm going to pray in the darkness tonight. Thank god I married my wife and not this whiny wreck - Marisa.

... who's 14-year marriage fell apart due to money issues a little less than two-years ago I kind of enjoyed this story - it had a happy ending. I'll take that any day.

My wife, unfortunately, never came to the conclusion via an inner-voice that she was also to blame for our financial downfall. She just blamed me for everything and up and split. That was almost two years ago and I haven't heard from her since.

Strangely enough, I'm still a basket case over it.

I too thought "Love" was going to carry us through the rough times.

Man, was I wrong ...

The world we live in rewards people unequally and arbitrarily. If you are going to be in a long relationship that goes through several economic cycles, then you have to get rid of all ideas about who earns the bread and just be glad that someone does. I am a woman and I earn the money in our relationship. I also do all the cooking. But my partner is wonderfully helpful and does all the errands and the schlepping and also keeps the household running. I am incredibly grateful for him and his efforts and his happy attitude. He reciprocates. And the kids know both of us quite well, since we are around and we are both always on duty. We are lucky. BUT both of you really have to get rid of your preconceived notions about who earns the money. Our relationship is way better than those I know where the man brings home a big paycheck and expects a high level of service from his well-educated wife.

for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health...

Do these words mean anything anymore?

I suspect that's why so many of the letters above were negative and so full of spite. Those who have had similar problems--losing a job, struggling to find a new one--tend to criticize themselves so much already, it's easy to get angry at someone who vicariously criticizes them by having fights with a partner in the same job-searching situation.

I'm sad to see this happen, because they miss the important point: that people grow and solve their problems.

Yes, Ms Belger was overcritical, and her husband probably suffered more than he deserved from that. And yes, Ms Belger found out--by herself!--where the truth was, grew up, and learned something. And both of them are now happier.

Why the need to overcriticize her, especially after she learned her lesson and grew up?