...before the other boys start yelling at you.

As young males, up to our eyeballs in hormones and longing, many of us watched as comparably aged young women went for older men. "They're just more confident." "He owns a motorcycle." "He has money." blah blah blah

We listened to our sisters in their early 20's talk about all the fun they were having.

We hated you at first, ladies. But we eventually accepted that that was how the game is played. We learned to understand that we would have our moment too, that at 30 or 40, our career in full swing, WE would be the objects of longing. So we bit our lip, kept our heads down, and got back to work.

And you know what? We were right. The older I get, the better it gets for me and the harder it gets for women.

Is that fair? I'm not sure. But the whining and protestations from woman after woman, all of "a certain age," inevitably leads me to ask one question: were any of these women complaining when they were 21 years old, having a ball with the guy with the grad degree and the motorcycle and passing me up for a date?

I'm not trying to be mean, but are these older ladies REALLY trying to say that they should have all the fun when we're young AND all the fun when we're old? That, to me, doesn't seem fair.

Learn a new game. Take a colleague to lunch. My 63-year-old boss just married to a 63-year-old woman.

... and happy than to be unhappy. And you have to wonder whether it doesn't happen this way (accidentally) more often than not. Two married men, Ghandi and Tolstoy were much admired for their celibacy, which seemed to be linked to religious devotions, though the celibate Ghandi, it was later discovered, had been in the habit of sharing his bed with attractive young women (chastely, of course), though not his wife, for some years as part of his spiritual pathway.

Orwell said of Tolstoy:

One obvious expression of this is the claim that celibacy is 'higher' than marriage. If only, Tolstoy says in effect, we would stop breeding, fighting, struggling and enjoying, if we could get rid of not only our sins but of everything else that binds us to the surface of the earth--including love, in the ordinary sense of caring more for one human being than another--then the whole painful process would be over and the Kingdom of Heaven would arrive.

Personally, though, I have to wonder if Tolstoy didn't have a dose of syphilis or something similar cramping his marital style.

In all supportiveness and sympathy...

It doesn't matter what age you are: You're not going to meet someone (worth having sex with) if you're reclusive.

Your entire issue boils down to that one.

And by the way, yes, internet dating sucks, but meeting people on the internet in other contexts that might turn into dating doesn't.

In either real life or the internet, find common interest groups, get some flow of new people through your life, forget your quest among all the social life you're having, and that "click" will come along naturally.

Half the (dating) problem with growing older isn't the age itself - it's the loss of habits and venues from our younger days when meeting new people happened more randomly.

So if you don't like this (sexless) consequence of growing older, tackle the root of the cause. Romantic connections occur most of all from letting (or forcing) social randomness back into your life, no matter what age you are.

What did we learn? She could have sex, but she doesn't want to, because if she can't have everything she'd rather have nothing. Ok, fair enough. Seems a little crazy to me, but it's not an irrational choice. However, it does seem like many people, not just women, have such high expectations about the way things are supposed to be, that they miss out on a ton of experiences that might just turn out great, if a bit different. On the other hand, if she hasn't even masturbated for 15 years, then she probably doesn't have the kind of sex drive that would last much past the first anniversary anyway.

So I'd say you are doing fine, gal, no need for further essays on the topic.

OK, when I was young, I fell in love with a man my same age. Now I've been a widow for ten years, and learning to live alone. I have excellent discernment, I love good men and know how to make a relationship work, but there just plain aren't many healthy available men my age.

So, that's life. One reason there aren't many men around is that men die younger than women. That means most women end up alone; but we're alive, and life, once you get used to it, is sweet. I'd dearly love to have my husband back, but I won't claim to have the short end of the stick. He died, and I'm alive, and I owe it to him, who loved life so much, to enjoy every breath remaining.

If the few men left standing want to date younger women, well, they can make that choice because there are so few men and so many women.

Love men: protect men's health and well-being.

Meantime, get a dog or a cat--they don't charge for massages, and it's good to have another heart in the house.

I'm almost 40 with no kids & fucking hate dating. Love hearing stories of my guy friends embroiled in 2nd marriages that after a few years turn into a repeat of the 1st. Love hearing stories of my other guy friends who need to get laid so badly they string along women desperate enough to put up with it for some reason & the ever-present "where is this going" shit along with the requisite tears & breaking up cycle. Love my house & my space. Love not having to answer to anyone about my life. Love my own bed. I'm not a group person or social climber so I don't miss that pressure of keeping up with anyone because I just don't give a rat's ass. I do miss female companionship & the sex, but not the counterbalancing bullshit. It's quiet & lonely at times, but so was being married. Such is life.