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Saturday, Nov 7, 2009
Allow me to add to the chorus of readers who say that this is a really inappropriate topic.
What if Hillary Clinton had won the presidency? Would we ever talk about Bill Clinton's package in such gory details? No! And we've had the chance!!!
This is low class, and has nothing to do with Michelle, the first lady, our respected figure of state. She's a lady, Salon. So why don't you start treating her like one?
By Tom Adkins
Look at my fellow conservatives! There they go, glumly shuffling along,
depressed by the election aftermath. Not me. I'm virtually euphoric.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not thrilled with America 's flirtation with neo
socialism. But there's a massive silver lining in those magical clouds
that lofted Barak Obama to the Presidency. For today, without a shred
of intellectually legitimate opposition, I can loudly proclaim to
America : The Era of White Guilt is over.
This seemingly impossible event occurred because the vast majority of
white Americans didn't give a fluff about skin color, and
enthusiastically pulled the voting lever for a black man. Not just any
black man. A very liberal black man who spent his early career
race-hustling banks, praying in a racist church for 20 years, and
actively worked with America-hating domestic terrorists. Wow! Some
resume! Yet they made Barak Obama their leader. Therefore, as of Nov
4th, 2008, white guilt is dead.
For over a century, the millstone of white guilt hung around our necks,
retribution for slave-owning predecessors. In the 60s, American
liberals began yanking that millstone while sticking a fork in the eye
of black Americans, exacerbating the racial divide to extort a socialist
solution. But if a black man can become President, exactly what
significant barrier is left? The election of Barak Obama absolutely
destroys the entire validation of liberal white guilt. The dragon is
hereby slain.
So today, I'm feeling a little "uppity," if you will. From this day
forward, my tolerance level for having my skin color hustled is now
exactly ZERO. And it's time to clean house. No more Reverend Wright's
"God Damn America ," Al Sharpton's Church of Perpetual Victimization ,
or Jesse Jackson's rainbow racism. Cornell West? You're a fraud. Go
home. All those "black studies" programs that taught kids to hate
whitey? You must now thank Whitey. And I want that on the final.
Congressional Black Caucus? Irrelevant. Maxine Waters? Shut up.. ACORN?
Outlawed. Black Panthers? Go home and pet your kitty. Black separatists?
Find another nation that offers better dreams. Go ahead. I'm waiting.
Gangsta rappers? Start praising America . Begin with the Pledge of
Allegiance. And please...no more ebonics. Speak English, and who knows
where you might end up? Oh, yeah...pull up your pants. Your underwear is
showing. You look stupid.
To those Eurosnots who forged entire careers hating America ? I'm still
waiting for the first black French President.
And let me offer an equal opportunity whupping. I've always despised
lazy white people. Now, I can talk smack about lazy black people. You're
poor because you quit school, did drugs, had three kids with three
different fathers, and refuse to work. So when you plop your Colt
45-swilling, Oprah watchin' butt on the couch and complain "Da Man is
keepin' me down," allow me to inform you: Da Man is now black. You have
no excuses.
No more quotas. No more handouts. No more stealing my money because
someone's great-great-great-great grandparents suffered actual pain and
misery at the hands of people I have no relation to, and personally
revile.
It's time to toss that massive, obsolete race-hustle machine upon the
heap of the other stupid 60s ideas. Drag it over there, by wife
swapping, next to dope-smoking. Plenty of room right between free love
and cop-killing. Careful...don't trip on streaking.. There ya go, don't
be gentle. Just dump it. Wash your hands. It's filthy.
In fact, Obama's ascension created a gargantuan irony. How can you sell
class envy and American unfairness when you and your black wife went to
Ivy League schools, got high-paying jobs, became millionaires, bought a
mansion, and got elected President? How unfair is that??? Now, Like a
delicious O'Henry tale, Obama's spread-the-wealth campaign rendered
itself moot by it's own victory! America is officially a meritocracy.
Obama's election has validated American conservatism!
So, listen carefully...Wham!!!
That's the sound of my foot kicking the door shut on the era of white
guilt. The rites have been muttered, the carcass lowered, dirt shoveled,
and tombstone erected. White guilt is dead and buried.
However, despite my glee, there's apparently one small, rabid bastion of
American racism remaining. Black Americans voted 96% for Barak Obama.
Hmmm. In a color-blind world, shouldn't that be 50-50? Tonight, every
black person should ask forgiveness for their apparent racism and
prejudice towards white people. Maybe it's time to start spreading the
guilt around.
This is the stupidest thing I have ever read. This is almost "cancel my subscription" stupid.
Under any veil - whether it is free at last or whatever other highbrow notion you want to attach to this - this is just a dumb thing to spend any time or money (did your writer get paid for this crap?) on. Seriously, we're talking about the smart-as-a-whip, unflappable, well-spoken first lady's ASS?
Please, you can do better.
But I woke up enlightened. Why on earth is there an article at Salon about the future first lady's BUTT?
The election played out with comparisons to Barack Obama as another Jack Kennedy. I was uncomfortable with this. There were comparisons of Ms. Obama's fashion choices to those of Jackie Kennedy. I was uncomfortable with this. Why? Wasn't black good enough? Why did the "curse" of blackness have to be removed from the Obamas by comparing them to white people? Moreover, having read Shelby Steele's book in which he said Obama could not win because he was neither white nor black enough and having read Obama's own first memoir, I was quite aware of the role that race was playing in the election.
We debated race over and over here at Salon. Now, thanks to Erin Aubry Kaplan, this whole issue has been reduced to Michelle Obama's BUTT. Congratulations, Salon. You have cheapened the race debate.
Then I thought about all the discussions on Broadsheet about the objectification of women's bodies. Often, I have felt that Broadsheet writers approved of the objectification of women's bodies since it give them something to write about that will get plenty of page hits. I thought of Kamiya's disgusting reduction of Sarah Palin as a dominatrix, complete with a "photo" of he in bustier with whip. Just charming. But she is a Republican -- so we gave it a pass, didn't we Salon? Over and over, men in threads had made fun of Hillary Clinton's ass, ankles, and tears -- but that wasn't sexist if you supported Obama. Now we get Michelle's BUTT. Congratulations, Salon, you have reduced her to a body part.
I never know whether Salon's articles are written by black or white people unless they have an video to accompany them. I don't really care. However, many black letter writers seemed to be aware of this. They called for more black writers. Congratulations, Salon, you have given them Erin Aubry Kaplan and her confessional writing about Michelle's BUTT.
In my entire life, I have never had a conversation with anyone about black women's butts. Not once. However, this morning I went to the grocery store and standing in line in front of me was a slender black woman. I found myself looking at her BUTT and noticed that she really didn't have one. Unbidden to my mind came the thought, "Poor thing. She just has no BUTT at all.
Congratulations, Salon. You now have me critically assessing and and treating as a body part another women whom I don't know at all based upon the fact that she is a black women without a round butt.
Shall we replace one tyrannical standard with another?
I think I would have to visit a porn site to find one that objectifies women's bodies more than is done at Salon. Amazingly, in this particular article, Salon has managed to do this while lowering both standards of taste and good writing.
Congratulations, Salon.
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Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The Maine fight was supposed to be the dress rehearsal for repealing California's Prop. 8 -- but gay marriage lost
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
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