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• Tuesday, November 18, 2008 11:43 AM

  WHITE GUILT IS DEAD

  By Tom Adkins

  Look at my fellow conservatives! There they go, glumly shuffling along,

  depressed by the election aftermath. Not me. I'm virtually euphoric.

  Don't get me wrong. I'm not thrilled with America 's flirtation with neo

  socialism. But there's a massive silver lining in those magical clouds

  that lofted Barak Obama to the Presidency. For today, without a shred

  of intellectually legitimate opposition, I can loudly proclaim to

  America : The Era of White Guilt is over.

  This seemingly impossible event occurred because the vast majority of

  white Americans didn't give a fluff about skin color, and

  enthusiastically pulled the voting lever for a black man. Not just any

  black man. A very liberal black man who spent his early career

  race-hustling banks, praying in a racist church for 20 years, and

  actively worked with America-hating domestic terrorists. Wow! Some

  resume! Yet they made Barak Obama their leader. Therefore, as of Nov

  4th, 2008, white guilt is dead.

  For over a century, the millstone of white guilt hung around our necks,

  retribution for slave-owning predecessors. In the 60s, American

  liberals began yanking that millstone while sticking a fork in the eye

  of black Americans, exacerbating the racial divide to extort a socialist

  solution. But if a black man can become President, exactly what

  significant barrier is left? The election of Barak Obama absolutely

  destroys the entire validation of liberal white guilt. The dragon is

  hereby slain.

  So today, I'm feeling a little "uppity," if you will. From this day

  forward, my tolerance level for having my skin color hustled is now

  exactly ZERO. And it's time to clean house. No more Reverend Wright's

  "God Damn America ," Al Sharpton's Church of Perpetual Victimization ,

  or Jesse Jackson's rainbow racism. Cornell West? You're a fraud. Go

  home. All those "black studies" programs that taught kids to hate

  whitey? You must now thank Whitey. And I want that on the final.

  Congressional Black Caucus? Irrelevant. Maxine Waters? Shut up.. ACORN?

  Outlawed. Black Panthers? Go home and pet your kitty. Black separatists?

  Find another nation that offers better dreams. Go ahead. I'm waiting.

  Gangsta rappers? Start praising America . Begin with the Pledge of

  Allegiance. And please...no more ebonics. Speak English, and who knows

  where you might end up? Oh, yeah...pull up your pants. Your underwear is

  showing. You look stupid.

  To those Eurosnots who forged entire careers hating America ? I'm still

  waiting for the first black French President.

  And let me offer an equal opportunity whupping. I've always despised

  lazy white people. Now, I can talk smack about lazy black people. You're

  poor because you quit school, did drugs, had three kids with three

  different fathers, and refuse to work. So when you plop your Colt

  45-swilling, Oprah watchin' butt on the couch and complain "Da Man is

  keepin' me down," allow me to inform you: Da Man is now black. You have

  no excuses.

  No more quotas. No more handouts. No more stealing my money because

  someone's great-great-great-great grandparents suffered actual pain and

  misery at the hands of people I have no relation to, and personally

  revile.

  It's time to toss that massive, obsolete race-hustle machine upon the

  heap of the other stupid 60s ideas. Drag it over there, by wife

  swapping, next to dope-smoking. Plenty of room right between free love

  and cop-killing. Careful...don't trip on streaking.. There ya go, don't

  be gentle. Just dump it. Wash your hands. It's filthy.

  In fact, Obama's ascension created a gargantuan irony. How can you sell

  class envy and American unfairness when you and your black wife went to

  Ivy League schools, got high-paying jobs, became millionaires, bought a

  mansion, and got elected President? How unfair is that??? Now, Like a

  delicious O'Henry tale, Obama's spread-the-wealth campaign rendered

  itself moot by it's own victory! America is officially a meritocracy.

  Obama's election has validated American conservatism!

  So, listen carefully...Wham!!!

  That's the sound of my foot kicking the door shut on the era of white

  guilt. The rites have been muttered, the carcass lowered, dirt shoveled,

  and tombstone erected. White guilt is dead and buried.

  However, despite my glee, there's apparently one small, rabid bastion of

  American racism remaining. Black Americans voted 96% for Barak Obama.

  Hmmm. In a color-blind world, shouldn't that be 50-50? Tonight, every

  black person should ask forgiveness for their apparent racism and

  prejudice towards white people. Maybe it's time to start spreading the

  guilt around.

  —sonofloud Read sonofloud's other letters
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