Four years ago, when the right wing adopted the phrase "family values" to characterize themselves I felt that the Democratic Party needed a two word description as well. "Equal Rights" is what I came up with as I felt that it was the bottom line of providing opportunity to anyone willing to work for it that the Democratic Party stood for.

Four years later I'm as much in shock as Ms. Maran. What the hell? How can we be so proud of breaking through the race barrier while at the same time denying people who love each other full rights to marry and have all the rights and protections and family identity that it implies?

I live in CA. A week before the election I spoke with a close lesbian friend who expressed her extreme worry about Prop 8 passing. For her it meant so much to have that acceptance, she said she felt she couldn't even go into work the next day if it passed. I remember her anguish 4 years ago when something like 9 different states passed initiatives against gay marriage.

I was sure it wouldn't pass. I was sure that Obama voters in CA would vote against it. Weren't they the compassionate all embracing democratic people who wanted peace and equality? The day after the election I was devastated and I thought how my friend must be feeling. I remember her hurt and anger 4 years ago and I have yet to call her. I'm afraid. I have been so jubilant about Obama's victory and I would so love to share that with her but I know she is in pain in a way I can only imagine.

So I appreciate this article. My friend could have written it. Although, interestingly, it's her partner who could care less about legal marriage. Still, it's about choice and freedom, which is what this country is supposed to be about.

Everyone IS going to get used to gay marriage, and those who don't are old and will die soon enough. I'm sorry about prop 8--I voted against it and donated to the cause. But, in fact, my preference would be NO governmental support of marriage of any kind. Only civil unions and all children declared "legitimate" at birth. AND every parent DNA tested and required by law to support their children. How would you like that? That's the only fair system. But until we get that, good luck.

I've typed, erased, and retyped at least four different comments now. All of them seem pointless.

I find myself wondering how many of my neighbors were among the 52% who voted for Prop 8. They act friendly, but are their thoughts something different?

Isn't it simple? Granting a right to one group does not take away the right of any other group. Why is that so difficult?

Thank you, Meredith, for this touching piece. I am not gay... I'm something even "worse" by this society's definition, a transgendered man. Because I pass, I, like many gay and bi folks, am treated as a human being so long as people don't know everything about me. It's a very strange disconnect, to be perceived as a privileged, middle-class white male on one hand, and to know on the other hand that my legal rights, social standing, and even physical safety lie entirely within the prejudices of those around me.

I voted for Barack Obama not because he's black or white or both but because he was the best of an array of flawed options. So in a sense I am excited for him to win, if only because it's the first time in my memory when I've felt a sense of political efficacy. Yet I too felt the knife in my heart when I heard Joe Biden's words during the VP debate. I watched the debates with a group of liberal-leaning college students, and they were abuzz with how well Biden had done and how foolish Palin had looked when it was all over. But I couldn't get those words out of my head. And I knew then, and still know, that that's part of Barack's platform as well. Of course, Barack is an intelligent man: He knows that the legal definition of "marriage" and "civil union" are the same thing, and that thus they should legally carry the same name. But he, like most politicians, is not willing to stick his neck out all the way for gay people. And that's disappointing. As a white man, I feel as though I have used my position of privilege to help people like Barack Obama, who have suffered more racial discrimination in their lives. As a transguy, I would have hoped that the straight man I helped elect to the presidency would be willing to offer me (and all lgbt folk) the same courtesy.

I'm not without hope, though. As a theologian and future seminarian, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the biblical and theological arguments against homosexuality and gender nonconformity are ethically and intellectually bankrupt. As an amateur legal scholar, I know that the legal arguments against gay marriage are nonexistent. I forget who said it, but it seems true to me that the "arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." Barack Obama represents a victory for people of color: Soon we will have our own victories to celebrate, as well.

Tolerance is something that's learned by a lifetime of being treated decently and fairly oneself. One learns to accept by being accepted. And if one's been rejected and marginalized, tolerance doesn't come naturally. People treat others the way they've been treated. It saddens me, but doesn't surprise me, that so many blacks and Latinos voted for Prop. 8.

They'll come around, Meredith. There'll come a day when this won't even be an issue anymore.

In the end, the rights of oppressed people will never be decided by popular vote. The courts are where marriage will be settled. Hell, if slavery was left to a proposition, there are a number of southern states who might still have it.

This is an awful setback, but ultimately we'll be okay. I hope.