However its good you both are being reasonable about the separation - acrimonious divorce = bankruptcy.

I'm guessing selling the house is a bad option in the current economic climate.

Is there any chance you could share the house and bills together as separated adults? It would make a lot of sense financially, just so long it was clear you where no longer a couple. Lay down some strict interaction rules and spin it as a new blended family thing. I'm sure your ex would still like to be part of the children lives as well.

You tried to maintain a lifestyle that turned out to be financially unsustainable while you were living with your husband, and now that you two are separating, you can't afford to . . . .

Ugg. I am tired of thinking of your problems. Sell your stupid co-op, lower expenses, try to make more, and suffer with the rest of us.

if you ever had to live with a spouse you are divorcing, you wouldn't be so glib.

Mary Beth has had something terribly rotten happen to her, and she doesn't need advice, she need friends who are there for her.

This outcome is so commonplace, it's maddening that individual men and women are not better equipped to handle it. My marriage is a victim of similar circumstances. As I pick up the pieces and move forward, I discovered a very insightful book that, as I read, I keep thinking "If only I'd known this before..." That book is 'How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Finding Love Beyond Words' by Patricia Love. That's certainly an ironic name for the author but the book is eye-opening. As it turns out, more talking is the _last_ thing men and women need to be doing.

... just wait until your ex grows some balls, tells you to go screw yourself and hires a lawyer. It will happen unless he is an idiot, and when it does you will know for a fact that you should have stayed to gether for the kids. You will not get a to publish stuff like this anymore because it will be used against you ways you can't even imagine.

If your lucky, your ex is a total pussy. Otherwise, go get yourself a lawyer and resolve this as soon as possible.

Yet another victim of the mortgage crisis. One of the saddest elements of the entire fraudulent system (mortgage broker, bribed by wholesale lenders to get people to take worse terms than they might get elsewhere, supported by fraudulent appraisers, to issue mortgages they can't afford that are packaged and sold at a substantial profit to investment bankers who package them for substantial fees to "investors" who now will be bailed out for their stupidity) is that people have been brainwashed to believe that owning a house (and this isn't even a house in this case) is the key to happiness. LISTEN UP PEOPLE---you can have happiness in a rental, or in something cheaper in a different neighborhood. To mortgage your future to a house simply is stupid and to live for a house is even more stupid. If you can't afford the house, give it up---to destroy a marriage over stress over a house is just ridiculous.

That being said, some more information is probably helpful here, since the writer does not sound particularly sympathetic to a husband who lost his job. Hopefully, there were other issues that warranted tossing him under the bus than money.

I once heard a high end, prominent divorce lawyer say that many times when he tells an individual how much an actual divorce will cost them, how their lives will change, they decide not to do it.

He was pragmatic about it and said that if you can be nice to the person to save some money, maybe the marriage is worth saving in the first place.

He said he always could tell if a divorce was really the last straw when the person didn't give a damn if they lost everything, they just wanted out.

Who the fuck told you you were a human being?

It's the unfortunate thing about economic crisis... it leaves nothing unscathed. It's not just about losing a house or a job or coupon-clipping and skipping lattes. Real lives and real relationships are being destroyed, and the worst is probably yet to come. If the Bush administration really cared about "family values" they'd spend some money helping families keep it together. And then we wonder why low-income couples are less likely to marry and more likely to divorce. Meanwhile countries with stronger safety nets, have much higher rates of family stability, even though there is a much higher prevalence of long-term cohabitation in lieu of marriage.

Relationships are tough on a good day. In a financial meltdown, they only get tougher. I feel for the writer. I only hope that other financially strapped couples can avoid the same fate.

I see nothing glib about my reply, it was a non-committal question. The divorce does not appear to be ugly and the couple involved reasonable people looking for the best way out of a difficult situation. Contrary to what appears to be the norm in your world, adults can make reasonable compromises.

And your life is pretty sad if you consider anyone on Salon your "friend". They don't know you and would not miss you if you stopped posting today.

I know divorce and sepeation can be dreadful for all concerned. I am prostant but I suggest that the two of you go to a Priest for some in depth marriage counseling. During this counseling I want you both to state at least five things that made you fall for the other one in the beginning and your sincere hopes for the tomorrows of life.

I say this as a child of two people who went through TEN BAD YEARS together in an otherwise very happy 55 year relationship. My mother says it was worth it for the happiness they had before, the happiness they have now, and all that they didn't lose by divorcing.

I have just been reading about the pioneers, and it helps put the bad times we are having now into perspective. They are bad, but they could be worse, and people have endured worse, and people have held on, and have held on together.

Because that's the other terribly sad thing about bad times forcing you apart. You and your husband are the only ones who will ever truly understand how hard it's been. Whoever your future partner is, and whatever hard times you go through together (and you will) you will have to bear the memory of this alone.

If things were good between you once they can be again. Please reconsider.