Your kid is a dick.

...I hope.

Beat the kid. Beat him long, and beat him hard.

Failing that, you're the father: act like one. Keep two of those books you spent a fortune on, throw/give away the rest and put your authority on full display. I don't think it requires body armor, but you *are* the daddy (I'm sure mommy is a fine individual.)

Or, start a juvenile delinquent file on him now. An acquaintance of mind who worked in juvenile court once told me that based on his experience, a lot of the kids he saw were good kids who just made dumb decisions. The worst ones had parents who not only made excuses and blamed everyone else, but invariably said, "My son wouldn't act like that."

However, they're cute, so you're not going to chuck them out into the snow:) Seriously, though, I'm half-convinced that the terrible twos exist solely to test one's sanity and level of patience. But that's how they learn. They learn what they can get away with, what they can't. I adore my two-year old, she's charming and brilliant and everything a parent could want in a kid. I'd die for her without a second thought. Even so, this past week has left us (almost) wishing we could trade her in for a cat. Why? Because she was being a dick. Like any toddler. It passes.

By "punishment" I mean the two hundred emails-- that are going to follow--from every know-it-all on the internet telling the Mr. Noxon what a horrible parent he is.

I predict he will be excoriated for being too tough, too meek and too inconsistent. The experts, especially, the ones without children of their own, will parade Noxon's head on a stake as an example of all that is wrong with parents today.

The author is either incredibly brave, naive or a pugilist who is willing to risk getting publicly pummeled just for the joy of being in the ring.

Were your 2 older children this way also? Surely you could remember. I have two sons, the first one was a total pain-in-the-ass all the way from the day he was born up until today (5 yrs old), and I fully admitted it to every parent I met. The second one has been a total delight - rarely crying, smiles at everyone, happy all the time, and he's cruising through the "terrible" twos with no problem. Yeah, some kids are just obnoxious. I'm sure my older one will be successful in other ways, though. Hang in there.

Almost all little kids are dicks when they're that age.

Just grin, bear it, and keep on doing what you're doing.

I have only one daughter, and I can say she's gone through a number of phases; some nice, some less so. Doubts about her character did also occur to me in some of the non-nice phases.

My impression is that children do try to become 'control freaks' at some point. They 'understand' -- in some non-intellectual way -- that they can exert some control over their parents, and they try to do so. Just as parents also do.

Tensions accummulate on both sides: the child also feels like his/her parents 'poop on him/her' too.

In the end, it's just like any other relationship: it develops in time. At some point you have to make limits clear; or else even your best friend ends up using you.

If he hits, kicks, or causes trouble anywhere near my person, I'll just step on him, and call for a janitor to clean up the stupid mess.

If you think your kid might be a dick, your kid is definitely a dick.

Just a phase? I don't know of any kid who went through a phase that included kicking an old man in the nuts. You and Neal Pollack, whose kid bites other kids until they bleed, have a real problem. Don't kid yourself that it's just a phase. Get help if you can't control the kid. For his sake, for yours, for all of us. Please. Now.

(I read your book, Rejuvenile, by the way, and liked it, but found it pretty disturbing. Especially the adults who like to hang out with kids.)

He's 2. You're his dad. You're responsible for him and his behavior.

Start acting like a parent.

I too was at the end of my rope. My toddler was inexplicably throwing wild tantrums, biting, screaming--the works. I sheepishly took her to a child psychiatrist looking for help.

He met with us and determined that my daughter was a challenge, but that overall SHE was fine. However, did I want to make an appointment for the following week?

Today I have a great relationship with my 13 year old. She's a delight, and I am tolerable.

against the law for two years olds?

Oh, can't wait for the next 250 or so letters! Armies of self righteous parents, the childless and adults who were the models of good behavior in their childhood are all stringing up their banners and lighting their torches! Somewhere in there someone will blame much of society's ills on 'parents like this', there will be a fight about physical abuse, and maybe even some potshots from vegans or zero pop-growth people.

If we're lucky, and I do consider myself to be a very lucky person, maybe BS2 or MMM will bless us with some sort of moon logic and blame the whole thing on women.

Noxon, you're either awesome in throwing this article out there as chum or you are a great and lovely fool that has never read the letters sections on Salon! Either way, I will spend the next 24 hours reading the responses and laughing hysterically!

I broke up with my fiancée. Thank you for showing me the light.

There was no mention of disciplining the kid in this article. I'm not talking about beating the kid. But Mr. Noxon, what do you when he acts out? No doubt opinions here will fall in two distinct categories: "hit him" or "give him a hug". I don't care about other people's responses, not in the least. This isn't addressed to anyone else other than Mr. Noxon -- what do you do when your boy acts like this?

I imagine an honest answer from the author will not be forthcoming anytime soon.