This takes me back. Together with a couple of friends, I ordered the Charles Atlas course in the early 70s. None of us made much progress toward the goal of punching out sand-kicking beach bullies until we started pumping iron at the local YMCA. A few sets of bench presses and curls three times a week accomplished much more than dynamic tension and open bedroom windows.

Since the late 70s, whenever I hear "Dynamic Tension" I can't help but think of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8yWvx56GV8

As a health and fitness program, I don't know (Hero of the Beach seems a bit thin for a lifestyle anyway); but as a deep explanation of the nature of reality, Dynamic Tension suits us Bokononists just fine.

The only thing dynamic tension makes me think of, and for that matter, "making a man" out of anyone, is Tim Curry in a corset and fishnet stockings.

Not that I'm complaining!

This is just brilliant. Marsalis + intestinal gas = HUMOR!

No, really, I'm being sincere. I laughed out loud.

Give this man a column, Salon.

I saw an ad for this program in a Dark Horse Comics issue of Conan. The old ad has NOT been update in anyway, and yes, there is an emphasis on the chest, on the cartoon guys anyway.

This was quite funny, and I second the Rocky Horror comment.

I have to ask though, you don't really think you'll get pneumonia from an open window? No wonder this country is so bizarre. Same for olive oil. It's a great moisturizer, and if your oil isn't spoiled it should smell nice to boot.

One thing Atlas really knew how to do was market, getting those comic book ads in front of kids. Once you bought the x-ray specs and your sea monkeys died, you needed to muscle up to defend yourself from everyone who thought you looked really dorky.

Though whenever I hear about Charles Atlas, I always think of the small "ad" that The Who did on their Sell Out album. Atlas apparently had trans-Atlantic appeal.

Exercise is the "magic bullet." Just google the two words: exercise health.

The best site on the net for exercise info is http://exrx.net Check it out (I am not associated with it).

However, a few points:

1/2 hour of exercise a week is all that it takes:

Research has shown:

• The most efficient way to build muscle is to do 1 set (repeat ONE set) of no more than 12 repetitions to exhaustion. This means you will be lifting heavy weights.
• When you are capable of doing 12 reps, increase the weight slightly to a level that you can only perform 8 reps. This means about 5% increase.
• Work out about twice a week. Increase the number of reps when you can. When you increase to 12 reps, increase the weight. (In other words, the plot will have a saw tooth profile)
• I do 8 exercises. Each exercise takes from 20 to 45 seconds. That's about 10 minutes of exercise performed twice a week.

A few notes:

• I use dumbbells. That way, each arm does its own lifting. Also, I can get a better range of motion.
• It is difficult to find a gym with weights that increase by 5% to 10%. Going, say, from 15 lbs to 20 lbs is much to big a jump. I had gloves made with pockets on the back, and insert 1/2 lb slugs. I used tungsten scrap. Tungsten is 1.5 times a dense a lead. A slug the size of my thumb weighs 1/2 lb. (I suppose that I am a bit obsessive.)
• I eat 3 oz. of protein an hour before the workout. I chop 100 gr. of raw lamb or beef with onions, mustard, Tabasco, garlic and capers, and make a sandwich with whole wheat bread. Yummy.

  (I don't buy chopped meat; that would be dangerous. But since I chop it myself, I can be confident that any bacterial load is small. I've been doing this for about 5 years, and haven't had any problems yet.)

My dear father sent away for the Atlas course and completed it--that was back in 1920-something. He actually completed it and changed his sickly teenage body into quite a healthy muscular physique, which he maintained until his death. (He did strain his back once trying to lift the front of a car, as Atlas suggests.)

Life went on, and we ate my mother's cooking--not organic--and we didn't leave the windows open in the winter! Some habits survived--for example he always took a drink of lemon juice and water first thing in the morning. I remember his dumbbells which we used as doorstops.

Of course Father was a farmer, which works the muscles too!

The system works!

The problem is most beach bullies took the course. Charlie never did screen his students.

As you have sworn off Wii, I have attempted to swear off posting (as equally useless). But cannot resist this.

The fitness industry appears mostly to be about ways to avoid exercise while satisfying the guilty itch that says one ought to exercise. But what does guilt have to do with it? It's a question of personal results. Either you get them or you don't.

In 1960, eight full years before Cooper published Aerobics, I tried out for the high school track team, having shown little promise in other sports. I was attracted to distance running, because the premise was that anyone could improve what we called, at the time, being in shape, or conditioning, simply by putting in the miles. Never became more than a mediocre distance runner (my best mile was 4:45), but fell in love with conditioning.

I made a cause-and-effect connection. If I did the work, I felt better, weighed less, and could do more. It was that simple.

All anybody needs is a good pair of walking shoes and the willingness to walk say forty minutes a day five days a week. Cheap. Doesn't require huge amounts of will-power. Most people spend forty minutes a day dithering about how they ought to exercise. Just walk while you dither.

As for nutrition, fresh air--common sense goes a long way.

All you need is the ability to do a cause-and-effect analysis of your own behavior and a tiny bit of will-power. I don't know what perverse imp causes us to imagine that five minutes gobbling a piece of gooey chocolate cake (and I love the stuff) is somehow preferable in its effects to forty minutes walking, but it is a real problem. The good news is, that's the main problem with motivation.

Even as a kid, incidentally, I could tell Atlas was full of it. Luckily I preferred conditioning to muscles. Stretching is wonderful. Go ahead try yoga, but remember it's not a competitive sport. It's about relaxing. Relaxing is difficult nowadays. It requires attention, but not force.

Common sense. A little bit of effort most days. The point is not impressing others or beating up bullies on the beach but getting more out of your own existence.