Letters to the Editor
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okay, but...
If I regret anything, it's only this: I would have really liked to raise children along with Alice, Alexis and the rest of my then-childless friends who helped me to raise my own daughter.
Okay, but... I don't hear Alice, Alexis, and the rest of your friends saying they regret not getting pregnant as teens so they could raise children with YOU.
I've been your friend Alice, auntie and godmother to a teen's children. Part of the reason your friend Alice seemed so wonderful is that she had gotten a full night's sleep recently. She wouldn't have been such an amazing resource if she had been struggling herself.
Every single one of those kids turned out magnificent.
This reminds me of one of those questions that psychologists insert into tests to determine how honest the respondents are. If a respondent answers "true" to "I never lie," the psychologist knows he's lying.
Every one? You mean your amazing teen pregnancy club had better luck raising children than every other group of people on Earth? Wow, you should write a book about your methods.
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Good Question
It might well have been foolish deciding to start life off with a rug rat (not everybody can pull things off the way you did) but, hey, if you can't be foolish what is there to life?
The real reason for all the coverage, of course, is that officially the United States is Puritan.
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I am speechless
I am just appalled by this. OK, they turned out well. So what? Most kids born to teenage mothers do not. If one or two are OK, who cares?
This is an idiotic piece. I'm sorry, no good things come when you get pregnant at 18.
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I don't get it
“All of us in that group are now in our mid-30s, and almost all of our children are now older than we were when they were born. Every single one of those kids turned out magnificent. If I regret anything, it's only this: I would have really liked to raise children along with Alice, Alexis and the rest of my then-childless friends who helped me to raise my own daughter. “
If it’s so fabulous why not encourage her daughter (and her friends) to have kids?
And if Alice and Alexis had wanted children they’d have had them. Honestly – the author’s pregnancy was probably one of the reasons these young women decided to wait. I know that the girls I knew in HS who got pregnant (even the really smart girls with a workable plan and good support system) served as a cautionary tale for every other girl at school.
If the girls we’re talking about are all filling out their ‘family housing’ university forms together I take it all back and I guess they’re on top of things. But I suspect it’s more likely they’ll be on public benefits - and that can be an impossible trap for a small town woman with a high school education to work herself out of. I feel really sad for these girls – I don’t think they’ve got any idea how hard this is going to be and what they’ve almost certainly given up.
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how nice for you author
All I saw in your text was about moving to sophisticated liberal cities with your best friend. I'm pretty sure I didn't see much about how you managed to support yourselves in those expensive cities. Or how you handled healthcare expenses, or managed to get sick days to take care of your kid.
No I don't expect all gloom and doom, but a lot of crucial information was not mentioned in this article to make it worthwhile, in favor of shiny happy name-dropping memories.
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What have they given up?
Anne in NYC: "I feel really sad for these girls – I don’t think they’ve got any idea how hard this is going to be and what they’ve almost certainly given up."
This raises the question of what they have given up. Perhaps the girls in MA didn't have much to give up. What's there to hope for today in the Bush economy for most people? If there's nothing to give up, their actions make more sense.
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"pregnancy pact"
Dear Ms. Benfer,
Thank you for a thoughtful and enjoyable essay. I'm glad to hear not everyone responded with Puritan outrage to these young women. When I heard the tales of a "pregnancy pact" in Gloucester, my first thought was: these girls are wishing to be part of a community, hungering for community so much that they want to create one of their own. This is an essentially normal and healthy human striving. These teens weren't planning Columbine-style attacks, a drug-dealing ring, or some other sinister group activity; they were planning to support each other as they raised children. Oh, the horror!
When we learn that these young women's "pact" probably never involved *getting* pregnant, but rather creating a support network after discovering they were pregnant, it becomes even more apparent that the horrified reaction expressed in the media and by many adults is overblown. As another letter writer noted, it reflects our national Puritanism rather than any true concern for the needs of these young women or their children.
Much has been written about the isolation of individuals and individual families in the modern U.S. If a family breaks apart, growing children can be left even more isolated. Is it any wonder that young people take steps to create their own communities, steps that may appear drastic to adults?
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Mormons on the March ?
Pregnancy pact ? Sounds a bit extreme just to protest the principle's denial of the availabiltiy of contraceptive devises at the school.
But then we must remember that the practitioners of the Mormon faith (the cult called The Church of Latter Day Saints) are "encouraged" every day to have as many babies as possible. Contraception is forbidden in LDS preachings. Might we define that as a "pact" - - designed to populate the world with as many Mormons as possible ?
Hey ! Maybe the pregnant girls should consider joining the Mormon cult. The Mormons are well known for being very helpful to each other. In fact, it's a requirement. So join up, go forth, and be fruitful !