She's probably not kidding. About the hubby, that is. I've got girlfriends who married guys who resent each and every second that they have to spend away from the X-box. It is a terrible, ego-destroying thing for a woman to realize that she can't compete with a game for her husband's attention, and usually a precursor to divorce.

I am such a loser I married a wanker. Nuff said.

"It is a terrible, ego-destroying thing for a woman to realize that she can't compete with a game for her husband's attention, and usually a precursor to divorce."

If you can't compete with an Xbox, the divorce is your fault. I have never met a human being that didn't want to share their hobby with a spouse, if given the option.

Moreover, it sounds as if it's working. Therefore, I heartily endorse it. Hilarious + effective is a good combination.

You know, whatever gets you through the night...

Trapped (by a 3-yr contract) in a job that was going nowhere, he spent most of 2005 and 2006 "saving lives" in City of Heroes and D&D Online. I came to despise 3-hour raids on imaginary cities, for which he had to show up because people he didn't know and would never meet "depended" on him. This while his actual wife was heavily pregnant and chasing around a 2 and 3 yr-old. After the baby was born, he "helped" by holding him in one arm and playing those stupid games with the other.

Then, miracle of miracles, the contract came to an end, he got a new, challenging job that uses his skills and requires him to develop new ones and guess what? No more online gaming, and while he does play with X Box and Rock Band, he plays for (fairly) reasonable lengths of time, and shares those games with our children, who love bonding with Daddy while learning to play "Zelda" on the Wii, or playing the various instruments on Rock Band. I think my husband was depressed, and online games helped him escape. Now that he is in a happier situation, he doesn't need them anymore.

Work it!

I cant play rock band to save my life, and I keep wondering if I could have prevented my most recent break up, if I could just drum or play the guitar better... And therefore if we could have spent more time together (be included with the mostly male rock band buddies).

There were too many issues that rock band could not have helped us get around, but the article made me smile and think that maybe it wasn't completely absurd to think that, even just for a few minutes...

Thank the Jewish God she finally realized the best way to 'compete' with a video game is to realize its not a competition. It's a hobby. Share it, embrace it, and all the misery just goes away. Rachel should teach a class.

This article wreaks of exaggeration. Either that or the author should seek counseling/divorce sooner rather than later. If he's that addicted to games and that the author resents him even playing games deep down (the tone of the article early on is that he's childish to even play them), then he's never going to have his time for his own personal interests without being made to feel bad.

If he's indeed spending as much time as the author says he is and *completely* ignores her sexual advances then I would say they don't have much in common and should consider getting help immediately. And not help from a video game.

Couples should be able to find common ground on things that interest them and also be able to feel comfortable parting ways when the other person is doing something they love. I personally am a gamer myself. Not a 9 hour a day type, but I play here and there. My wife meets me half way in so far as she'll often play around with iTunes (her big hobby) while I'm gaming and then I'll quit when it's time and we'll spend time together. Additionally, we spend time with friends and alone playing cards and board games. So she's met me part way.

Conversely she's a triathlete, an Ironman competitor who trains for far more hours than I game. I go to her races, talk to her about her training and how she's doing and I try to ride my bike with her and work out with her when possible.

Basically we organically just work as a couple. I'm as interested in her hobbies as I want to be and visa versa. In the process we both feel like the other person respects our need for personal space and neither feels guilty about using that rope we're given. Then when we're done we come together and enjoy doing things together that are mutual. This kind of common sense relationship seems to be missing from the letter writer's life. I would suggest she get help with the relationship. This doesn't sound healthy for either individual.

I don't think anyone should respond to this seriously as it's just a modern take on standup-ish story comedy: "oy, those noise cancelling headphones!" Take a look at the author's book - she's embracing the old humor column style.

The problem is Salon has such a strong reputation for the unaware, off-tone personal essay, it's hard to tell when an author is just cracking wise.

I was only vaguely amused, but compared to twee essays being "funny" yet taking themselves way too seriously, it's an improvement.

You're a little over the top here, I think...

-m

Rachel, not everyone reading this completely missed the point. I laughed out loud several times and really enjoyed it. Very funny.

I think I agree this is intended to be a funny, light, essay filled with pithy, obvious, exaggerations.

The sad thing is we (and by me I mean guys who game) totally know guys who really do get that obsessive with games and wives/girlfriends who absolutely hate, not fake-hate but really hate, the competition as they see it.

Both can be way overboard in thier reactions and it's independant of the actual reality of the situation. An insecure non-gamer can imagine things are far worse than they are. An obsessive gamer can imagine situation is less of an issue than it demonstrably is.

But it's just like husbands that are really into keeping up with sports. Many wives just aren't that interested and have, since the dawn of Sports Illustrated, somehow managed to cope and find other things they like to do. Taking advantage of that downtime to pursue thier own interests.

The main difference seems to be the angle of attack that's pursued sometimes. You really do hear people, and by people I mean mostly girlfriends and wives, going after gaming as being immature, immaterial, unproductive nonsense. This from people who created the market for the chick flick, the soap opera and romance literature? I promise you the video-computer game market is far more profitable and "real" than all those combined.

Well, the culture will change in time and we do see more and more women not only playing games but creating and commenting on them as participants. There are hardcore shooter grrrls out there, roleplayers, and strategy gamers (heck The Sims is roleplay and strategy all wrapped up in a box and a bow). My guildleader in Age of Conan, a testosterone riddled setting if there ever was one, is a RL woman and she was also our guild leader in Pirates of The Burning Sea - a highly competative player vs. player online game.

So, this is one of those amusing light stories that actually touches on some hot buttons for alot of people.