Letters to the Editor
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A Different Perspective on Mommying
I retired about a year ago and moved to Mexico for various reasons - a choice which I am very happy with. One of the many reasons I moved here was that, on my first visit to my quaint cobblestone village in the mountains, I noticed how utterly happy, no, giddy, giggly, euphoric, etc. the children were. I knew I wanted to live in a society that produces such happy children. It was a most pleasant culture shock, indeed! I'm still getting used to encountering tranquil tots, polite and cheerful pre-teen boys, mature, responsible teenagers, all of whom show respect for and harmony with their elders and the very rich, festive, and meaningful traditions. In other words - it's the exact opposite of life in the US!!
I must add that the very mild and pleasant climate here means that people, especially kids, are out on the streets and in the plazas a lot. I ride the buses with lots of moms and kids. I have plenty of chances to observe. Everyone's windows are open. You can hear everything going on.
In the year that I've been here, I have NEVER heard a whiny, bratty, or hostile child. The parents and kids/babies are so much more attuned to eachother that 1) the kids hardly misbehave to begin with, and 2) if they do, the slightest little gesture from a parent puts a quick stop to it. The parents here never seem to yell at their kids. You'd think it was magic. I've NEVER heard a mom plea-bargain with her snotty brat like in the US.
The obvious difference is in the whole culture, the way kids are brought up. People in the US read books to learn how to "parent"?? (Does baby want this? Does baby want that? What does baby want??) Here, the traditions seem to work, the families are extended and close, mommies start young and carry their babies everywhere with them. Strollers don't work well on cobblestones, and most of the villagers don't have cars, hence, no car seats. When old enough, the toddlers walk with mom, holding hands. Proud daddies often carry their kids on their shoulders. The end product? The babies are held and cuddled all day, and are given way more affection and love than kids in the US with their "conflicted" mothers. The kids have built-in playmates through the large extended families. Moms don't have to be chauffeurs. Most of the businesses are small and family-operated; mommies simply take their babies to work with them. Kids learn useful tasks and help their parents from an early age, like, 4 or so.
All mothers are considered saints here, and Mother's Day is like a national holiday.
I'm not a mom, but I am the daughter of a career mom, and for that reason, I never wanted to be one. I've never had any illusions about how hard it is to mix family and outside career. I grew up thinking my parents couldn't talk to me and my brothers because they "worked", and were, therefore, emotionally unavailable. I know, many parents try to assuage their "guilt" by smothering their kids with...stuff. Kids in the US are SO spoiled with things, and yet are constantly frustrated from lack of real affection, turning to electronic gadgets for some type of deep and true engagement. Then the parents are so shocked when their pre-teen turns into a little monster. Surprise, surprise!!
Space prevents me from elaborating on all this. Advice to parents: take a vacation to a village in the mountains of mexico, sit in the plaza in the evening, and just watch people. You might think you've died and gone to heaven. The challenge is how can you create this kind of peace and harmony in the US society?? Buena suerte!!