Letters to the Editor
-
Author is basically Right
I'm a special education teacher and I am also a mother of a 3 yr old son. I did a lot of reading before I had my son and I knew that I didn't need to spend a lot of money of cribs or strollers or car seats or diaper bags or anything else. The big issue is safety and durability so that's what I went for. I didn't go into parenting thinking that I would need to lay out a lot of money, just time, patience and love.
That said, I also totally sympathize with all parents who reach for Baby Einstein, gadgety toys and the like. It really does serve a purpose, just not, as the author says, the one that is listed on the box. It's part of the babysitting that is required of parents to get a dinner prepared or shower or return an email. These products have a role in our very busy lives and they help us manage all of our responsibilities.
My biggets issue with the toys and gadgets and special DVD's is that these kinds of experiences are not only not beneficial for small children, they may actually inhibit real learning. That's because, as anyone who has studied child development knows, children learn through direct experience. They shouldn't watch a pretty DVD about farm animals with Mozart playing, they should be visiting a farm or even just walking around the neighborhood with mom or dad. You're sure to see a few animals, right? All the parent needs to do is to start talking and point things out and there you have it, learning.
-
Somewhere out there - say, in a Snow Belt "flyover" state...
...A baby is being raised on a relatively modest budget. Without *gasp!* a Bugaboo. Or Baby Einstein. Or $70 baby Nike shoes. Or Gymboree. Or an SUV with front/side/top/back/4th-dimension airbags.*
And you know what? In spite of all of that horrible, horrible deprivation, the kid is probably gonna be alright. With just as much a chance of finding happiness/fulfillment in his or her life as your uber-pampered Park Avenue toddlers**.
My point is not that you should feel bad about your excessive, conspicuous consumption. It's that in the age of 'helicopter parents', anxiety counselors for 3rd graders (!), Ritalin and a bevy of other pres. meds designed specifically to be marketed for kids "diseases" (is Big Pharma the new Big Tobacco?), etc. etc., please realize this: Nothing you are buying...or buying into...is giving your baby an advantage in Life over any of his/her peers that YOU think it is. Just sayin...
*************
[ *-By the way, to everyone saying you need an $800 stroller to get through snow: I've seen MANY $59.99 Walmart strollers make it through unshoveled snowy Minneapolis sidewalks - in one piece. Sometimes cheap, hard plastics - eco-yucky as they may be - get the job done.
I've also met yuppies basically saying that a parent who does not/cannot afford to transport their kids in a Volvo SUV in the Snow BelR are virtually guilty of child endangerment. Guess what, people: happy, healthy toddlers are being whisked around in 12 year-old Corollas with drum brakes, even in the worst winter conditions, with nary a scratch on their soft skin...=]
[** - My sample size is anecdotally small, of course...but most persons I know from pampered, upper-middle-class, wealthy backgrounds are in therapy and/or on antidepressants for a plethora of issues.
The people I know from middle- and working-class childhoods...the ones who didn't get every supposed advantage or means of luxury and pampered and baby ESL, etc etc.?
Most - not all, but most - are doin' just fine, happy without Paxil or Dr. Shrink.
Again: I'm just sayin'....]
-
My favorite stroller
I had two stroller throughout my son's babyhood. A larger plush stroller which was great while my son was a newborn but when he was old enough to hold his head up the $17 umbrella stroller became my favorite. I brought it to Europe with me and we traveled around Norway. I could strap a large backpack containing baby supplies around the handles. When I needed to I could easily put the back pack on - pick up my baby - and with my foot kick and fold up the stroller and easily go up steps or an escalator or into a bus.
It was a work horse. I used it until he was 4 years old.
-
huh...
Baby sign language seemed counterintuitive, but I guess it could work.
My best friend in New Orleans used it with her son. He's two and a half now and he speaks just fine.
-
Wraps and Strollers
Paul offers a refreshing take on something that many parents think but are afraid to say out loud. I do have to take exception to the Swaddle Me and Miracle Blanket comments, since they helped our son sleep better and longer - and for someone like me, who just fumbled around with a regular blankie, they do make swaddling easier for the parents. On the stroller issue, I think that the people in my neighborhood buy them as a way of saying "I can afford this so I am rich" is true. The only reason you would not buy one is because you cannot afford it and you are poor, goes the thinking. It's just a signpost for other parents, and has nothing to do with the children. This is amusing, because I know many of these same people are living in apartments that eat up most of their monthly salaries, and have credit card dept in the 5 figures. So, they really aren't fooling anyone. It's sad that's the message they are imparting to their kids - an age old "keeping up with the Joneses, no matter the cost," attitude that will focus their kids on material outward appearances.
-
been there, didn't do that
I live at the epicenter of the $700 stroller with 3 kids and I was actually flabbergasted when these pricey strollers started proliferating. I always choked on $200.
Fear seems to be the motivating factor these days in the bugaboo neighborhoods. Every aspect of parenting seems to be controlled by "if I don't do X my child will not GET AHEAD in THIS COMPETITIVE WORLD!!" It takes a strong stomach to get off this merry-go-round because you have to face the fact that everyone else things you're an irresponsible parent.
It's funny that you mention sign language though. When my oldest was born way back when before the fad started I read some interesting stuff about sign language and hearing children so I want out and bought a used ASL dictionary and taught her some basic signs starting at about 10 months. It was miraculously helpful in the pre-language stage. I actually would like to see some research done that was sensible. I grew to feel that hand control greatly pre-dated oral control for communication skills. I did the same with the other two kids and the older ones used the same basic signs to "talk" to their siblings. It makes all the difference in the world to be able to clearly know that your hysterical 14 month old wants "more."
BUT all this high tech special EXPENSIVE sign language is ridiculous. As is most of the other stuff. A lot of people do have the single hot-house baby to which they devote every possible bit of attention. The more kids you have the less possible it becomes. Like baby-proofing. It's one thing to have a gigantic safety lock on the toilet when you have one baby. But when you have two older kids just barely able to hold it until they get to the toilet, much less undo the Fort Knox safety lock a lot of this stuff falls by the wayside.
Fear is factor one and a doubting of one's own good sense is factor two. Parents are afraid to just sit down and think "does this make sense?" instead of listening to "experts." And factor three is the cultural assumption that somehow if you just try hard enough you can achieve a state of absolute safety for your children. First of all, this is patently illogical and second of all do you really want to? Dealing with controlled levels of risk is one key part of becoming competent. If you never climb the jungle gym, yes you will never break your arm falling off the jungle gym but you will also never develop the skills necessary to actually climb in the first place. A few scrapes along the way, whether mental or physical are a valuable part of growing up.
And let me be a bit subversive here and say that I'm beginning to think the same goes for playing outside. Parents fully accept the Truth of the idea that it is too dangerous for kids to play outside, regardless of the actual facts behind the assumed danger. I want to spread the radical idea that the infintessimally (jeez how do you spell that anyway) small risk of kidnapping is greatly outweighed by the benefits or running up and down the block with a herd of kids doing what kids used to do before we all freaked out. Crime is down! In our home town (Brooklyn) it's so much less than it was when I was a kid, back when kids actually played out on the block and yet kids are trapped inside with their Wii. Open the door, kick them out, sit on the stoop if you want but take back the street for heaven's sake.
Okay, enough lecture. I'm going to go kick the kids out, heartless, irresponsible mom that I am.