Letters to the Editor
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Finally!
At long last, someone says what I've been thinking all along -- that we've fetishized parenting to the point where we will do all sorts of unnecessary things and buy all sorts of useless products to prove that we're good parents.
My husband and I went to New York when our son was a baby. We had a rather nice $300 stroller. But when you walk around the Upper East Side, it's like a goddamned Bugaboo convention. My husband and I joked that we were giving our boy a complex because he'd be the only baby without the Bugaboo.
At the end of the day, all the fancy whatzits and gizmos and gadgets, all the cashmere baby sweaters and organic cotton nappies are not going to be a substitute for an engaged, principled parent who's prepared to step up to the plate and BE a parent. Too many parents today end up being a best buddy, a wallet, or an absentee, none of which helps their kids become whole, happy, productive people.
But that's nothing new under the sun. Affluent parents have been spoiling their kids as long as there have been affluent parents. I grew up surrounded by them. They were given too much, too soon, and constantly told that they were special. They had an overdeveloped sense of entitlement, and no work ethic. All that's different these days is we've managed to rationalize the ways in which we are spoiling our children in the 21st Century by telling ourselves that the crap we're buying is actually good for them.
(BTW, teaching kids sign language is about like teaching them French or Mandarin -- it's not necessary, but it doesn't hurt. Do it if you want. Don't judge it if you don't.)
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Parents: D.A.R.E. to get your kids off electronics!!
I recently retired and moved to Sunny Mexico for a much-needed complete cultural change. One of the reasons I chose to come here is that I noticed that the kids here are so much happier than kids in the US, in spite of the fact that most of them are much poorer. How do I know that? Easy! They laugh and smile so much more. I mean, giddy, euphoria at the simple joy of kicking a ball around. They are remarkably polite, calm, cheerful, and well-behaved, at all ages. Every gringo I've met here agrees with this. It's such a pleasure to be around these kids!
Having grown up in a rather dysfunctional fmaily (isn't everybody's?) in the US, I have paid close attention to the differences here: mothers raise their own babies, while many of them tend shops all day. They take their babies to work with them. They hold the babies during most of the babies' waking hours. There are extended family members around to help. All mothers are considered saints here for their devotion to their children - grandparents, too. The elders pour on the affection when the child is growing up, the emotional bonds are sealed forever, and the elders are gladly taken care of when need be. Family always comes first.
Few kids have electronic gadgets, or even TV here. They play with EACHOTHER, and have so much more fun!!! They can make toys out of whatever they find or have. They are much more affectionate with eachother. Age ranges are not segregated. The big kids take care of the little kids. The moms simply walk the cobblestone streets with thier babies in their arms. The few babies I have seen in strollers are noticably more unhappy than the ones in their mothers arms.
The whole culture here is so much more warm and affectionate - these are good people. Daddies often carry their babies and little ones on their shoulders. Macho men unabashedly hug and kiss their babies. Kids know they are loved.
But, they are not spoiled. Little kids are taught chores from a very early age. It's not unusual to see a pre-teen holding down the fort in the neighborhood shop while the parents are busy. Toddlers can learn to stack items on the shelves. Kids help their parents in whatever they do, thereby gaining experience and self-esteem.
Having been raised by a working mother, I can tell you, all this rampant materialistic style of raising kids is all out of clueless guilt. There is no substitute for real love.
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dialing back on the sarcasm a bit
Leeandra, I wasn't directing that at you but at the comments in the article itself. In response to your question, the research shows (and my experience confirms for me) that there's no appreciable delays in spoken language. Kids pick that up naturally, and there's plenty of incentive to use it.
They're just able to sign earlier because not everyone has the fine motor skills required for understandable speech as early as you apparently did, and the simple signs usually taught to babies are pretty easy to do with larger gestures ("more" is basically clapping). Either way, spoken or signed, the language centers for the brain are involved, so language skills grow as normal. I don't particularly care if that provides some sort of Special Head-Start Advantage, but it's basically all talking, and there's no harm in that.
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the REAL baby Einstein
I've been joking to all my friends who also have kids that I'm going to start a line of baby and toddler toys called The REAL Baby Einstein -- I would basically just package wooden spoons, pot lids, some yarn, scraps of lace... you get the picture... the kinds of things Einstein himself probably played with as an infant. Imagine the profit margin... and let's not forget about the eternal favourite of kids everywhere -- packaging! Cardboard boxes, wrapping paper, ribbon... my daughter loves it all!
That being said, a stroller with inflatable wheels (like on a bicycle) has proved indispensible in navigating snowy sidewalks and I wasn't able to find any cheaper models with this feature -- despite the fact that it's possible to get a safe, servicable adult bicycle for $200. Outrageous. Thankfully, I was able to get the fancy stroller I have second-hand at a deep discount from a neighbour; don't know what I would've done this winter without it. I guess I would've just had to manage, like millions of other mothers around the world do now and have done over the ages...