Letters to the Editor
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wonderful article
Ann,
I somewhat understand what you're going through. I've gone through lots of drug regimens that simply didn't work for my particular mixture of bipolar disorder, anxiety and OCD. Some of the drugs actively sabotaged my mental and physical health (e.g. Effexor). It's taken years to find a combo that works and that doesn't erase the essential me. It may take years to find a similar balance for your son (and be very very skeptical of any new drugs on the market, the FDA isn't doing its job any more).
For what it's worth, I believe that anything that's good or kind or gentle or beautiful is "God" -- yes, even after all the horror and pain I've been through. I wish you and your family the strength and love to get through this.
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Good, meaningful.
I like how it did not grasp for easy answers.
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I'm sorry for your troubles
I might choose God over mental illness if I was faced with a similar problem. But I'm not.
Again, I'm genuinely sorry for your troubles.
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thank you for sharing your journey
i enjoyed your writing. simple, concise is nice.
and I wish you and your family the best.
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broad and familiar
"Not a presence, exactly, but an amorphous sense of rightness. It was broad and familiar, a little bit brooding."
Words are inadequate to this sort of experience, but that combination of words is an excellent stab.
In my experience, a rightness more even than a sense of rightness, broad like nature is broad, familiar in the sense of deeply intimate. A bit brooding, yes...also warm, stable, content, full, alive. Not me as I usually sense me, but, then again, not entirely not me.
The baffling paradox is that the more, over time, one gives oneself over to It, the less It is any kind of experience at all. What used to be a broad, seductive warmth dissolves into content-less mystery, from which there is no escape and no ability even to conjure a wish to escape.
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This reminded me of pleasant conversation with non-kooky fundie's (fundamentalist) who were not trying to "save" me from a Life of degradations
The hard working couple had two wonderfully entertaining daughters.
`One 9-year old excelled in school, loved books, and a blossoming personality.
Adults didn't intimidate either of the two girls. Both daughters were special.
Both children were included in all dinner conversation and permitted to speak.
`The younger daughter was "slow" and a non-academic achiever. At birth?
Maybe something went wrong? She's make funny little sounds for attention.
Sorta "weird" .... different.
The oldest 9-year old was "gifted" ...The younger child (6?), sorta good-odd.
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The remembrance story the parents shared with me came to mind as I Read.
Thanks Ann Bauer.
The youngest girl needed more discipline. Social graces were non-existence.
QUIET Time meant go sit in the bedroom for reflection, followed by discussion.
The "punishment" gave the parents an opportunity to Listen to a Beautiful girl.
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The parents eavesdropped during the child's prayer time. (NSA?) gads.
The young daughter would fein a pout, a stomp march, and a slight door slam.
Parents would hear her pray from outside the bedroom door...
Parents outside the room learned from the "not-so-brilliant" and slower learner.
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Overheard: As if steam, snorting, and puffing sweet voice chanted and God heard.
A notion of a Listening Deity?
After a child petitioned a God?
God talked back? The child's voice intonation changed. She role played a divinity?
A god-guttural was full of care? "God" bellowed*
"What's wrong today? Mom and dad?
They can't get along again? You can't have a candy bar before bed? They sloppy?
You need to clean your bedroom? Your dad as stinky breath?
`"With a child's mimicry of a god-voice, *"Well. Tell Them that's not fair!"
God would say, "I can't do nothing about it."
God rumbled, "You do something about it!"
It's a bit paraphrased as I tell the story....
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I hope I'm telling about a often harsh adult pantomime vs. a child's innocent view.
God says in a mean way, a paddle in the hand, no affection in the voice, club ready!
`To me?
"Shad Up. Why did you bring home a little egg layer bantam hen with baby peeps?
And a baby lamb to feed and hear go baa baa. Lambs hate the tether! What a jerks!"
"Adults have no common sense.
The baby lamb is baaing now."
God says in a natural tone,
Not too harsh, sweet, "Baa. baa."
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Experiencing God
God, as an idea, a presence and a reality, is quite humbling, obviously.
Experiencing the presence of God, and hearing the voice of God, is highly suspect in this world we live in.
I have experienced the presence of God and heard the voice of God. Right now, as you read these words, many of you are laughing... thinking maybe I'm some Son of Sam or an idiot or living in a trailer and railing at the TV.
Not so. I am, according to IQ tests, a genius. According to financial status, fairly well off. I function well in business and have had some success as a writer and an artist.
I am, most would say, articulate and quite sane... but there's that God thing.
You think, probably, that hearing God or acknowledging God is somehow sad and just so... last eon.
But, folks, you are not, as the kids would say "all that."
You turn on a computer in a coffee shop and without any wires connecting you to anything, communicate with friends all over the earth. Use Google earth and you can travel anywhere... an iPhone can serve up the world in the palm of your hand... cell phones in Africa connect nations... no wires... you don't even know how a lamp works or how nylons are made...
But you are so smug and superior when it comes to experiencing God...
I am truly sad that the author of this story damaged her son by advocating a path to medicating his true experiences out of his life...
I am truly sad that most of you equate the mystical to the laughable...
A sunrise can be quite uplifting and transformative... a cloud can carry a message...
It's all about what you're open to... what you decide.
What you decide you are open to, what you decide that you are "better than" and what you decide that you "are superior to."
I sleep in the peace that a loving God loves me and cares for me and provides for me... in the Bible it says that "God has counted all the hairs on your head, feeds all the birds in the field and He will care for you..."
He will, if you let Him.
As the saying goes, Let Go and Let God.
Let go of your superior mindset. You are not the all-knowing master of the universe that you smirkly and snarkily claim.
Your pain, your anger, your frustration, your rage, your lack of sleep is not caused by the world, or circumstances, or health...
It's you.
You are the problem. You need to get out of the way. You need to take your hands off the reins a bit... you need to back off from thinking you got the world figured out. You don't. If you did, your life would be perfect. It's far from perfect. You're far from perfect.
God is perfect, by His very nature. God is capable, by His very nature. God wants the best for you, by His very nature...
Let go and Let God.
Let God speak to you, today.
Stop, right now, close your eyes, silence that voice inside that tells you that God could not be... that voice is not helping you... let the silence in... let the stillness in.
Let God in...
Let go and Let God be God in your life.
Let God speak to you, and heal you and uplift you.
Be blessed and keep your eyes up.