Letters to the Editor
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I'm following in my mother's and grandmother's footsteps
My grandmother claimed she was "29 and holding" until well up into her 60s, at which point she switched over to "39 and holding." People who didn't know her always thought she was younger than her actual age. She was energetic, physically active, did volunteer work, played cards, read avidly (she was a huge fan of Reader's Digest condensed books), knitted, kept up with her family, and had a good social life. She was mentally alert until she passed away at 91 and drove herself to church the morning of the day she died.
My mother has more energy than most people half her age. She finished her bachelor's degree at age 62 and has been taking continuing education courses in literature, drama, and more ever since. She took up long-distance open water swimming at age 64 and recently joined her local master's swim team. Right now she's training for walking a half-marathon with my Dad (who is 70). She sings in her church's choir with people half her age. She's very involved in her children's and grandchildren's lives. She also works part-time. People are constantly surprised to find out that she's in her late 60s.
Neither one of them ever "acted their age." Neither had any cosmetic procedures beyond getting their hair dyed. Yeah, they had wrinkles and other signs of age, but they ignored them and just kept on doing whatever they wanted to do.
This seems to me to be a good approach to aging and I am following it. Getting old isn't so bad when you consider the alternative! Just as important is not losing the sense of the possible. If you act like you're washed up, you will be washed up.
As for the work world, ageism is sadly alive and well. My dad encountered it many times when he looked for work in his 40s and 50s. I've met resistance when I've tried to hire older candidates for jobs. A few years back, I read a magazine profile of a guy who I'd gone to college with; despite his advanced degrees and extensive knowledge of software engineering, he was told he was "too old to compete" at age 39! And yes, it does get more difficult to compete in the job market with younger people. (Of course, the youth-obsessed hiring managers who thought I was too old to work for their companies will someday face the same fate themselves.)
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Flawed assumption on "perfect copies"
If it were that simple, how come two thirty-year olds can make a new baby? If the germ cells can keep making perfect copies of themselves, so can any other cell.
But they don't.
Two 30 year olds can produce a healthy child, but two forty year olds are much less likely to produce a child with no genetic defects. The risk of genetic defect increases dramatically as people age.
Women have all the eggs their body will ever have at *birth*. The DNA strands in those cells are constantly replicating -- like once a day -- and with each replication comes the possibility of a transcription error resulting in genetic defect, benign or not, depending on where the error occurs. Just by playing the numbers game one can easily determine that as a woman ages, the quality (for lack of a better term) of those egg cells will decline significantly as transcription errors become more likely. This is why older women are warned of increased likelihood of producing children with Down's syndrome, for example, and older men are now being warned of the increased likelihood of their offspring having autism.
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I don't know if what I am about to say
will make most women feel any better or just make them angry. However, most of the actresses in Hollywood are not really that attractive. Famous maybe, but a certain amount of hype can make anyone famous - looks, talent, or not. Without heavy makeup most of them are downright plain, and some are just plain ugly. I have never figured out why Sarah Jessica Parker is considered attractive. She has bony, warped legs, and the face of a guy. And have you noticed how fast they change? When they start their careers, they look soft and feminine. A few years later, and they look like Demi Moore. The novelty wears off so fast.
I find it curious that so many people think these women are attractive. It must be hard on those women who hold them up as a standard, 'cuz like I said, it's a false one.
My wife of 26 years is 47, and I swear to you she has never looked hotter. What's love got to do with it? I think I know.
Poco
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It says more about men than anything
Articles like this always bring out the men who unquestioningly hold on to a very self-flattering myth: that a woman's sexual appeal to men is the most important part of her value as a human being. It really speaks volumes about men more than anything: their sense of entitlement, their inability to question sexism or see a problem with reflexively relating to women as objects and second class citizens.
It's sad. And frankly, I don't give a f*&^ whether random men find me attractive or not.
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How not to look old? How do you live long enough to get to look old?
The answer to "How not to look old?" is "Don't read anything written by the ladies magazine" crowd. I figured out in my twenties that reasing Cosmo and Glamour just makes you depressed, anxious, and insecure. My husband asked me once (while thumbing through a Halle Berry cover on InStyle) why there were so many naked airbrushed women in it. Men's magazines (Men's Health, for instance) doesn't do that. This stuff is just meant to make us insecure.
I lost a 26 year old brother to a heart attack, a 46 year old father. Last year, my 40 year old friend died of leukemia, and right now, a 43 year olf friend has cancer. A 28 year old friend of mine is a survivor or a brain tumor.
Fuck worrying about looking old. I want to know how to live long enough TO look old. How do you avoid heart attacks and cancer in this world. Living healthy is not enough, it seems.
My dermatologist thinks I look 28. People often think I'm late twenties, early thirties. What good does that do you if you die? Leaving a good looking corpse is not exactly life enhancing.
I earned my gray hairs. Damned if I'm going to cover them.
How not to look old? Why?