Letters to the Editor
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worse things than looking old
A local columnist ran a gushing article about this book several months ago. One of the tips is that if you have one of those multiple-stone necklaces showing how many grandchildren you have, you should throw it away. Not just put it away, throw it away. Gone. In the garbage.
Excuse me? Does any woman buy one of those necklaces for herself? Every woman I know who has one received it as a gift from her loving family, who assumed she was proud, not ashamed, of being a grandmother.
There are worse things than looking old and this book is full of them.
Also: nota bene. How TO look old. Wear the author's recommended haircut. That "Oh gee I'm 50 I better get some highlights and a round cut ending between my shoulder and chin" look is an instant tip-off, ladies.
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You are gonna get old, and you are gonna die
See above. Reread as necessary.
I have a frail elderly relative in a nursing home, so I've spent more than a bit of time there, and it's very instructive -- I suggest it to anyone with this kind of "delusion" that they can "stay young" with Botox or low rise jeans or the right book. EVERYBODY gets old, and then they die (unless you die young, which is very, very bad). There are no exceptions and no "do overs". Almost nothing helps, not by 80 or 85 or 90 -- not makeup, not clothes, not super-expensive moisturizer, not plastic surgery. Nothing.
The reason you look older is that the cells in your body are aging, and each time they turn over (about every 7 years), they are copies of old cells, and each copy is a little worse than the last (like a xerox). This is why babies and tiny children have this awesome, silky, satiny skin and kids have nice skin, and teens have acne and it's all downhill from there.
If your worst problem is wrinkles, you don't have a problem.
Most of the advice (in the book and other places) is awful and won't work, and often it is counter-productive. Short hair? it has more to do with your facial features -- you should wear what is flattering. Long hair on a old face can look sort of pathetic -- mutton dressed as lamb. But not always, some women look good in long hair indefinitely. Go by your own face, not a book.
Short skirts? More to do with your legs than your age! Tina Turner will always look hot in a mini-skirt, but most of us can't say this. Forget "fashion" and wear a length that flatters your legs and overall body shape.
Work out? whatever makes you happy and suits your lifestyle and health. But don't think it makes you look young -- nothing looks sadder (or older) than a muscle-y build covered in loose, wrinkley skin (especially exposed in a swimsuit or belly shirt). This goes double for guys.
Grey hair? Some people luck out with this wonderful "silver fox" color that is very flattering to their skin -- others get this awful sort of "grizzle", blotchy, uneven, "wild" hairs. Do what flatters and pleases YOU, but remember you are not FOOLING ANYBODY. Dark black or brown hair against a wrinkley face has never counfounded anyone in to thinking someone is "young". (And "ultra blonde" on anyone non-Swedish and over 25 is a guaranteed unconvincing fake.)
You may as well do what you want, and what pleases you, cuz basically you are going to get really old, really wrinkle-y and die anyhow. Until then, what matters is being happy, and being true to yourself.
God willing, you won't ever meet MerelyMortalMale, still running his vindictive acts at the teenage girls who rejected him a quarter century ago. (Yeah, like we believe that you aren't bald, fat and broke -- or like we think every guy over 40 is rich and can score a gold-digging 20-something "babe".)
BTW, MMM: in the nursing home, only about 1/3 of the patients are men (because men die earlier than women), but they are by far the saddest souls, because many of them are in nursing homes because they are widowers OR their younger trophy wives have dumped them. I suggest you check out the local nursing home to see YOUR OWN FUTURE, before you diss every woman YOUR OWN AGE as an undesirable loser.
Anyhow here is the skinny, and you don't have to waste $30 on a stupid book: the only things that help (a tiny bit) are NOT SMOKING and NOT SUNTANNING. Nothing else is worth ten cents.
Do what makes you happy, but don't waste any of your time and money trying to look (or act) young, because it's stupid and doesn't work, and there are so many more interesting and wonderful things in the world you could be doing instead.
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My little secret to eternal youth?
Even when I'm feeling down I've learned to hold my self straight, chin up and paste a damned smile on my face... Then surprise! Someone will smile back at me and it makes me feel great!! Like the old Jefferson Airplane song, "You're Only Pretty As You Feel".
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a classic old-school salon article
a few years ago I stopped reading salon because of the stream of "me me me me" articles written by "mothers who think" - a wonderfully condescending construction (the implication being that mothers who dont have the time or inclination to write little essays about getting to know their latino nannies dont actually think).
lately, I've come back, since these articles are few and far between. but this one is a classic: total self-absorbed bullshit from somebody who has the money and time to wonder about her half-assed obsessions.
and now, back to slate.com
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re: You are gonna get old, and you are gonna die
"The reason you look older is that the cells in your body are aging, and each time they turn over (about every 7 years), they are copies of old cells, and each copy is a little worse than the last (like a xerox)."
If it were that simple, how come two thirty-year olds can make a new baby? If the germ cells can keep making perfect copies of themselves, so can any other cell.
Aging is a process that will be understood, controlled and one day even reversed. There is no physical reason for it. We have evolved to last long enough to reproduce, everything after that is gravy, but it also means there is no evolutionary pressure to evolve further mechanisms to control aging.
There really is no such thing as "age" anyways, all matter in the Universe is the same "age". Can you tell one carbon atom from the other? Whether it was made a few million years after the Big Bang or a few million years ago, it will act exactly the same.
If you eat meat from a five year old cow, you will eventually be made out of the same atoms, how old are you?
There's nothing magical or inherent about our life span.
Please follow these links for more information:
http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/episodes/2007/06/15
Esp the Life's Limit and Fountains of Youth
There is a lot of research being done on the aging process:
http://www.stanford.edu/group/brunet/past%20rotons%20interests.html
I (if you couldn't guess) love this guy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strategies_for_Engineered_Negligible_Senescence
There is already an existing product that actually reverses one mechanism of aging
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alagebrium
Read that, get back to me if you still think your Xerox analogy holds any water.