Letters to the Editor
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@tina schrier
"As for what happens to their husbands, friends, and (all too often) bosses as a beautiful woman gets older--well, they do not hesitate to replace her with younger, prettier women. No wonder she's obsessed!"
Do you think this sort of dynamic explains this "writer"'s neverending quest to brag to the world about her own shallowness and self-absorption?
I'm not saying it is, but it might be, and I have to say, an article about her employment at Salon, from its inception to the current day, to the effect of "I Was a Sweet, Young Thing, and Now I'm ... Not" would make very interesting reading. If not from her, than someone who fits that profile more closely.
I mean, she obviously can't write (good lord, read her movie reviews some time), so why did Salon hire her? She's the sysop for Table Talk (Salon's chat room), so I suppose she must be a computer expert, so maybe the "sweet young thing" dynamic doesn't apply at all. She probably got her job through her conspicuous, and commendable, technical skills. That would put her in the "geek girl" category, a highly sought-after group (among the nerdly persuaded, of course), but geek girls, in my experience, don't obsess over their accessories and colors, any more than geek boys do.
But do all professional women, not just former "sweet young things", harbor the same sort of obsession with aging and their looks that's on such gruesome display in this article?
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About looking "young"
I don't want to look "young." I'm not. I'm 58. I want to look -good-. This whole thread, especially the people who enjoyed themselves criticizing women for vanity, made me go buy some more moisturizers and colors last night. Apparently, there's a new "wrinkle": feathering.
This is not the fur on an Irish setter's legs, but tiny vertical lines on the upper lip of a woman of a certain age. Lipstick can flow into these channels, and it looks like hell. Anyone know about that? -I- didn't, but Bigelow's Pharmacy sure did. Anyhow, feathering is at an end, and I'm sure you'll all be very glad.
I buy St. John Knits on e-Bay. Retail, the prices are unspeakable, but they're beautiful, comfortable, durable, and appropriate for my age, style, and job -- plus they travel well and transition from day to evening perfectly.
I don't know if I look old or young. I feel good, I turn the occasional head, and -I'm- pleased. But I grew up being taught these things and realizing that as you mature, you go from one type of clothing to another: it's an evolution, not a disintegration.
Last point. My late aunt was a -very- pretty woman. Everyone said so, and it was one of her core strengths, to herself. She went through a rough patch. Within 18 months, she had a radical mastectomy, a hysterectomy, and part of the lobe of a lung removed. That would be enough to kill some people. Not she. What kept her going? "I'm not going to be a hag," she said. Even before the doctor said she might, she was in her leotard, exercising at Eileen Powers. The hair might be a bit too bright, the face a little too roughed, but she was still a pretty woman, and continued so into her 90s, when she died.
She used vanity as a survival tactic. If it helped her keep going, thank God for it.
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tyop alert
"roughed" should read "rouged." She would never have allowed her skin to become rough.
This is why there are moisturizers.
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Brightstar
<<Attitude is much more important. Do you act positive and confident or do you walk around like Droopy the Dog. Do you do and read about interesting things? Do you act apologetic that you are no longer 22?
Looks is important only to the extent that you dress nicely and not as if you are much younger or older.
Men like honest, happy women with lives better than almost ANYTHING. At least REAL men who are worth having around do>>
Where is Brightstar and what have you done with him?
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What to wear in your 40's
If it were me, I would write a different book: "How to become competent and cool enough to keep you job and/or husband no matter how you look". :)
But hey, everyone wants to look good. So here's my personal style recommendations for whoever is interested.
The key, I think, to an older woman looking age appropriate is to stick to more classic styles (preppy or preppy-modern-with a slight edge) styles.
But don't get fossilized! Even if you love classic clothes don't try to keep wearing them forever! Anything > 5 years old probably needs to be retired--it will automatically make you look old if you keep on wearing it.
Don't forget to update your accessories too. My approach is to buy a few items each season that have something trendy about them--like a color or cut that's really "in" this season. It's easy if you shop at Target--they have trendy designs and they're super cheap! If you end up liking the style, then buy something similar of better quality and continue wearing it for a few more years.
Obviously, avoid all styles that show too much skin, and make sure whatever your wearing fits perfectly.
Also, be sure your accessories match what you are wearing. Nothing makes you look stupider than carrying a nightclubbing bag or wearing formal-wear heels while dressed in your work suit! Same with your jewelry.
In my job it actually benefits me to look *older than I am*. So I wear glasses (wire rims) on purpose, I spend a lot on shoes that make my feet happy and also project the appropriate vibe, and I have a large collection of silk scarves that I wear on days that I need to look particularly over-the-hill (=executive).
Where to shop? Obviously, it is different for different women because of different personalities and body types. For me, a 46 yo professional woman with a slender but athletic build, nothing at Talbots, Coldwater Creek, J Jill, or Ann Taylor fits me right---their pants come up to my armpits and are too tight in the waist while being at the same time too wide in the hips, their jackets' arms are too short, the shoulders are too narrow, and all their tops are way too big around.
Instead I buy my work clothes in Jr sizes at Target, J Crew, and the Limited. Many of my work jackets I have tailored to fit me better. My casual clothes are from Abercrombie, J Crew, and 7 for all mankind (they have awesome jeans).