Letters to the Editor
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My beautiful drug addicted son...
In my heart of hearts, I wrote this story. It's the most heart breaking thing I've ever done, and I'm still going through it. I will never quit trying, never give up.
You are a blessing to share your wonderful story.
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Bullsh*t on families without divorce having no problems
I call BS on people thinking that a two-parent family ensures no difficulties. I had a high school friend who was one of six children. Their parents were devoted, went to church, worked hard. The family was loving and close.
The third oldest child got into drugs, and fought with his parents for years. Finally one day, while high, he got into a screaming fight with his father, knocked the father down, and strangled his own father to death.
So don't fool yourself that just because you're not divorced, your kids will turn out perfect.
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Hey "billion angry bees..."
This quote is your self-righteous posturing:
"...maybe if your son had got his ass kicked hard early on instead of trying to therapeutize him things would have turned out differently."
Well...that doesn't seem to be the way that matters have played out in real time, on the ground. From an article on a recent report by the Centers for Disease Control:
"...According to the CDC report, these groups had the highest increases in deaths by drug overdose between 1999 and 2004:
# Females - 103.0 percent
# Whites - 75.8 percent
# Persons in the southern United States - 113.6 percent
# Persons aged 15-24 years - 113.3 percent
It's Not the Inner Cities
Although drug overdose deaths are historically associated with urban areas, the latest figures from the CDC show the greatest increases in rural areas between 1999 and 2004. This finding coincides with other research that shows prescription drug abuse, especially of painkillers, is increasing more rapidly in rural areas.
Rates increased during the five-year period by less than one-third in the Northeast and West but more than doubled in the South and nearly doubled in the Midwest. Rates doubled in 23 states, with West Virginia showing the greatest increase with 550 percent..." http://alcoholism.about.com/od/prescription/a/overdose.htm
As for the overall rates of illegal drug use (excepting marijuana): "liberal" California, a state with both a medical cannabis law and an enacted proposition that first-time offenders receive treatment instead of jail, is outranked by such "hardline Drug War" states as Kentucky, West Virginia, Texas, Wyoming, Oklahoma, and Utah... (sources: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Adminstration, Office of Applied Statistics- http://tinyurl.com/2zzch4 ; "Illicit Drug Laws" report from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation- http://tinyurl.com/yv42wy )
"angry bees", this message is from the reality-based community- go peddle your sado-moralist tripe somewhere more suited to it, like a vacant lot. http://www.spr.org/pdf/StoriesFromInside032207.pdf
( Decade after decade of the Drug War...to hear a recent broadcast from the front, click the link at my signature. )
cabdriver
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Me, too
I have been down David Sheff's road, only as a Motherwarrior instead of a Fatherwarrior (see my blog about adolescent addiction at motherwarriors.blogspot.com). I can validate that it took years for us to catch on that our son was using drugs and us. I, too, thought I knew him better than anyone and that I could tell if he was lying. However, addiction, like alcoholism is cunning, baffling, and powerful.
My son was a almost a year sober after his 5th residential treatment program. But this time when he relapsed, he got back on track much faster. The old anger is no longer there. The old desire to argue and defend and manipulate. Now when he relapses, he's just sad and wants help--and knows how to get help. We are very proud of our son these days. But we know what a struggle the work of sobriety is. It is an education for all of us. I'm lucky I had been going to AlAnon for many years before my son's addiction. That's a gift that keeps on giving--so much support for parents. MotherWarrior
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Don't give advice if you don't know addiction
I'm really tired of people saying that 12-step programs don't work. Yes, they do work. And, personally, I know of atheists who work 12-step programs. I happen to be one of them, and I've been clean from addiction for more than 24 years, thanks to NA. Many thousands of people have recovered world-wide through this. It's spread exponentially throughout the world because it does work. But, of course, if you're not willing to give up drugs, then it won't work. Many people need rehab to detox and be in a safe environment for awhile. But then, how do you live out in the real world? Where do you get support? I have a successful career, own a home, have successful relationships, etc. I am not kept "sick" by this program. Before you spew crap about something you know nothing about, do a little research.
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cabdriver
Hey asshole
Wife: recovering alcoholic
Father: bipolar alcoholic
Mother: recovering addict
Sister: recovering alcoholic and heroin addict
Maternal Grandmother: alcoholic and addict
Son#1: recovering addict
Son#2: recovering addict
Brother in Law#1: recovering crackhead
Brother in Law#2: recovering cokehead
So please please please either shut the fuck up or at least pretend you know what on God's Grey Fucking Earth you are talking about. And while you're at it take your fucking statistics and shove them up your idiot self righteous retarded ass.
thank you and go fuck yourself.
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Shame and Parenthood
Those of you reading this who are parents will need little explanation for the meaning of my headline.
Those who are not may need this reminder:
Remember when you were out in public or someone may have been visiting your house and your parent/sibling/relative of some sort did something you felt was extremely embarrassing, stupid, rude etc and you wanted to completely disown them and disavow being related to them at all...but you couldn't because you also felt loyal to them (and you couldn't anyway because you WERE related to them for eternity it seemed)well multiply that feeling by ten and you may get close to the SHAME a parent feels when their child does anything not acceptable by society (or just to their neighbors).
As a parent, I can relate to the author's instinct to "save" his son, to do whatever is necessary to make it OK and to hide the whole mess because he feels absolutely that as a parent he did something to cause this terrible outcome.
I have a son who shares a dual diagnosis of schizo-affective disorder and substance abuse (as so many mentally ill individuals do)and the shame associated with either of these disorders is a pain in itself in addition to the pain of seeing my son suffer.
I commend David Sheff for revealing his struggle in all it's messy reality.
We need to remember that at some point we no longer have control (if we ever really did--considering the whole nature vs nurture question) of our children's lives and as much as some people (who apparently have never made any mistakes in their lives) would like to assign guilt, most parents would gladly jump in front of a moving train to avoid seeing their child in pain.
There are times when we can only pray for strength and patience. And understanding.