Letters to the Editor
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Sometimes, little can be done but to wait
This is not a popular opinion, but I believe that oftentimes a parent of a young drug addict can do nothing but wait for the child to grow up and out of the addiction.
I was in a similar situation as Nic when I was in my early twenties in college. I was a drug addict, though not as extreme as he was. For years I was hooked on prescription medications pushed by a greedy doctor.
What got me out of it wasn't a revelation, a program, or a mentor. It was time. I just had to mature into my mid twenties before I had the intellectual abilities to break the addiction.
This seems to be more common in men. It has been proven time and again that boys mature slower than women, and some boys mature very slow indeed. Should any of these slowly maturing boys get sucked into the vortex of meth addiction, not much can be done but wait.
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a timely read
I was just on the phone with my ex-husband about our son. He is a beautiful, drug-addicted boy. At 21 he is far from ready to throw in the towel. I know we must wait, and it's hellish. This week he asked his father, and then me, to co-sign for an apartment. I've already been down that road with him. His father has cleaned up after a few scrapes. This time we're saying, "No." Just saying, "No," about co-signing for an apartment sent his father into tears. We are always doubting ourselves. I appreciate the idea of thinking of Thomas as two different people. His father and I both know that things can, and probably will, get worse. The waiting will get harder. Thanks to you and to your son for sharing your authentic stories. I'm going to email it to Thomas's father. Although he might not read it, I'm going to buy your son's book for Thomas. And I'll read both myself.
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Been there
My beautiful drug-addicted boy got sober by inches when he was 21. First he gave up alcohol, cocaine, ex and whatever else he was using during his first hospitalization after ODing and ending up in the hospital with cuts to his throat and arms. It smelled like a suicide attempt but he was also acting out in front of his girl friend in a rage. During counseling, I could see he had stopped progressing so I made a joint appointment with his therapist and laid it on the line.....Quit smoking dope (I'm not stupid) or leave the house and the car and the insurance etc. Today. Or you can stop using altogether, go to AA today and go to college on our nickel. Whatever. But the choice and decision is made today! I'm done.
He went to his first AA meeting that night and has been sober for 18.5 years.He got a science degree from a major university, is married and has a son. He did all the work. I just set the boundaries, finally. He could just as easily have been dead. I am grateful to him and the Universe for his hard work through the years. He still does meetings and helps others. Our booze bill at his wedding was very low since many of his friends are friends of Bill W. Even the minister.
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Genes or Environment?
I don't know if the books delve into this (neither of the interviews that I have seen does), but do the parents explore the possibility that their own narcissistic behavior was the key trigger for Nic's drug life? Affairs have a way of breaking up families and are generally based on lies. (Who tells their spouse about their intention to sleep around?)Also, trying to raise a child by shuttling him back and forth seems rather selfish. And how could Nic feel like anything but an inconvenience as his parents/stepparents go on to breed their next families? In this child's reality was a father he couldn't trust who probably appeared more interested in his new offspring; no wonder a chemically altered reality was so alluring. I know this sounds harsher than I mean it to, but I hate to see parents jump to saying their children's problems are genetic when the environment created by the parents may be the larger factor.
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If only us too Xanadu
Absolute agreement with Xero’s point of view. The story of Nic and his hard journey through drug addiction is so inspirational, it makes me wish I had been cool, edgy and artistic enough to take on a meth habit.
If only I could turn back time and say yes to more drugs. If only, then maybe I too could be intellectual enough to win a Hemingway (what’s that award look like? A plank of wood with a shotgun blast through it ?); or publish for Newsweek; or promote my book through the NY Times review, my face looking so edgy, artsy and Bukow-rific cool http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/26/books/26meth.html . What a dream. The young Nic Sheff could have only dreamed, I'm sure. What a message!
Do drugs kid. You really are the misunderstood hip genius you think you are, and someday you’ll show them all; just like Buko, Burroughs, Miller, Carroll and Sheff. Go on! You’ll be fine, and someday famous too.
Oh, if only…
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Tom3531! Dude!- Oy Vey Iz Mir! * (a.k.a. There Is No Spoon)
"Should any of these slowly maturing boys get sucked into the vortex of meth addiction, not much can be done but wait."
Tom. Dude! THERE IS NO VORTEX THE BOYS GET "SUCKED INTO".
THERE IS NO VORTEX THAT ANYONE GETS SUCKED INTO.
They have poor character, are self indulgent, and keep repeating a narcissistic choice.
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Painful truth
We have to stop saving our kids from themselves.
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Life Imitating Art
As soon as I read the term 'beautiful boy' and realised it was being used by a dad when referring to his adult son, I could smell something overly ripe in the air.
Maybe it's because I don't have parents who give a rat's ass about my wellbeing, which causes me to resent these over exposed stories of heroic mothers and/or fathers helping their beloved offspring recover/redeem/rehabilitate/release the demons/relapse and resurrect life.
It's so bloody American cliche from beginning to end. Here we have the well intentioned, intelligent, lefty, bohemian parent/s, and let me introduce the loved but estranged, disillusioned child who strays at least once but ultimately returns to the fold, albeit bruised and scarred. Obviously hereditary blood is thicker than the red stuff drawn back into the syringe.
Now here's a book worth reading, 'Stuart: A Life Told Backwards'. It is a gritty British book featuring an alarmingly interesting, yet strangely endearing rogue. The characters are real and it's not pretty, but the book makes for a pretty absorbing read. It's filled with comedy, tragedy, pathos and humanity because life is not always about being a beautiful child.
http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/06/12/features/bookmar.php