Because no matter how you feel guilty for delegating to another person you have to get out. But what you need is to explain to your ex that she doesnt deserve you. She is obviously using you - been there, done that, and now wants to completely destroy your self esteem by doing the "just friends" thing. She needs to just drop the kids off, and you need to do the same - no chatting, no finding about how happy the b---- is without you and how she "really hopes you find someone soon". Its not ok for her to keep you for friendship and screw someone else. Women will say all they want about men objectifying women, but that is cover up. THEY ALL COMPLETELY OBJECTIFY MEN whenever they buy a vibrator or dildos to replace a man. Youve found from experience you want a person. Go get what you want. It doesnt matter if you get laid at first, get to first base where you are talking and meeting women often enough WHEREever, and you will get to second base. Sooner or later.

Oh, and the person who insists on calling a 24 year-old woman "a child" is an ass.

God, is it any wonder there's so much sexual tension in this country? It's not the right wing that demonizes and represses sexuality, it's the bloody left!

and I don't believe for one second that nobody has ever called you fine. Maybe not to your face...

Single fathers are at less of a disadvantage then single mothers because its considered cute that they have kids and take on responsible roles. They are however disadvantaged because they're men and are trying to sleep with people who are in general not up for NSA arrangements as much as they are. The dating landscape is tougher for single mothers, but offset by the fact that men will sleep with anything, making their ability to get dates a little easier on that level. So, it all equals out in the end.

Oh for heaven's sake.

I'm older than you and single and I wish I had your fucking problems. What some of us wouldn't pay to be faced with your supposed dilemmas.

But if you're that wrapped up in the politics of sleeping with the nanny (which in my opinion is pathetic), at the very least, call a friggin' escort service.

I agree - stay away from the nanny.

Be smart, not sorry.

I agree. Your ex-wife crosssed your boundaries.

What you do is your business. She should be decorous enough to pretend she never saw it. She should not be there in the first place.

I (ardent feminist) have raised and launched my children into the world. It is hard work and requires a degree of selflessness. No amount of praise compensates for sleep deprivation, exhaustion from decision-making, and solo chauffering. I would have killed for a nanny. But even with that I can only imagine it is still a difficult job. Difficult whether the single parent is a mom or a dad.

A question surfaced while reading this piece: given the mental and physical exhaustion, who has the energy for sex? Just wondering. With another year of sleep, self-care, and mind-clearing activities, I might be there. In the meantime, sleep, self-care, and mind-clearing activities feel really good.

Do not give the ex opportunity to abuse you. Don't you feel shitty enough as it is? Forget the 24-year-old child (yes, child).

And don't give up on the hairstyling role. That was great. There are many moments like that ahead of you. And then they're gone. And then they're back. Now my daughter, being sincerely appreciative of my years of solo parenting, fixes my hair...determined to bring me up to speed. Just yesterday she introduced me to a new hairstylist, a culmination of her efforts to jettison my stylist of ten years. And she was totally right. I have really been a rut with the hair as it turns out.

Good luck. Don't despair. Sex will be there for you whenever. No one died without it. And do you really want a string of transients traipsing in and out of your kids' lives? I didn't and have not regretted it for one minute.

I'm 38, and about two weeks away from a final divorce hearing. I also enjoy shared custody of our one child with my soon to be former wife. I think I felt like this guy for about a month or 2- sick at the sight of the woman, etc. Now, I'm over it, and I do have some prospects. I met none of them in bars. This guy should have asked one of the yoga women out for some Smartwater. I'm hoping that this book was Trey's catharsis, and he is now doing just that. Now, I am going to go email one of the aforementioned prospects, buy the book, move Dogtown and Z-boys up in my netflix queue, and order some cyber-skin from adam & eve!

What on earth is wrong with a man having a sex toy? A busy man, not interested in meat markets (and the quick & potentially easy sex marketed there) can and should explore other alternatives, right?

Solo masturbation, in my mind, is an activity completely different from partner sex. In the first you've no one to please but yourself (and that's sort of the whole point); in the other, there's a give and take and some obligation to make things good for the other person.

I'm not saying that our valiant protagonist wasn't approaching his purchased partner as a substitute for the "real" thing...but maybe there are some advantages, at this point in his life, to the only true "no strings attached" sex there is.

Personally, I think everyone should have sex toys - and hope our hero replaced his (and learned a little about hiding places...)

Holy frijoles, man. I feel your pain, but...you've condemned yourself to a lifetime of celibacy. Clearly you're not happy about it, so why waste your time with a rubber pussy? That's a sad stand-in for the real thing, and you know that.

So if your nanny is offering herself to you, and she's of age and knows what she's doing, what's your holdup?

For that matter, why the hell is your ex-wife hanging out around the house if every time you see her, you get that "kicked-in-the-gut" feeling? I think it's time for her to move her vegan-veggie-choppin' ass to someone else's place, my friend.

Bachelorhood may be off to a rough start, but it always is. Trust me on this one. The key is to get your confidence back. That doesn't mean going out and getting laid. It just means getting back to centered, getting comfortable again. Stick with the yoga. Find other stuff to do that's social, co-ed, and fun. Don't bother with bars and clubs (big waste of time, if you ask me). Try rock-climbing, biking, or just walking a puppy through the park. You'll meet more women that way than any other, and you'll even be able to tell a little about what they're like via the miracle of conversation.

Oh, and rent "The Tao of Steve," if you have the time :-) Way better for you than the Dogtown Boyz currently.