Letters to the Editor
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weird weird letter
I agree with all who said, "huh, there's a father?!?" What about your marriage? Or do we get a bitter follow-up letter about how i gave my kids this experience, they're ungrateful and now the husband is banging the neighbor?
I also agree that salon has gotten way too into affluenza naval gazing. I recognize that everyone's problems are their own and thus important (to them), but this trend is turning off a LOT of readers, myself included. Not to mention that the coverage women get in salon is more about mommy issues.
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expat life not such a big deal after all
This past summer, my husband and I put our house on the market, put a bunch of furniture into storage, and moved our two preschoolers (2 and 4 at the time) from the US to Cairo, Egypt. We are barely middle class folks; this moved was funded by my now-employer, who also gives us furnished housing, six weeks of annual leave including airfare for the four of us back to the US, a generous number of paid holidays during the year that have allowed us to do some fascinating travel within Egypt, a salary that means we can afford a part-time housekeeper and for my husband to take some time off from working, and paid tuition for my kids at the nearby excellent American school. My kids currently attend a fantastic English language Montessori school that costs only a few hundred dollars a month. All this and I'm hardly a superstar in my field, just a regular working person only out of grad school a few years.
I can now say with confidence that moving abroad has been fantastic for all of us. My kids are thriving, especially because of the time they have with their dad. The working hours are better for me here too, so I have more time with them as well.
Cairo is huge, but life is a lot simpler here. There's not so much mindless shopping to do, though we can get all the American stuff we want (which isn't much, but we do like our peanut butter). There's a great produce stand and grocery store just down the street. We do have a great lifestyle. My kids are learning Arabic, and we are learning an awful lot about the world.
In the end, moving abroad has been life changing--today we were driving around for some errands and there in the distance were the Great Pyramids--but really not such a big deal after all.
Amanda's angst seems far more profound than needs to be for this. If you want to go, just go.
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If you stop to think of your kids...
...take note of the experience of an acquaintance of mine. This couple moved their young kids -- similarly aged as yours -- to a foreign country from the U.S. The little boy was so confused by the change and baffled by the different language and culture, he apparently came to believe he was a dog. Or he only pretended to be a dog, but didn't care to stop playing the game. At any rate, he did not exactly thrive.
I understand the writer's desire to shake up her life. As a stay at home mom of 2 toddlers, I can attest to the boredom and tediousness of everyday life in the toddler zone. But helping my kids grow up secure, happy, confident, and sane is absolutely worth me being bored in the afternoon.
There's always the Interent to distract!
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Rubbish
This reminds me of a Wall Street Journal article I read a few years back about the problems of buying a yacht. My heart went out to the writer then, just as it does to Amanda Ward now.
As a father, I was most appalled by the dad who said, "Come back every few weeks." Unbelievable. This is liberal parenthood? I bet Dad takes up with his secretary while Wondermom trots the globe, and yes, she deserves it if he does.
Thoreau said, "I have traveled many miles in the city of Concord," and that has been my mantra ever since I read it. A person who can't find a whole world in her backyard has no imagination. And a life devoid of real meaning.
So, by all means, go. America will be better off without you.
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best for who?
What if the best thing for my sons turned out to be uprooting them from everything they know?
Um...this whole article is about how moving would be the best thing for YOU, and YOUR needs. Your son's needs don't come into it, except as an afterthought.
Your traveling end up being beneficial for them, but be clear on the motivation. Not once in the article do you mention your sons needing a change of scenery - the whole thing is about how YOU need a change.
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There's a dad in this house?
What a surprise to get to the end of the article and find out that the kids have a dad and he's living in the same house. How about Ms Ward gets to go on an extended vacation and dad takes care of the kids? Or she gets to write at home or a different location and dad deals with the kids?
I have a friend who brought her kids to Mexico to have all the experiences. The little girl, age 7, made the most of it. The boy, age 12, hated it and made her life miserable. The next year the boy got to stay home with dad and the little girl excelled at her Spanish language school. Too bad for the boy. He can have memories of playing his video games while his sister has something really wonderful to remember. All kids are different even in the same family. It's a hard call.
Seems to me that Ms. Ward is experiencing a universal feeling that I had years ago when my kids were little. We all handle it differently but at least she has a husband whom she should involve more in the kids' lives. Why is she going to counseling when the dad is there to help? Maybe she should talk to him instead.
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Nice work if you can get it
Well, the author has the life I dream of having...dropping my kids off at daycare around the corner so I can have time to write, be a published writer even.
Gee, I'm not even going to be snarky about this: I am envious. I have three young kids, I work full time, and I am already shackled to the local elementary school. We can't even move to a different neighborhood because we are so lucky to be zoned for a good school; our options are limited. I can't imagine having the freedom of choice she does.
Ms. Ward is successful enough that she doesn't really have to give up anything. I have no idea what she's angsting about...yes, sometimes it is dull "just" being a parent. I hate hanging out at the local playground with my kids but this is what I signed up for and I try to do it with a smile on my face, for them.
A poster way back on this comment thread suggested the Salon try to get some different perspectives and experiences on parenting. Of course, most people who write these types of essays or columns are working writers, and therefore live in a certain measure of privilege, but it would be really interesting to hear from others. I'm not saying Ward's experience isn't "real" because obviously it is, but it sure as heck isn't common.