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I guess the simple answer to the teaser question is no, you'll never forget. I'm mom to the greatest kid in the history of the world. Truly. She's 5 1/2 and it's as if all the lights turned on at once. Her language, her sense of humor, her drawings - all have made tremendous leaps in the last few weeks. Her dad and I look at her, then each other and get all teary. She's not a baby any more. She's this wonderful little person who's only going to get more wonderful. And this is a girl who was barely on western growth charts for the first 3 years after her foreign adoption (all except for her head - her head was HUGE - 75th percentile on a 3rd percentile body.) And still I wonder about my life if I'd gone through with all the fertility things I didn't. Like the author, I did Clomid - 5 rounds. (My doc was handed to me by my HMO. His specialty was geriatric thyroid conditions. Not so strong in the baby making department.) After the Clomid, I was done. No more. I knew my child was out there in the universe. I just had to start walking toward her.
Now she's with me - and once again, the greatest kid in the history of the world. And I still wonder if I should have or should still yet pursue a biological child. I wonder if I've followed my path properly, done what I was meant to do. Don't we all? Don't we constantly have to check in with ourselves (and God, for those of us who susbcribe to such things)? Isn't that part of being a rational adult- guaging the past and deciding on the future? And if we're very lucky, the decisions are ones we can live with.
So, fellow mom, cut yourself a break. Cherish the memory of the child who was almost yours for a day. She led you to your pregnancy, your child. And this pregnancy and child may still lead you somewhere wonderful. Maybe even back across the world.
