Letters to the Editor
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She was wise
She knew her limits and honored her husband's wishes. It was a personal decision and she did the best she could. She judges herself harshly and there really is no need for anyone else to do so except that she wrote this very honest article and that is kind of an invite for any and all kinds of opinions, so I will add 102. Because of a congenital deformity (spina bifida) my son is paraplegic. He has no real mental difficulties except in the way that Larry David has mental difficulties. He is very independent, very funny, and often alone despite having a large family.
Finding out at his birth (even though I'd had extensive prenatal care w/ultrasounds and all) that he had this lifelong condition was traumatic. It was scary to bring home a child who wouldn't walk for sure, but there were books and pamphlets with long lists of horrid things that might happen and that had happened to other such children, and that were right then happening TO MY SON in the NICU. It was something I thought I should probably bail on. I loved this boy on sight, but the whole picture was just too big and scary, but I loved him enough to try it and have been doing it, imperfectly for sure, but doing it. Last year for the first time he was in the Boilermaker in upstate NY and won a racing wheelchair. That was exciting. He has been skiing on Mt. Hood, he fishes. He has been to Paul Newman's (special place in heaven if I believed in God for the Newman family) camps for kids with disabilities and Shriner's Hospital (a place I never thought I'd want to take a child of mine but it's the best argument for nonprofit healthcare ever). It's a good life with lots of shortcomings which is actually pretty much what everyone gets if they're lucky.
Because of my son I've seen and done things I never thought I could do. I've seen babies crawling on the floor at Shriner's with no legs and called them cute and meant it. I've talked to kids with all kinds of disabilities, injuries and burns and thought of them as kids first (not the kind of person I used to be). The fact is we've all got something whether you can see it or not. We're all just temporarily abled and there are all kinds of things out there waiting for us, car wrecks, diabetes, strokes, ALS, migraines, war, schizophrenia, addictions--endless list. Having a kid without a visible disability is tons of work and lots of surprises, not all of them good or bad. I really don't blame you for hedging your bets, but you are right to wonder if you really did the right thing for yourself by having turned down this baby. You're only human. Good luck to you.