ash2223 haven't you heard, teenage boys don't count and are better off being relgated to the ranks of second, make that third class citizens- we are somewhere behind pets. Bluecanary is amped and hyped to give this to her son because she is probably among the minions of female chauvanists who are too arrogant and egotistical to acknowledge that us boys have already had enough of an emasculating effeminized curriculum. But ash since you asked let me tell you about the life of a seventeen year old boy as it relates to your post- by this time i have been shamed for being who i am. It starts early on actually- on Disney, on Nickelodeon- the shows that daycare took care of me with that told me as a boy i was not equal to girls, i was never going to win a game or a race against a girl, i will never be able to be as smart as a girl, i will never matter or have an opinion that should be listened to or published like a girl. That message is reinforced and perfected by a curriculum that is presented in a way that you would think america was discovered by and built by teenage girls. from the science books to the social study (history books, english books) you will never see a pronoun he associated with an ambassador, lawyer, doctor, professor- those are solely reserved for "she". "He" is reserved for the criminals, the goofs, the homeless, the sickos and anything else easy to ridicule. We are taught about Rape, Date Rape Sexual Assault, Verbal Harrassment and Objectification are bad things done by males. On the other hand Emasculation, i.e. Castration, i.e the male version of rape is not only tolerated it is celebrated. Physical Violence by girls against boys- also uber cool- vice versa definite detention, possible charges and sex offender for life registration. I know feminists cringe because it doesn't work with their vision of themselves, but school is really a synonym for gender feminist oppression. And they wonder why we don't want to go to college- absolutely kills me- there is your answer- because boys are tired of feminist oppression. Porn magazines are banned from school- that is a good thing- but then we also need to ban marie claire, glamour mag and teen vogue- that is some hateful, objectifying misandry, and teachers carry it around like man hating bible saleswoman cackling over this month's sermon during their planning period. So ash - i hate my mom completely- normal for seventeen right, she is a "strong feminist" which means she has sucked at raising me because of her idiot ideas about boys/men. she wanted to socially engineer me- well mom it backfired. she should have not sent my father packing and denied him any custody rights. i am not going to college ash- i am smart enough -but i am tired of being mired in an estrogen man hating ocean known as high school- i could contribute to society ash- but i am not going to- it wants me to be third class- i will- i will find my way and find a path of fun- but to western society- up yours- i will not procreate-and you can watch your falling population numbers - cuz this culture/society of veiled anti-male hatred should and will become obsolete-

Surely they aren't *all* illiterate, inarticulate mooks. Is anybody listening to them?

I didn't move that often as a child, but I moved once and that was enough to know. I really enjoyed her sense of fragmented selfhood, and her wrestling with the problem of how to be a coherent whole person when her story is littered across the landscape.

As for the grinding business and teen sexuality... no "everybody" didn't do it, and some of us had a sense of disgust at teen grope fests when we were teens. Some of us boys tried, believe it or not, even at age 16 to have mature sexual relationships in high school. I don't know how I figured that out as a young male adolescent but I did. I don't know why that was my sensibility at age 16 and why I was a little put off by the public sexuality of the 1970s... but I was.

I think that helping teens keep their heads screwed on straight is something adults can do, not so much by commands or threat as by example and by actually have a relationship with our teens. But then, my kids aren't teens yet. Ask me again in about five years.

Wonder why everyone's so fat these days.

I remember specifically noticing when our firstborn was as young as a year and a half that he was quite literally giddy when my husband and I wrestled lovingly or teased affectionately, most often when we were physically together on the floor next to him. I commented on it to my husband: Let's never forget that this is what makes him happiest--when we get along.

It's an observation that's been reinforced often, albeit differently, as our three children have gotten older. They have always shone, just radiated, when we have been good to each other. They care more about that even than our being good to them. It's amazing, literally AMAZING to me, how anxiously and pathetically my now youngest will interfere with the escalating meanness that characterizes so much of his parents' arguments, like he will do ANYTHING to get us to be nice, to love each other. No, what's really amazing is that we can continue to act this way when we know how our children feel.

I'm so sorry, Emma.

Can the book contract fairy please give this young woman a contract of her own? Her essay bordered on genius and she's clearly got advanced writing chops for someone so young. Keep writing Emma--you've got a gift and a voice and a story to tell.

Reminds me of when I was a teacher chaperoning a school dance with my fellow colleague.

Apparantly we were wholly oblivious to a few girls who were giving lap dances in the middle of the dance floor, since we only saw the jumping gyrating kids on the edges of the huddle.

Neh. That girl did ok in my class. She was a nice if, I guess, sort of needy kid.

We had a little chat after class when one of the other students brought up the lap dancing. Y'know "What's with giving lap dances at Sadie Hawkins? You trying to be ghetto?"

A bit of blushing and head hanging. "Well, it was fun."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, it's fun but you just gotta take a minute to think about why you do things sometimes, and if those reasons are about loving yourself, or wanting other people to like you so you don't have to like you."

She got it. It was cool.

This Eliza girl sounds like she likes herself enough. She's choosing for her own enjoyment, not for someone else's pleasure.

At the end of the day I think that's the difference between some big senior publicly pawing a sophomore, and two silly teenagers publicly pawing each other.

Because, really? Teengers are ALWAYS going to be pawing at each other. We draw lines, we can talk to them about dangers and understanding motivations, and what is simply inappropriate because no one wants to be forced to sit facing a guy with a girl on his lap as he fumbles around with his hand up her shirt while I'm trying on shoes in the ga-damn cramped shoe store with nowhere else to look or sit, and the shoes I came in on had a broken heel so good lord just put your hand in your pocket for a minute, wouldja? No one needs to see that. Go grappling for her tits in the backseat of a car like a normal teenager. So there are those lessons, and boundaries that teenagers ought to be apprised of. Do not do private things in public places...like a shoe store. It's icky.

Teenagers grabbing each other at parties, with scads of other people around, and music thumping? Yeah, that makes sense. Something about teenagers who need to make their sexuality, their sexual awareness public. This is old news. There's no shutting that down entirely. That's what teenagers do. So long as parents can maybe communicate that old ladies like me would like to try on shoes in peace without watching you discover second base, and without getting an inadvertent peep show from your gum-snapping girlfriend who is, I guess, ok with her shirt being hiked up for the rest of the shoeless masses.