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Saturday, November 3, 2007 12:00 AM

How Oprah ruined the marathon

America's competitive spirit has been wrecked by feel-good amateurs like Oprah whose only goal is to stagger across the finish line.

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  • Saturday, November 3, 2007 07:19 AM

    Harrison Bergeron

    "THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal. They weren’t only equal before God and the law. They were equal every which way. Nobody was smarter than anybody else. Nobody was better looking than anybody else. Nobody was stronger or quicker than anybody else. All this equality was due to the 211th, 212th, and 213th Amendments to the Constitution, and to the unceasing vigilance of agents of the United States Handicapper General."

    Thank you, Kurt Vonnegut--we have seen the future.

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