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There is one thing that running races is supposed to teach us - there is only one winner and everyone else in the race is a loser.
How dare fat and out of shape people take that away from the winners?
The nerve of that Oprah Winfrey stealing all the glory that should belong to one person and one person alone.
My heart bleeds peanut butter.
How about a Marathon on Segways? That would be way cool.