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Saturday, November 3, 2007 12:00 AM

How Oprah ruined the marathon

America's competitive spirit has been wrecked by feel-good amateurs like Oprah whose only goal is to stagger across the finish line.

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  • Saturday, November 3, 2007 11:29 AM

    You kids, offa my lawn!

    Damn all of those weekend warriors and their four-hour finish times who had the temerity to ruin Edward McClelland's party! What next, handicapped people at the Olympics? Married women in Miss America? It's the decline of civilization, I tell you! Pretty soon a geeky guy from Tennessee will think he has the right to win the Nobel Peace Prize! Why can't you be happy with aerobics class at the Y like all of the other gym class failures?

    { shakes fist }

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