Letters to the Editor
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But it's not FAIR. WAHHHHH
You never know what "sometimes can be an ass" really entails. Frankly, it's none of your business.
And it IS all our business, because you have generated a spawn of fresh loose cannon rats to unleash upon the rest of us.
I deal with the detritus of this society in my dealings with insolent jackass room renters every day.
If you women cannot control yourselves and choose resonsibly who you bed and make spawn with, maybe that right OUGHT to be taken away from you by society.
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no problem here with the email, but the rest? Yikes.
I don't have a problem with the impersonal email. Who wants to call twenty (or more) different people and give the same tired story over and over, especially if it is still very painful? On the other hand, if you don't tell people you're divorced, you'll get people asking about the spouse for the next ten years. So, out goes the email, and the word spreads.
On the other hand, the divorce parties and gift registries are seriously pathetic. This sounds like an industry desperately trying to invent a purpose for itself. Just like weddings have suddenly become $25,000 affairs with chair leg decorations and doves, now the marketplace wants to cash in on the other end. DivorceParty.com, anyone? I haven't looked, but I'll bet that's a valid url.
If a person wants to celebrate that they are no longer in a relationship that makes them miserable, more power to them. Have some close friends over and a few too many drinks.
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Cultural Crossroads
When dealing with a society as shallow as ours it isn't surprising. The question Nora didn't ask of the divorcees is why. Usually I've found the answer to be a flippant, "we weren't getting along, silly."
That goes with or without children. Or the even more fashionable, "we no longer had anything in common." I've heard that from couples where the children have severe health problems.
I'm afraid my generation, the boomers, left this as part of our legacy. The divorce rate hit plus fifty per cent, compared to ten for mom and dad, and less for gram and gramps. We got the freedom part, but not the responsibility--and now another generation is trying to learn about love from the sitcoms and it just ain't working. (I don't blame so many for being angry, but remember: we had parents too.)
My wife and I lasted 38 years. 'Till death do us part actually proved true in our case. We were hardly out of some form of "treatment" during most of our life, and never reached the affluence many of our friends did who could afford divorce. But that doesn't mean I don't look back with pride, and embarrassment at the inanity of our disagreements.
It's also no wonder so many have been thrown into the hands of the institutionalzed religions that have all the answers, and now are wrecking havoc politically. It seems fewer Americans are growing up. Our political leaders clearly are a reflection of that.
Don't tell me we aren't at a cultural crossroads, and a lot of new thinking is going to have to occur to turn it around.
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The capacity for reflection is correlated with IQ
"From what's been written about "Divorce Parties", it seems like they think that achieving fabulosity, rather than reflection and a search for meaning, is the answer to all of life's joys and sorrows."
A noble sentiment, but the capacity for reflection is correlated with IQ. When a Nobel Prize recipient or a Fields Medalist throws a divorce party, I'll eat my words.
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how about gift reversal instead?
As someone who has not yet and might not ever marry, I must say that I'm really, really put off by the notion that people should buy yet more household gifts for a friend whom they already showered with gifts for their wedding, however many years (months... days...) before.
I'm all for supporting divorced friends. Sure, have a party! I'll commiserate, celebrate, whatever you like. But, instead of expecting more gifts from his/her friends, why doesn't the guest of honor instead dispose of still-usable things received as wedding gifts -- give that expensive set of chef's knives that were fun to pick out for your registry, but have never been used because you don't cook, to your friend who actually *does* cook (and who doesn't have her own set of super-nice knives because she's never gotten around to hitting up her friends and family for loot to celebrate her love life).
Seems to me that it might actually be cathartic to put some real thought into giving away the merchandise of the defunct marriage to loved ones. "Let my loss be your gain!" Of course I know that would never happen, it goes against the current American trend of expecting gifts for every occasion. I just received a baby shower invitation for a friend who's having her second child ... sigh ...
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Hey, Blue turtle, get yer head outta yer behind
"But to divorce for simple unhappiness is just plain selfish--especially when children are involved. Don't get married in the first place."
Besides the sheer idiocy of suggesting that I could have foreseen any of this "in the first place", I didn't ask for the divorce - he did. Having said that, do you really suggest I should have spent the rest of my life with someone who clearly doesn't want to be there?
OK, if I do stay with someone under those conditions, does he get to touch me? Do I have to have sex with him knowing that he doesn't want to be married to me anymore? Because, believe me, men will still screw the woman in the bed next to them, even as they're dreaming of leaving. My husband thought it was the least he was entitled to: since he was staying where he didn't want to be, he could at least use me to get off. After all, he was paying the bills.
In spite of the fact that it is now obvious that he was passive aggressively trying to get out of the marriage for years before he finally said it - up to and including giving me a written laundry list of "demands" I was to meet if we stayed together - I was in for the long haul. I never expected a lifetime together to be an endless picnic, I thought that there would be good times and not so good but that staying together meant just that.
I stayed home and took care of the house and kids and worked when I could. He never had to worry about the house or the kids, he was free to build a career, which included years of him traveling frequently with no notice. Everything else was done for him.
In return, he supported his family. He also did things I would never dream of doing to a person I supposedly loved and cherished and then he flew into increasingly frequent rages in which he accused me of doing what, in fact, he had done. For years I made excuses to our friends and kids to explain and defend his increasing irrationaliy. And when I call him irrational, I am using the term our marriage counselor used to describe him.
When he asked for the divorce I didn't hesitate to say yes. And "simple unhappiness" does not begin to describe why.
Now he makes six figures but does not believe he should have to share anything we built together, it's all his. Everything. He took our savings and has tried his best to make me homeless, while he spends thousands on toys, persnal ads and living the good life.
Your statement was overly simplistic, insulting, condescending and just plain wrong.