Letters to the Editor
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This tells me one thing
People are nuts.
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Brightstar - there's so much wrong - where to begin
"...marry someone my own father would not even have sniffed at. But then that was another generation where a man's character MEANT something"
A man's character still means something. And a man who whines, snivels, complains, belittles and lumps all women into one evil pile is displaying his true character.
A man who refers to finding someone to love as someone worth "sniffing at" is likewise revealing his true character.
A man who believes that money is so powerful that in order to get a mate he must either have a great deal of money or "be a dishrag" is showing the world - and every woman he meets - his true chracter.
You aren't ready for the woman you think you want and you will continue to attract either women you cannot have or women who will treat you badly as long as you display this whining anti-woman attitude.
I'm not just dumping on you. I was an active participant in my marriage. I attracted him, I was attracted to him, I stayed with him long after it was obviously no longer in my best interests to do so.
But I also know there are great men out there, men of great character. If I'm ever going to be with anther man, I hope to find one with character.
You remind me of my ex.
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Re what's with all the vitriol
Did you invite to your divorce party your ex-friend that told you at 25 not to marry the loser, that you were making a big mistake?
I think the "vitriol" has to do with the general resentment about being invited to the nuptials in the first place. Some people are tired of the lavish, over-the-top weddings, furnishing people with all sorts of expensive gadgets, cookware, china, etc. that the happy couple wouldn't go out and buy for themselves (a $200 champagne flute -- really?), and then being invited to the celebration of the end of the marriage a few years (sometimes months) later. Just a thought.
I'm sure your ex was an ass. Perhaps what you needed to do at 30 was a little more self-reflection (why did you marry the already divorced, perpetually unemployed loser in the first place?), and less partying.
And, no, although it sounds somewhat distasteful to me, this is not a general denouncement of divorce parties. Just some thoughts on why people are so down on divorce parties and those who throw them.
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Isn't this a Broadsheet Topic ?
Wow, if we removed all the bitter divorced male and females from this post, would there be anyone left ? Same for the editors which appear to award red stars based on their personal marital status. Is there anyone at Salon that is not divorced ?
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You know, you're right
We should all celebrate our depravity!
I will quit judging women and indiscriminately marry the first skank who is hot and who wants me just so I can have a divorce party a few years later.
It's all good. Hey, it seems to be the way most people jump into marriage these days, and what do I know?
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@Anonymous 01:42 PM
You make quite a few assumptions here.
You assume that my friends warned me against marrying the dude. You assume that if they did, I immediately dropped them. You assume that I had a lavish wedding and spent outrageous amounts on myself. You assume that I then threw myself another lavish party to celebrate the escape from that marriage. You assume that I have not reflected on my past mistakes. You assume that having a single party (two if you include the wedding) in five years means that I do nothing but party.
Not a word of that reflects the actual situation.
My friends and family were rather reserved about expressing how they felt about my ex because as a young woman and teenager I was a bit of a loner, but also stubborn and sometimes rebellious. Only one friend said anything that indicated she thought this might not be the best idea. It was this same friend that later threw the divorce party (which mainly consisted of barbecue, bags, and boardgames). I know that it was mainly my own insecurity that led me to be with such an inappropriate man. I am working on that. I live alone, but am in a relationship with someone much better for me. I work long hours at a pretty good job, and spend most of my free time voluntarily alone. Every other weekend or so I get together with my friends and we hang out and play karaoke and board games and mostly laugh. It's hardly a constant party, but my life is good. I don't need to justify it to anyone, but you should really check your assumptions.
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DON'T ASK me to your wedding/divorce
I'm a homo in a happy, long-term (17-year) relationship, but I've got to say, sometimes the hetero shit gets really deep and I want to break out the buttons I had made up during those ugly days of the "gays in the military" hearings:
DON'T ASK me to your wedding
DON'T TELL me about your kids
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I'm glad that you are in a better place, Chezyl
Chezyl,
I was trying to address your question about why the "vitriol," and did so in a flippant manner. I am happy to hear that you are in a better place. Of course you don't need to justify yourself -- I just wonder why you are spending so much time/energy justifying yourself. I haven't read your other letters so am not sure how much time you have spent on Salon, but it hardly seems like the salon.com letter boards are the place to seek personal validation.
- Anonymous @ 1:42
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It can really help...
...my ex and I hosted a dinner with some friends and our Unitarian minister. It really helped to recognize what we had meant to each other during the years we were married. Of course, there were no kids involved, and no money problems. If there had been, I suspect all bets would have been off,
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Hey brightstar..
So you never got sucked into marriage, eh? I recall your saying you had a 'few extra pounds' on another thread. I bet you are short, fat, and bald as well as bitter. Who would want to marry you anyway?