Letters to the Editor
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Just not for me
Gossip is an interesting topic, and it would be great to see some other author delve more deeply into the subject.
I'm not trying to be hateful here; this type of navel-gazing just doesn't float my boat. I certainly applaud anyone who is trying to improve their character, but I could not empathize with this writer. When she's gossiping, she feels guilty. If she isn't gossiping, she feels she's boring and self-absorbed. Um, okay.
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Has Salon jumped the shark?
Man, this article is right up there with "I bought a pair of jeans that were too small for my one-year old and had a life crisis."
Of course sensible people know that there is a huge difference between passing on legitimate news (e.g. someone just started an MFA) and discussing things that might be really hurtful (someone is cheating on her husband). The problems come up in the grey areas, e.g. when you mention to someone's boss that they are thinking about that MFA. It would have been interesting to read an article that really tackled some of the real issues about gossip, rather than setting up a false and silly dichotomy.
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This article should have been edited and sent to Cary Tennis
because it can't pass for being a well-written article, and it was meant to provoke some kind of emotional response from the reader, whether a helpful one, or more commonly, one of derision, as Silag deserves. Now not only do her friends think she's a narcissistic bore, but many of Salon's readers think she's a total boor. Ugh, I can't even imagine standing in a tight circle with my coworkers waxing so negatively about anyone, even one who is universally despised. How tasteless!
That type of behavior reflects far more negatively on the gossip him/herself than it ever does on the subject of the gossip.
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Appreciation for Tayuna
That was a wonderful letter. Thanks for elucidating projection so clearly. Reflexive insults are nearly always signs of projection, disowned shame, imo.
I was thinking of the cliche, avid gossip and wondering about it.
I think gossip is traditionally associated mainly with women because for so long it was a substitute for real power. Any facsimile will do when you're hobbled.
Imagine the energy avid gossip consumes. Then again, imagine it turned to peacemaking, problem solving.
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must consult the dsm
"Reflexive insults are nearly always signs of projection, disowned shame, imo."
Well, I guess an awful lot of Salon readers are reflexively (is this like "kneejerk" liberalism?) insulting, projecting, and "disowning" shame (reminder: must consult the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). The overwhelming negative response must be a reflection on the mentally disordered readers, and not about the stellar article, its tone, and its underlying message.
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Unqualified pop psychologists rush to the defense of a mediocre article
Readers of Salon who pretentiously refer to the DSM to psychoanalyze (without a license) anyone with the slightest reading comprehension for expressing their natural aversion to an unlettered, soporific emetic article are commonly known as busybodies and gossips.
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"Narcissistic bore," eh?
Those are two excellent words.
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People Like You
I've never liked people like you: the ones who can't keep their mouths shut and can't keep anything to themselves. Sadly, I dumped a good friend years ago because she didn't value our friendship. My friendship with her was nothing more than just daily grist for her gossip mill. She used me and the things I confided in her to feel important. See, I knew she liked to run her mouth. I just didn't think it applied to ME. When her gossip in our small town filtered back to me I felt hurt and betrayed. I stopped confiding in her and she was reduced from a friend to a mere acqaintance. I'm sure she was confused about it. I chose not to tell her why the sudden change in my attitude. After all, it would've been all over town the next day. She's no longer a friend. I'm sure your story was meant to be funny. Problem is, gossip is not always fun or funny.
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weird 'article'...
not that 'gossip' isn't an issue worth exploring, but not with this chatty catty...
1. agree with many posters who find the writer to be annoying, shallow, and well, a gossip-monger...
2. not ALL overly-chatty people are annoying, but MOST (99.99%) are; in general, the more a person talks, the less valuable their talking is to everyone else...
3. the writer's apparent definition of 'gossip' is so broad as to be meaningless; mere talk about others isn't necessarily 'bad' gossip, its part of life...
4. non-malicious 'gossip' can have a valuable service of society 'debating' and publicizing community morals, social do's and don'ts, etc...
5. numerous kampers suffer from teevee-brain, where constant 'entertainment', zero 'dead-air', and laughtrack-quality 'conversation' has to continue unceasingly, or they are 'bored'...
people don't value (or allow) silence as they should, and are w-a-a-y too uncomfortable with it...
art guerrilla
aka ann archy
eof
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You know, as much as I love 'Salon'....
...I'm not sure why they keep paying people to justify their personal failings and neurotic tics to an audience in essay form. They could just randomly scrape LiveJournal for much less money.
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I asked people to gossip
I still do. I'm going through a divorce and I'm sick to death of talking about it. I got married in the past year so I'm still getting "How's married life?" which tells me my friends are slacking on the gossiping.
I want the news to spread like a virus: "He took off his mask Scooby-do style after they got married and revealed himself to be an uber-religious, lazy, republican, womanizing, verbally abusive, multiple personality, halfwit, so she kicked him out. She doesn't like talking about it, just so you know."
Forward.
Repeat.
trust me, gossip serves it's purpose.
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The Power of Gossip...
I gossip, and I enjoy the power that comes with exchanging and withholding information at various turns. The thing is, gossiping can help or harm you depending on how good you are at doing it.
The best gossipers are smart about it. We know what to tell what person and not to tell another. Sometimes its about leading, but not disclosing. Other times its about listening. There's a trade off; I'll tell you mine POV if you give up new dirt.
And then there's speculation. It isn't just the info itself, but what the new information means. The information has to mean something to me or the person I'm talking to. Just running your mouth to hear yourself talk will get you burned faster than "dating" the cutest guy in H.S. I'm a really good speculator. I can forecast drama to come based on knowing the natures of the players involved.
And finally, there's connecting the dots. I'm careful about gossiping because even the most innocent piece of information can be connected to something equally innocent and make one big stink.
The plain truth is that gossiping is wrong. It can hurt people's feelings, and it can ruin reputations, including your own. Waxing poetic over someone else's drama is a sure sign that you have none of your own (which I'm glad to say that I don't!). Being judicious in what you say and what you listen to is always a good rule of thumb. While gossiping is enjoyable, you have to be careful with that kind of power because you might just get cut like a $10 hooker working wrong street corner. LOL