Letters to the Editor
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@ SeyboldP
You say that I have given up. First, don't confuse me with the first cocoa sipper. To me, she sounds like she is favoring reclusiveness. That is not on my calendar at all. I intend to keep living my life as it pleases me. For instance, if I get a yen for salsa dancing, I will take lessons, but not for the purpose of meeting men. Just because I think I might enjoy it. Indeed, I think I would.
What I mean is that I am just not actively looking for men. I am definitely not much on the bar scene or the club scene. I definitely don't like the neg-thing. I have noticed men doing this -- or rather trying to do it -- and failing miserably. Let them go, I say. The dishonesty inherent in some of the singles scene is definitely not worth my time.
As you can see, I am definite. I know myself and am happy with myself. I am not especially disappointed in men, but if I never watch another team sporting event, I will die just as happy.
There is too much I want to do and accomplish and always too little time to do it in. For instance, I want to read Proust.
I have not given up on life. I have not even given up on men. I am just not going contrive my life to get one and should I get one it would probably be by accident. I don't see my role as holding a mirror for someone else.
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And also...
Anonymous sock-puppet accuser here. Still waiting for that information about how to locate you.
Anyway, for the record, I am not saying that there is anything fundamentally misogynist about what is at the core of what Mystery does, which is to apply basic sales/business techniques (notice he doesn't really answer the "what kind of psychology did you study" question) to "romantic" interactions in night clubs. You could save some money by going to the library and reading any of the hundreds of excellent books on the subject, starting of course with Dale Carnegie. But hey, whatever.
And the fact that an underlying misogyny comes out when you guys are pushed a little is interesting, but tells me less about the program per se than it does about the mind set of the type of person who wants to become a "pick up artist" as opposed to, say, someone who is good at meeting people. What I object to is the way the media insists on giving this guy a platform to sell his product for free, and that's why I enjoyed the interview.
Hey, tell you what. Forget the library. I'll give it to you for free.
1. Get out there and practice interacting with people by, well, forcing yourself to interact with them. As they say in AA, "fake it until you make it."
2. Customers....sorry, I meant to say "women"...are good at saying no and do it almost instinctively, because they are constantly receiving offers. Except on those rare occasions where she approaches you, you have to overcome this difficulty, which will involve looking for neutral approaches intended to establish communication without triggering the "no."
3. Once you're talking, listen to what she has to say, both because she will be giving you cues about how to approach her and because you should be learning things about someone that you intend to spend time with. I mean, it's nicer that way, right?
4. Focus on "relationship building" first. Find common interests, establish a connection.
5. Be confident and positive and make plenty of eye contact, but keep a respectful social distance. Dress just a little better than the circumstances dictate. Groom yourself.
6. Defuse any anxiety that you might be the sort of guy who has no female friends (and spent his teen years playing role-playing games) by mentioning other women in your life, while making it clear that you are "on the market."
7. ...only not necessarily for her. See #2. By doing this, you may be able to inspire a competitive instinct, if she is inclined that way. But don't go looking for that - the main point is to give her the impression that other women like you because you are a safe and fun guy. The best way to do this, by the way, is to actually be a safe and fun guy with a bunch of female friends.
8. Get her to say yes to non-sexual things (like a drink, but not as an initial approach).
9. Make any compliments that you give genuine and keep it subtle - women get compliments all the time and have a better bs detector than you do. Do compliment her, though, ...
10. ...but remember that you are selling yourself, not her.
11. Have prepared, positive responses to any and all anticipated questions about your work, interests, etc.
12. Ask her questions. See #3.
13. Be selective, ie., do not waste time on women that you are not genuinely interested in. Broaden your possibilities not by lowering your standards but by developing your interests.
14. Do not waste your time trying to turn a "no" into a "yes."
15. Make no demands - women have very good reasons to be actively fearful of demanding men. Instead, "assume the sale" and focus on developing rapport.
16. Women are unlikely to "make the first move" in a blatant sense by making a direct play at you, but they will let you know if and when they are interested. At this point, without betraying any impatience or desperation, let them know that you are interested also.
17. If she changes her mind at any point after you believe the deal has been "closed," see #14. Be polite and nice, if only for your reputation's sake.
See? I saved you money. Basic business advice. Distasteful only if you see it as a mechanism for manipulation as opposed to what it is at its best, ie., a set of rules designed to get you focusing on and improving your interaction with people instead of just saying "gimme."
If you think that there's anything more "magic" to any of this than that, then you, my friend, are naive.