Letters to the Editor
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nice guy vs. asshole vs. confident guy
Being the quintessential nice guy is not the best way to land a woman--we all know that. But you don't need to be a prick, either.
Like many others, I was once that typical nice guy who had trouble attracting women. I am much more successful now. But I didn't need to become an asshole. I simply became more confident and simply grew a pair of balls.
It's not that complicated: Don't be afraid to ask a girl out. If you had fun on a date, go in for a kiss. Suggest an idea for a date. Don't be too eager to bend over backwards for her. This is the behavior of a confident guy. Does that make him an asshole? Of coure not.
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Hee!
This guy is FUNNY!
Best of luck to him and the guys who follow him.
I wish them all their hearts' content of Tarzan & Jane, evolutionary-psychologist-approved monkey sex, followed by all the bananas they can eat.
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Any straight male
who takes any of this seriously is either pathetic or needs to wean off mommies tit like yesterday. Just reading this makes me want to punch mystery-boy in the face, knee his groin and light his clothes on fire. Peacock that, girly man. Does your make-up smear?
Pathetic loser defenders of this twerp are even worse. Go get a life.
Bravo-Zulu Tracy--you rock!
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Good god
How ridiculous. You know, I'm sure this guy does get laid occasionally. If you keep hitting on women, someone is bound to say yes, and despite his ridiculous outfit, he's not a hideous looking guy.
Still ... I'm overwhelmed by the desire to take a tiny razor and shave off his silly soul patch. That's about the realm of my interest in this guy.
I think the "neg" thing is something a lot of guys use, and recently, my girlfriends and I talked about how utterly annoying the confrontational approach is. We'd really just rather talk to a nice guy. Really.
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Wow. Where is all this hate coming from?
It's just ice-breakers folks. That's it.
The hysterical overreactions I keep reading are starting to veer into the "disturbing" side.
If you go into a job interview the adive is to give a firm handshake and look people i nthe eye while speaking.
Same thing here.
It's just techniques to help shy guys who tend to get overly nervous meeting ANYONE (let alone women) to communicate better.
Just as good interview skills don't amount to "mind control" that gets you every job instantly -- so to good social skills do not equate to "mind control" that forces women into sex.
All this hate that's being read into the advice Mystery is giving is odd and a little disturbing.
Flip the script:
If a WOMAN gave advice to another woman such as, "Be confident. Don't immediately start talking about how horrible your last boyfriend was. Look for scoail cues as to whether or not the topic your talking about is interesting to the other person."
If a woman gave another woman this advice for chatting up guys in a club -- would we be seeing all this hate?
Nope.
But if a man gives another man advice to talk to a woman such as, "Look her in the eye and try to smile. If you're talking about music and she is looking around the room, bored, interpret that as a social cue that you should change the topic." --- this is viewed as, at best, pathetic and at worst an attempt to rape!
And the women her areso indignant! So insulted!
Exactly what ice breaker is it that they find so "insulting"?
Well, the actual advice they don't mind -- it's the implications!
"This guy thinks we're all...we're all stupid whores!"
Um, how exactly are you getting that based on the common sense advice of "Act confident. Smile. Find topics of mutual interest?"
Just curious.
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Arguments aside, it works
Sorry to all those who feel offended when the magician reveals his tricks. You sound like disappointed young children when they realize that, no, he did not really pull a coin out of your ear or pull a rabbit out of an empty hat. Romance is not sorcery and love doesn't "just happen," as many letter writers want to believe, perhaps from watching too many chick flicks. Chances are the men you have "clicked" with have honed their techniques from trial and error over the years. I know I have.
It's a little unnerving to realize that our eyes and ears can get the better of us, and that someone can use tricks to get us to feel, think, and do things we wouldn't otherwise. But that's life. Human psychology and social stability rely on the fact that we can be swayed and influenced by appeals to our needs, fears, and desires. It is not necessarily manipulative or unethical for someone to perfect that interaction to mutual benefit.
Social interaction is an an art form to be crafted and honed, not unlike the workings of a magician. Is it so horrible that someone wants to improve himself so his interactions with others are more mutually beneficial? Or would you rather a lonely geek remain "true to himself" and live out his life horny and isolated?
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Dan gives good advice.
As a sometime denizen of Broadsheet, I have been puzzled by the number of guys who say that women won't give them the time of day because they are "nice."
Could it be that what women mean when they say that they like "nice" guys is different from what men mean when they say they are "nice" guys? Does nice mean unassertive?
Most women I know when they use the word nice mean not-an-asshole and not-a-jerk and not-a-user. However, I am wondering if by nice men mean not pushy about sex, not willing to stand up for oneself, not able to ask for a date, not able to risk a kiss, sometimes not even able to hold her hand? This is nice? NOT! Women expect men to want sex. Nice guys can ask for sex. Assholes get really physical and try to practically force sex. Nice guys can stand up for themselves. Nice guys can make the first move for a kiss. Assholes start all kinds of touchy games beginning practically at hello. Nice guys can ask for a woman's number and then get on the telephone and call her. Assholes ask for a woman's number and then never call. Or they insist on closing the deal that very night.
I think what is going on in some of these seemingly endless discussions that disintegrate into men vs. women is that confidence -- simple confidence is so precarious -- to be confident is to run the risk of being accused of being arrogant. We reduce everything to the currency of beauty, style, career, intellect and, last but not least, the currency of the wallet. This is pretty sad. We can preen about every attribute we HAVE but we cannot display the normal confidence of simply being comfortable in our own skins.
Life can be brutal. There is much to erode our confidence over time. Yet watch a child learning to walk. He/she will pull up and fall down, take a few steps and fall down, laugh, get up and fall down again. Through sheer enormous confidence, everyone of us learns to walk. No MAGIC was necessary. No instruction via MYSTERY was needed.
What I wonder is this: Can a man who relies on Marovik's facile and increasingly apparent techiniques ever acquire true confidence? It seems to me that being someone you are not would eventually erode confidence. Even if this behavior is short term successful, is it capable of delivering long term self-esteem.?
I have been told on occasion that I can be "charming." This compliment always takes me by surprise. Whenever it has happened were always times when I was feeling happy, confident and being utterly myself.
When I am feeling down or preoccupied, when my self esteem is shaky, or I am worried about how I am being perceived, I never get that compliment. Lack of confidence actually repels people. Confidence is a bit like a drug; it lifts me and those around me.
Now let the attacks begin. It is compelling to be confident, but to actually say that you are and to feel good about yourself is to invite the criticism of everyone who is not. However, what Marovik has -- as so telling revealed by Clark-Flory -- is not confidence but posturing. It is smoke and mirrors designed to conceal the execution of tricks.