Letters to the Editor
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Ma, come quick, something's happenin' on the internets!
I love it when the mainstream media (and I completely include Salon in this category) suddenly notices something that's been on the internet for years, and then decides to write a whole bunch of stories about it as though it's news. I'm not sure whether you ripped off CNN or they stole your idea for a story, but I've got a scoop for both of you:
MyDeathSpace.com has been online since March 2006. In internet terms, that makes it 10,000 years old. You are posting an old meme: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/Old_meme
Seriously, don't try to tell us about the internet. We live here.
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Correction
It's actually been up since January 2006, so you're even later than I thought.
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Uh, Stevo48?
Internet machismo is soooo 1999.
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There Is Nothing Remotely Funny Or Entertaining About ANY of This
Not long ago a MySpace acquaintance re-posted the death announcement of another member, and his thoughts about her passing (he had met her on a few occasions, and corresponded a bit). I was deeply touched by her story and tragedy, and managed to make it to her page. Her four closest friends were in emotional agony because together they had discovered her corpse. I messaged one of them, explaining that though I didn't know her or her friend, I might have a story that could help. My sister had discovered her father-in-law in much the same way. I told the friend of the deceased MySpace member that it had taken a while, but my sister had gotten over the memory, and that she and her three friends would as well.
The deceased woman's comments section is loaded with testimonies from friends and relatives. Her page has become a shrine to her memory, and the thought of it ending up on some shitheel site like mydeathspace.com makes me sick. I've been thinking about shopping around a freelance piece about this phenomenon, this turning of the pages of deceased MySpace members into digital memorials, and I intend to pursue that idea. Except now I will add a few sentences about how digital graveyards sadly attract digital buzzards.
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"I've been thinking about shopping around a freelance piece about this phenomenon,"
A little late, don'cha think?
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Those Who Live By The Sword
"Visitors who write Patterson e-mails critical of MyDeathSpace run the risk of having the text of their e-mail (and oftentimes, their e-mail address) publicly displayed on a "Hate Mail" discussion thread. Members often respond by trolling the Internet for facts or photos about the complainant in order to post them. Salon contacted several people who are critical of the site, but none would speak for the sake of an article, fearing repercussions by the MyDeathSpace community."
So, what's to stop emails, and oftentimes email addresses of the My DeathSpace "community" from being publicly transferred to websites entitled "Dead Teenager Suck!" or "Tough Shit You Cowardly Dead Mothers of Stupid Kids" or "If Your Child Died Fuck You" or "Dead Teens Parents Are Garbage" or Yeah, Imma "Constitutional Right to Talk Constitution Rights And Sure! Imma Joining The Army As Soon As I'm 18!".
Easy enough to arrange. Hiding in plain sight no longer is hiding in plain sight.
Such information about this "community" could be publicized, mined and checked upon by college administrators, employers present and future, fellow students, neighbors, relatives, perfect strangers, would-be-lovers and future spouses, and would not violate free speech any more than would a site such as MyDeathspace.
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there should be a way and if there isn't sombody should create one, and if necessary laws should be passed requiring that
people have the ability to set up ahead of time that certain things happen when they die, like their my space page is deleted or replaced with one that they have prepared. People have a right to direct the disposition of their physical property when they die and they should be able to do the same with their cyber property. Property in this case being "things which they have a right to do or control when they are alive".
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Why should only Anna Nicole get shit on?
You all deserve it.
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Think before you shoot off your keyboard
Memorializing someone online is a good idea, a beautiful way for friends and family, especially the young, to express and work with (because sometimes, you never get "through") their grief--perhaps more effective than the traditional flowers-and-card that I grew up with. But I have this to say to the callous, callow, and rude young people who feel that they have the right to make fun of the deceased, their manner of death, and then make cruel comments to the family/friends and empty statements about the first amendment: Someday, not too far from now, you'll look at your toddler, your fourth grader, your teenager--whom you will love more desperately than you ever loved anyone--and you'll remember the crap you posted to another parent, and feel the bile of regret and shame in your throat. We all have moments in life when it becomes clear to us what wrong we have truly done. They are never pleasant.
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So True
Thoughtless words can become more and more cruel the older the speaker gets, as anyone with any maturity will tell you. NO ONE, especially parents, should be tormented with an inconsiderate comment about their deceased loved one from another, young or old. And, yes, the First Amendment protects the right of the ignorant and unfeeling to say whatever they wish to a grieving parent, but humanity, compassion, and decency counsel otherwise. More bluntly, just because you CAN say something hurtful to a complete stranger who is mourning the loss of a son or daughter or any loved one, doesn't mean you SHOULD. Learning that apparently takes some longer than others.
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memorials and holier-than-thous
While I agree with many that the mydeathspace site postings are often disgusting and crass and disrespectful of the dead (and their living relatives), I wonder how many who have posted such sentiments enjoy reading The Darwin Awards and get a chuckle out of some of them or lament the stupidity of others? I don't see how this is any different beyond being interactive. Maybe that's the step we don't like. I doubt any of the posters on that site would show up at a funeral and make the same comments as the bereaved exit the cemetery, but they are empowered to do so when they read about it online or in any forum.
Also, having had a good friend with a strong myspace presence die, the memorial aspect of the myspace page is really important for those who live far away from the deceased or can't make it to the funeral, or who want to stay in contact with others who are also mourning that individual. But it does become creepy after a while ... all those bands posting their concerts or random "friends" who aren't in the know posting generic "Hey what's up?" comments... you start to get a little upset. The archive is open to the public, though.