Letters to the Editor
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Invisible Mommies
I, too, thought this article would talk more about lower-middle and lower class women who opt to stay home, or who are not able to do so. Oh, well....
But on Bennett's contention that women should stay in the workforce to protect themselves against losing their spouses to death, divorce, etc., I can offer some firsthand comments. I grew up in the late 70's-80's, in a family with 14 children. My father worked in skilled trades and, while we were definitely not wealthy (lots of used clothing, no vacations, etc.), he was able to provide the basics so that my mother could stay home with us. It was a very happy childhood, which changed abruptly in 1983, when my father was diagnosed with a brain tumor and died within 4 months, leaving my mother with all 14 of us still at home, ranging in age from 16 (me) to 6 months. Now that I am a parent, I can imagine the anxiety and the burdens she shouldered, trying to care for us. We received social security death benefits, and there was a little insurance. Our standard of living plummeted; we were always the "holiday charity family," and our after-school jobs went to help the family, not for teenage wants. Mom took out all the grants and loans she could, went back to school, and eventually graduated. She worked part-time at various jobs, as well, and I find it amazing that she graduated in only 4 years. She got a job as a social worker fairly quickly, and gradually, (especially since we started leaving home), the family standard of living rose. Those of us who chose to go to college paid for it ourselves. Several of my brothers went into the service. All of us lived in poverty as adults and gradually have worked our way into more secure lives.
I said all that to say this: financial insecurity is a fact of life--disaster can strike anyone at any time. But poverty in and of itself did not make us unhappy. Sure, it was hard to have pipes we could not fix, a tiny car that had to be pushed to get it to back up, even more charity clothes, no television, ice in the toilets, sewage in the basement, to have my mother and younger siblings move in with a sister for the winter because she could not afford to heat the house, etc. She was very fortunate to be able to keep the house at all. But for the most part, we were happy, and our experiences have actually proven valuable character builders. The serious problems we suffered stemmed, not from being poor, but from not having a father, or a parent at home. My mother could work to support us, but she could not be a father to her sons, and she could not be everywhere at once. Two involved parents, in my opinion, trump a good income and material possessions every time. Having a good job will not replace your spouse's value should you lose him/her. If a woman chooses to stay at home with her children, she is giving them the gift of herself, and should be encouraged. If she loses her husband, she will be able to survive, if not immediately prosper, financially--but in order for her family to thrive, she will need lots of family and social support--that is what she should strive to build while her marriage is intact,and will be of more help to her than a substantial paycheck.
Leah