Letters to the Editor
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most people hate weddings
what kills me these days is the 'destination wedding' or the one where you have to drive somewhere else and spend the entire weekend involved in wedding activities.
do brides realize that most people hate giving up even ONE saturday afternoon to go to a wedding, let alone an entire weekend?? The egotism and sheer cluelessness simply overwhelm me.
Having said that, if people want to spend millions on a fantasy wedding, they should be allowed to without being slammed by salon readers (unless, you know, they want you to spend the whole weekend with them).
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Where Would the Court Shows Be without Out of Control Weddings?
It's a staple of Judge Joe Brown, Judge Alex, Judge Mathis, et al.--the wedding day that was *ruined* because the punch wasn't the right flavor, the flowers didn't arrive on time, the videographer did a crapass job, etc.
Seems awfully easy to "ruin" a wedding.
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Did you do the Time Warp at the reception?
This is to the previous poster who boasted about the "She got hers, now he'll get his" sign on the just-married car. Veteran "Rocky Horror Picture Show" fans know that this is the sign on the wedding car in the opening scene!
Gives me creepy visions of what your honeymoon was like...
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How to Have a Better Wedding
My husband and I got married about a year ago. We spent less than $5,000.00 on the whole thing, including clothes for all the wedding party. The wedding was very us: I wore red, and my husband wore white, we built and created two altars and the centerpieces were made for about $3 apiece. We rented a city facility with a beautiful view, had the catering done by a local gourmet grocery store, served our guests homemade absinthe and opted to buy an iPod instead of hiring a DJ. About 100 guests were in attendance.
For months after, guest after guest complimented us and told us that ours was one of the most beautiful weddings they had ever attended. What made it stand out?
I firmly believe it was the ritual of the ceremony itself, written together with our friend who officiated. It had elements of pagan, Hindu and Christian ceremonies, and included me washing my husband's feet. People are hungry for meaning and ritual. While they may not have understood the significance of the elements we included in the ceremony, they could sense that they echoed something greater. They went away with a smile in their hearts and a sense that we really meant it.
Ultimately, it's how people FEEL when they watch you affirm your love that they will take away. They want to know that you love each other, and to find that love reflected back to them.
And that's not something that costs thousands of dollars.
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Anonymous,
Of course, it's not the honeymooning couple you need to worry about at all. It's the best friend and his steady girl, who look on the verge on an engagement themselves, who are in for the wild night.
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Hey, speak for yourself.
to the anonymous who claims that "everyone hates weddings" - that's not true. I love weddings. I love being invited and I love going to them. I think it's great when people get married, and I don't judge them for how they do it, either. at a big hotel or in a park, they're always a great time.
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I'm a feminist
To the poster who thought that feminists would be angry to learn she had porn-sex with her husband (as a reward or something?): it didn't anger me, and I don't even know what it has to do with feminism.
Feminism is about choices -- the choice to have a lavish wedding if you wish, or a backyard bbq; to work outside the home or not; to wear mini-skirts or 'trousers'; to vote.
Poster, I hate to break it to you, but if you drive a car, vote, make your own decisions about how you want to dress, think you should be paid the same salary as a man for doing the same job, then you're a feminist too.
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following the tangent
Watching porn for ideas on how to "sexually reward" your new husband is like watching WWE to get pointers for your junior wrestling tournament. Porn and WWE are both obvious distortions of reality. Apparently the newlywed really wanted to learn about degradation, and how to fake an orgasm...? Must have made for a fun-filled night. ; )
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I had a great wedding, outside of the system
I was in graduate school and did not want to spend a lot of money: I really, really hate the idea of being marketed into spending money I don't have. I wasn't broke, and my mom wanted to help, but I also did not want to throw my money away on constructed memories. I used to work in advertising and am all too familiar with the history of the diamond ring and the machinations of this industry (also being forced into overpriced ugly dresses as a bridesmaid helped me to see the light).
But I still wanted a special day to celebrate and set aside--one that was recognizable as a "wedding day".
First, we had a big bash with all of our friends for the engagement: a standard BYOB grad party. This shortened the invite list considerably. None of them were required to do the gift thing either (another scam!) as a result.
Then we only invited our very closest friends to the actual wedding, as well as some close relatives. 30 in all.
Reserved the dining room of a great restaurant and spend my food budget on a prix fix dinner. My in laws' gift was a cocktail hour before the wedding where they covered drinks for all thirty. Instead of a gift, sisters bought really good wine for the dinner. No DJ, but a friend played spanish guitar during the dinner. Cake was 3 tier cake decorated with flowers bought at wholesaler (to match bouquet)
Went to a flower wholesaler and bought big bunches of flowers myself. They recommended a designer, and she made the bouquets and boutonnieres for very little.
Instead of a wedding dress, I went to saks for champagne colored cocktail dress by DKNY, and matching wrap. I can still wear the dress. The dress cost more than I would spend on a dress--BUT a fraction of what some hideous meringue-y confection would cost. Same for the shoes.
One attendant; she could wear anything she liked as long as it was blue. Any kind of blue.
Hired an art/photog. student for the price of dinner and drinks and a bonus of $100 to take photos--he just gave us the film and we developed the negatives etc. and then picked the prints we liked; sis took some too.
It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that--it was elegant, unique, tasteful, looked traditional enough....a stand out day BUT did not succumb to any of the marketing industry crap.
Doing it yourself is 1000 times more fun than hiring some weddingbot.
I had a budget of about $5000 dollars. I made it through and had about $1000 left over!
Seriously, just throw a fun dinner party for those closest to you--buy them dinner and buy yourself a nice dress and some flowers.
Didn't bother with a honeymoon--went away for the weekend, had a great time eating out and fooling around and that was that. There was nothing to recover from.
I do not understand how or why people become convinced to fork over cash for such hideous TACKY events with bad food, bad music and ugly clothes! The sheer repetitiveness of the "unique" wedding is appalling.