This should be required reading for anyone about to be sucked into the pocket-emptying wedding industry, while planning for the beginning of the rest of their lives. Every time I attend another relative's wedding I find myself wondering how many months of rent were wasted on the open bar, flower arrangements, hall rental, etc. And none of my relatives are wealthy! So much pomp, gravity and $$$$$$ for an essentially boring and rote ceremony.

And does anybody ever fondly remember a wedding for

the flowers, or the vows, or the choreographed groomsmen and bridesmaids standing uncomfortably for a stiff, stifling eternity while the bride and groom mumble boilerplate vows of devotion and love? Of course not. A wedding is remembered for the impromptu family reunion at the reception, for who got drunk and made an ass of themselves, for the candid moments of conversation with people you haven't seen for years.

Sure, you can spend $5,000 on that fancy, tasteless, disgusting cake... but why get sucked into that BS? Put the money in a mutual fund or something and save for that house you want to buy in a few years.

My wife and I were married 3 years ago. We are far from rich, but even if we had been, our overriding goal was to avoid the extravagance and disgusting, conspicuous consumption that so many people try to impress their relatives with (who are just waiting for the open bar anyway). We were married by a magistrate in a mercifully short ceremony, threw a party with plenty of beer, wine, and friends for a few hours, and played our own mix of tunes on a sound system that a friend provided. It was a good time, not boring and I still look back on that day fondly. And, it cost us less than $1,000.

A wedding shouldn't be about having "the perfect day". It should be a time of reflection and committment to the marriage that one is (hopefully) committing oneself to for the rest of one's life. And it's an excuse to have a nice party. I don't understand why many Americans think spending themselves into penury equals a strong beginning to their marriages.

Reality check: Cinderella is a FAIRY TALE.

We paid a good bit less than the average cost of a wedding. But more importantly we (a) paid for the wedding 90% ourselves along with a generous cash gift from my husband's parents AND my mother did a lot of things herself (address the invitations, MADE my beaded headpiece and earrings, and my matron of honor's jewelry, helped me assemble the favors, etc) that would have cost me thousands from a wedding planner and (b) we paid WITH MONEY WE ACTUALLY HAD. Everything went on the credit card and the credit card was paid off every month. (Boy, did we rack up some serious bonus points on that card that year!) We did not go into hock for a single day.

I agree 100%.

Way too many of my normally smart friends have sucked in, and one even spent well over $50,000 on a wedding that was mostly just hassle...though it was "pretty". She barely remembers any of it, she was too stressed and busy.

Having gone to Vegas myself, I was shocked at how many of my friends & family were a little put off that I didn't tell them of my plans. My cousin had made that mistake and her elopement became 44 people in a chapel in Vegas.

If she can strong arm her parents into a mortgage size wedding and act like an Alpha Bridezilla to everyone, especially her husband to be then, more power to her! She's their problem. May they live happily ever in whatever screeching over medicated ashtray throwing hell they've mapped out for themselves.

My husband and I married in December in a small private ceremony in our home. In all we spent about $1500 and it was a lovely private ceremony and fun party. I relished the intimacy of our ritual and we were able to relax and enjoy every minute. However, for months afterward, we had to deal with the fallout of not inviting everyone we knew. People were truly offended to not have been invited, even when we explained that our own parents had not been present. I can't imagine beginning my marriage with that sort of debt and stress. I'd like to know how wedding costs correlate with divorce rates!

I've been afraid to get married, & one of the reasons is that I don't want to have anything to do w/ the whole wedding machine/complex. You can go to city hall & then take a little trip, just the two of you, but man--the fallout from just doing what you want to do! Incredible. The problem is, you've got mothers re-living their own wedding days, sisters wanting another "special day," nieces looking to be princesses, friends looking to get validated/drunk...when all it's really about is 2 people, not 10, or 50, or 200. I feel sorry for women who buy into all the wedding bullshit. They just seem dumb & weak to me. And financially idiotic.

In addition to everything mentioned in the article, my least favorite trend is destination bridal showers and bachelor/bachelorette parties. So I'm already spending however much to buy the bridesmaid's dress plus airfare and hotel for the wedding -- not to mention engagement, shower, and wedding gifts -- but I'm also supposed to pay for another trip to Vegas or wine country for a compulsory spa weekend? It's bad enough if the bride and groom want to bankrupt themselves for a wedding, but to ask your friends to go into debt to participate in your wedding is crazy.

A good example of things run amok: A friend of mine was a bridesmaid a few years back. Because the bride was marrying into society, bridesmaids were required to attend a series of 4 engagement parties and were expected to have a different semi-formal dress for each event! Another friend shelled out more than 2K for the "privilege" of being a maid of honor this year. Who has this kind of money?

(FWIW, I don't really have a problem resisting the pressure of excessive gifts and events. But the obvlivousness of some brides to other peoples' budgets is astonishing.)