Letters to the Editor
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The shaming of childbirth
My son was born after a 21-hour labor with a couple of hours of epidural at 6 a.m. after being in labor since 6 the previous evening. I had the epidural removed after I was completly dilated so I could push, and spent the next three hours screaming so hard that I had a sore throat for a week after the delivery, though I walked out of the hospital in otherwise total comfort hours after his birth.
My son was in my arms and nursing moments after his birth, and the medical staff respected all the decisions I made during the labor and delivery. I felt respected and well-cared for. But 17 years later, I still get crap from my ex about how I "couldn't do it without drugs," as if it's one of my major failures in life. My son is a practically straight-A student, very sociable with lots of friends, a talented classical musician involved in interesting extracurricular activities, and no tolerance for drug use by his friends. We get along great, and he's the best thing that ever happened to me. I consider that a better indicator of my mothering skills than whether I had a needle stuck in my back for three hours almost 2 decades ago.
I think it's awesome if a natural home birth works out. I have plenty of friends who have had great experiences with it. I just don't like being judged so harshly because I made a different choice. My advice to pregnant women is, be flexible about your birth plan. Nothing else about raising children is amenable to rigid expectations, so get used to it.