Letters to the Editor
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I used to think that insulting people and yelling were the norm...
Based on my upbringing, where there was plenty of hollering and name-calling, I used to think it was "normal" to tell people they were stupid little ****s. But then I met people who don't behave that way, and, you know what? My rapier wit and snark gland are sitting there, unused, while I bask in the joy of actual collaboration rather than petty bickering.
The anger and the insults and the spankings are used to teach kids about the parents' expectations of "good" or "acceptable" behavior through shame,fear and the notion that the person in authority rules through punishment. While there is nothing wrong with a little healthy fear and/or shame, there are better, more positive patterns to use for socializing children and other people.
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Name calling
The middle name. It was the use of our full name or first and middle name by our parents that was the tip off that some rule had been broken, some boundry breached. When we heard that, we knew our goose was cooked. It had to include the middle name though, that's what middle names were for, a signal that you were in trouble. Otherwise, they were never used. Odd really, my parents were not in any way French, but the angrier they got the more formal they became! The parents were not spare the rod types. No face slapping.
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Advice, needed Or Not
I would like to think that you have enough common sense, not to mention far more than enough intelligence, to not even bother reading the PC bullshit, 'for shame' inanities, etc, that are almost certainly bound to dominate the letters today. I won't be reading them. These toads can preach to the choir to their dry, lifeless heart's content.
As for me, you are just way too bright and funny for this plane. And I actually hope you don't see my comment, as it would indicate you'd spared yourself the bleatings of the mealy-mouthed, do-gooder, pussies (oops) that seem to lurk in these "Reply to This Thing" sections, as a rule. Carry on, Heather.
Regards,
Brian Stegner
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It's satire, people.
Does anyone remember Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal"?
http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html
Havrilesky's comments are hyperbole, but her point seems to be that some firmness and discipline have a place in children's lives and help teach them limits and good behaviour. This doesn't mean soul-crushing abuse or even actual name calling, necessarily.
I can't believe I'm actually posting, but some of the sanctimonious, literal-minded stuff on here is just priceless...
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Actually
I listened to the recording and felt rather jealous. I wish my father had wanted to communicate so badly with me.
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a little name calling a little ''reality check'' for the future?
Gotta say that as (my) title would imply - perhaps a little toughening up would be appropriate. It's not a lolly-pop world out here.
Having been raised by a whacko parent who incessently called into question anything remotely creative or 'non-her' orientated - I must admit that having EVERYTHING belittled was righteously fucked. However, when I went to live with my Grandmother (me age 8) she would occasionally - and rightfully so - call me on various and sundry faults that I could work on. Some were more diplomatically put than others, but at least I KNEW she didn't mean to kill my spirit. I think every child knows the difference. At that means everything. Sometimes kids are 'little fuckers', 'spoiled brats' etc. and if they don't know it maybe it's not the worse crime of the century to enlighten them. BUT just NOT ALL THE TIME!
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What are words for?
I can relate to HH's article. I can't even remember all the names my parents (particularly stepdad) hurled; my mom was better at just a sharp, biting tone and "First name! Middle name! Last name!" rendered caustically.
But stepdad used things like "Pissant!" "Shit for brains!" "Shithead!" "Fuckface!" -- along with some particularly dramatic physical discipline for the worst offenses (hair-pulling, a deadly weapon when paired with 70s hair).
I think Gen X was probably the last generation from the parent-centric culture, where the kids were satellites who orbited around their parents' world; after that, things moved to a more kid-centric kind of arrangement. I don't know why that happened, exactly. Maybe as product marketing aimed lower, and kids became commodities/accessories, something changed, or maybe Baby Boomer parents didn't want to inflict what their folks did to them on their own kids; or maybe they just wanted to be friends to their kids, instead of parents.
While the name-calling and assorted parental meltdowns were something to get through, one thing I think kids today miss is being left alone. If parents ruled our Gen X world, at least when we were out of sight, they left us the hell alone, so long as we showed up before curfew had passed. I kinda feel bad for the kids today who're hoverparented and coddled and aren't left alone. Maybe they're not being called names by their best friend parents, but they're kind of being smothered in the process, infantilized.
Probably Baldwin's outburst (and its subsequent exposure) is more a reflection of his privilege than anything else. He's an actor, a celebrity -- he's used to getting his way. Same with Kim Basinger. Celebrity parents are probably the last bastion of parent-centered culture, where there's no way the kids can hope to outshine their folks, and get treated accordingly. Then again, I wonder how many celebrities are psychopaths; probably a lot -- paid incredibly well for comparatively easy work, lots of attention, power, money; yeah, I can see how it would draw them. Kim Basinger's airing of that call seems awfully psycho.
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Funny article
...though I still think Baldwin was out of line. For me it wasn't so much the name calling itself-- though calling any girl near puberty a 'pig' is pretty nasty-- as the anger and vitrol in the call. My SO thought he sounded drunk.
And in my neighborhood the people yanking their kids by the arm and screaming are what you non-PC folks call 'white trash.' Funny, the kids with the crazy, permissive parents often turn out better in the long run (though Lord knows, not always!).
While it's fashionable (and possibly right) to blame Kim Basinger, I keep thinking maybe the daughter passed the call to TMZ herself-- she's 11, which is plenty old enough to be tech-savvy, and hey, that call would've pissed me off at 11!