Letters to the Editor
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So I was watching "Garden State"
And I realized I was watching a coming of age story of people who are nearly 30. That's when I stopped paying attention to anything you precious fuckwits had to say about anything. You don't like people who get mad? Fine. Now go play duck duck goose somewhere else.
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And by the way
The fact that you didn't give your brat a splash of cold water once in a while is why s/he is a whiny bitch now. S/He in fact is not the center of the world and pity's the sake no one straightened them out on that point a long time ago. Because now it's too late and s/he is an irritating narcissistic asshole. Any 12 year old who claims that your yelling at them made them a twisted tattooed pierced sleeping around pothead is yanking your chain.
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That reminds me of a story . . .
Hubby and I were having dinner with another couple years back and stumbled onto the subject of yelling at the little darlings, on which this couple disagreed. She said, "But when you yell at them you're not teaching them anything." To which my hubby replied, "You're teaching them that they'll get a baaaad reaction when they piss people off!"
Sigh!
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mr baldwin would have never acted like this in public
he would have given his daugther that "Don't Embarrass Me in Public" look that, magically, genetically, appears along with incredible baby love at the onset of fatherhood. instead it was leaked. by whom? a lawyer? kim? the daughter? who knows. but if it was the daughter, far worse than the words would be the *disappointment* she'd feel from her father (probably grow up to insult as "Anonymous" later). scattered thoughts. children *understand* a flash of anger, *they* have it all the time. far worse is the calm "talking to" with psychological referents. that doesn't spell L-O-V-E and is seen as utter contempt. (doubt me? watch the children of psychologists some day). when my wife's ex called up to see his kids, she'd always let him. oddly that gave me a feeling of *security* not jealousy. if she treated the father that way, when she didn't even like him, she'd treat me that way too - even if we split (no we didn't). you can't tell celebrities this, more's the pity. but as (outlaw) josie wales said "buzzards got to eat, same as worms" - lawyers got to work. finally there are some times when worse than words, but demeaning *attitudes* are helpful survival tools. my younger step was 9 when i began to raise him. he had been raised in jamaica by peasants and was totally illiterate. but he was clever. no one knew he couldn't read at all. one day i bought him a comic book and ten minutes later he asked for another. i said, no one can read that fast, show me. of course he couldn't. i spent the next few hours tutoring him (by the "jewish method" - will explain later). i said, it's my RESPONSIBILITY as a father that you learn to read. but i'm not running any Socrates Day Care. if you don't want this to happen, afternoon after afternoon, learn how to read. i told his teacher, she told the reading resource teacher. when he retired at the end of the school year he sought me out and said, "your son is one of the reasons teaching can be so rewarding. most kids don't want to learn, but he did and tried really hard." i smiled and thanked him - and inside was smiling even louder, "socrates day care". he graduated magna from Brown. now, the "jewish method", it's not for the faint-hearted. it's largely contempt, sneering if the child doesn't remember. it's *harsh*. the kid is quivering shivering and not happy. the greatest praise comes if the child can give a coherent argument - and stand by it - for an opinion you oppose. the kid turns out tough sure of himself/herself, and argumentative. (perfect for kim's and alex's lawyers (sigh)). it's particularly good for women. it toughens them up and makes them value their own opinions - which don't come out sounding "shrill" but self-assured. what i've found is that it needn't be given in large doses (for you overworked parents), the child will learn by himself/herself - just so not to have to go through it. they hate you at the time. but love you later, when papers, orals, come easy.
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Name Calling
Well, if the parents aren't doing it, the children certainly are. One of my fave sites is the Online Dictionary of Playground Slang. It will stand a few adult hairs on end:
http://www.odps.org/glossword/index.php?a=index&d=4
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question
Has no one considered that the 11 year old might have leaked the message herself? Maybe it's her big f you to both of her parents. That's what I'm hoping anyway.
11 year olds know their way around technology and are generally fairly savy people even if they are prone to act out in childish ways, like posting/leaking a message.
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a nation of arrogance
I wonder what america will be like when the kids of today become the bulk of productive society. parents of today have created a nation of spoiled brats who were told they were the greatest at what ever they did and encouraged to do things they simply weren't good at? what they need is a little adversity, a scattering of verbal abuse, maybe a slap once in a while from the parents and a good caning from a teacher.
otherwise what your left with is arrogance and bad art. elitist jackanapes!
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It comes down to one simple thing
If you call your kid names, it teaches your kid that it's acceptable to call people names.
If you call your kidsnames and then try to stop them from calling other people (or you) names, it teaches them that you're a hypocrite.
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"I told you not to be stupid, you moron."
Those are the words of the father of the great Howard Stern.
Seriously, I tell relatively new parents (I am a relatively old one), the key to happiness is very simple. When kids get at the "terrible twos" stage you must NEVER, EVER give in to them. If you do, you will be in for a life of misery. Just a couple times that you can't get back, they are taught that you will eventually give in. My wife sees so many of these "going to be miserable for the rest of their lives" parents at day care.
As far as name calling goes, in excess anything is bad. In the heat of passion, it is going to happen. As long as your kids know you love them (and, by the way, you apologize) it is no big deal. PC types, relax.