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• Wednesday, April 25, 2007 11:06 PM

  makes me want to call Heather names

  For several years, I worked at a child abuse agency. I heard parents who abused (beat or tortured) their children state that they had been "beaten" or "burned" and it had not hurt them.

  When I hear defense and justification for the disgusting things Alec Baldwin said to his daughter, I am enraged.

  Children do not deserve to be treated disrespectfully. They have the right not to be called names, nor to have their self esteem eroded by the (alleged) grownups who are charged with their care and welfare.

  My parents did not call me names, nor did they call each other names.

  Of course, I have lost my temper with my children and said things I should not have. However, when I've been inappropriate I have told them I was sorry, that I should not have said what I did. Often I may say that what they did was wrong, but that I should have responded in a better way.

  Treating children respectfully and raising children with rules, guidelines and boundaries are not incompatible.

  We get CONSTANT comments about how polite our children are from strangers, teachers, day care providers and friends. That's because we don't tolerate rudeness. We consistently demand that our children be courteous. We tell them that we (my partner and I) are courteous to each other, and are polite to them. It's a rule in our house (along with the no hitting rule).

  We encourage them to be affirmational and not critical with each other. We do the same with them. We refuse to be mean spirited. We notice and praise good behavior.

  We ask them whether they would rather be like Dudley Dursley (whose parents spoil him so that he is ill mannered, and mean) or like the Weasleys (whose parents are strict, but love their children).

  It takes great strength of character and discipline to be kind to your children, yet teach them morality and character.

  We also teach our children that they do not have to put up with the bullies, the foul mouthed, and the rude children in school and on the playground (the ones whose parents swear, call them little fuckers, or thoughtless little pigs, or who have no manners). We tell them they can stand up for themselves, and defend themselves in case of physical attack.

  I'm disgusted with all of you who are teaching your children to be as rude as you are.

  Susan McGee, Eureka, California

  —SusanGSMcGee Read SusanGSMcGee's other letters
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