Letters to the Editor
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homesick
this yearning that poets and and playwrights have been writing about since we crawled out of our neolithic caves, practically, is the price of sentience.
No other creature on planet Earth understands that it will die. We do. No other creature on planet Earth has a religion (wishful thinking to the contrary). We do.
For awhile, up to about age 40, give or take 10 years, we are immortal. Each one of us. It is the finest time of life, in a way, for that reason.
Then, something happens. A traumatic event, the slow evolution of consciousness, whatever it is, we realize that we are not immortal. That we will die, existence will cease.
The fact that Ms. Miles came to this particular path at the time in life when she did is not especially surprising.
The desire to go back to that state of immortality cannot be underestimated. That desire is probably the root of most religious experience.
I am quite certain there is nothing after we die. As material things, we are subject to the laws of thermodynamics.
But I can understand that yearning. I feel it myself, often. More often now than ever. It's part of being sentient. It's taken me a long time to accept this. And, even now, at moments, the yearning is so great it can feel as if I am drowning. But it is not God. It is not Jesus. Satisfying that yearning is not some kind of supernatural grace. It is just being human. That's all.
Religion would be fine if it did not cause so much terrible violence and damage and death in this world, to us, to our planet. We tolerate all kinds of harmless neuroses in other people. It's part of being human. But I fail to see why religion somehow gets a pass. It doesn't. It's a potentially violent and deadly neurosis like any other.
To the extent religion allows people to satisfy that intense yearning for what cannot be--to go back, and be as a child, and as an immortal, at one with the physical world, as Wordsworth so longed for--it is nothing but a good thing. To the extent religion requires those who believe in it to convert everyone around them, even at the point of a sword or a gun, it is deadly, and should be fought at every turn.
Like all human things, religion cannot be all good. We should bring our sentient judgement to it, as we should to all things under the sun.
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LeCastor, what can i say?
you make just as much sense as i do. however, be careful about your militantly atheist catholic, remember anne rice? the vampire gal? she was an atheist like her husband but when he died she reverted - went back to church, wrote a book on jesus (a trilogy, i think, appropriately enough). yes, there was a clue in her case - vampires? blood is life? interesting these horror plots. frankenstein and science, vampires and catholicism. anyway, watch out! the jesuits may be right after all ("give the child to me till seven, after that, ait's not important" - creepily efficient!) why do i make you doubt? i want you back. i like your mind. i want you to be part of my people. you ask, would i be happier if my kids married some orthodox? it'll never happen. too smart. i think all are atheists, more so than even i. my daughter says i really believe in god. i told her, my heart believes, my brain knows it's all nonsense - including the heart part. most of us *have* these "spiritual" longings, beliefs whatever. life is too random. too arbitrary. as you get older and people start dropping off, you wonder. here's a poem i wrote for a friend who just died. "you never smoked and yet you croaked. a little cell got in your head and grew and grew until you're dead". maybe not you, but i and many others want to believe we are more important than meat. i think it's ok till you want validation - then you start getting obnoxious and worse. if this sounds scattered it's because it is. it's not rational. yet it *is* part of me. as i said, i learned a lot by my interaction with you. (and episcomom). do you just think of yourself as "american"? is that enough? i suppose if america had offered sanctuary to my parents' relatives i would feel more american. as it is, while i fully understand why bush can say, "this is my country" - he and his *own* it. it's not mine - at least not in that way. america has let me live. that's about it. so i find an identity other than that. for me it's jewish - even though the only real advantage is that i *know* they won't kill my children merely for *being* jewish. as i said, thanks, it's obvious to me now that i have an obsession - it's just not obvious what it really is.
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Growing up Christian
I read Sara's essay with a certain sadness because as others have pointed out, there is a clear desire to fill something missing in her life, some void that she feels and cannot explain.
I grew up in a devout Christian household and began having questions at age 12 that could not be answered satifactorily by anyone involved with the church, not my parents, not the deacons, not the pastor. I would say this to Sara and anyone who feels this search for spiritual answers: Those questions are the heart of your intellect and your being. You are smart enough to ask them, so why must they be answered by some religious dogma, even by the myth of Christ? You cannot cherry-pick the parts that you love in the Bible and feel connected to, because then you cannot critique those who cherry-pick the nastier, patriarchal, violent, domineering, and proselytizing parts.
There doesn't have to be a disconnect between rationality and spirituality at all. I feel immensely spiritual when I'm playing music, for example, but the journey is inward for the mind and outward with those I'm playing with. There doesn't have to be some mythological creature I've "accepted" into my heart.
Use your head Sara. "God" gave it to you so you wouldn't be duped.