Letters to the Editor
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Yeesh, Neal, your parents...
...disapprove of the town where you live, your selection of house, and the fact your wife is gentile. _And_ they think your kid's name is stupid. Why are you still giving them any kind of approval over anything you do--given that it's obviously impossible to please them? ITA with previous posters--either your wife is going to get fed up and hit the road...or your life is going to be a miserable round of trying to make your parents happy unless you get your act together. Even if you were exaggerating for effect, just a little of this sounds like a grim way to live.
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Neal's a bigger pussy than his wife
And that's saying something. You tell the grandparents to fuck off if they act like children. Cut off all relations. Screw them. It's none of their fucking business. But no ... you two cave for absolutely no good reason. I can't believe neither of you had the backbone to simply do what was best for the child.
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And a Jew is what?
I see a lot of people mocking and criticizing the op because he lacks courage. To me, that’s rather unfair and culturally insensitive in itself… not everyone in every culture are fine with just blazing their own individual path even if its against their parents wishes. Jewish culture is family oriented. And that means Jewish men (and women) are more likely to respect their parents wishes, even if those wishes are not rational. If you changed this story so that the author was Chinese, Japanese, Indonesian, or Arab, etc… would people still criticize him for folding under parental pressure?
I also see a lot of debate on why circumcision is good or bad here. Jews don’t circumcise because of the practical affects anyway, although through my own research, I’m convinced that circumcision is beneficial. But in any case this line of argument is just dumb. Some are worried about pain caused to babies as if pain should never be inflicted for positive result. Some talk about how it decreases the enjoyment of sex…as if they would know. Some are talking about adults who got circumcised and then reported less enjoyment…as if that can be compared to being circumcised since birth? Comparisons to female circumcision … which, in the history of the human race, can never claim to have had a medically beneficial affect, and which WILL seriously affect the woman’s ability to enjoy sex. Wow…this is a lot of nonsense.
But I expect this sort of nonsense. Especially coming from non-Jews, who don’t have a cultural stake in this issue. Who see it as a “going with the crowd” issue. Who worry about their kids sticking out in the lockeroom because their penises look different. Jews stick-out without anyone looking at our penises. We stick-out in our hearts.
The most disturbing thing I see here though, are the letters from my brother Jews about how the author’s child is not really Jewish. I understand Orthodox Jews feel they have their monopoly on this definition, however, I just have to ask… who died and elected you guys to be the Pope(s) …of the Jews?
Really… its not your “place” to tell the author his son is not Jewish because the mom is not Jewish (it may be your right to tell him that only because Freedom of Speech is protected in democracies). I am a Reform Movement Jew so what I’m saying here may just not mean anything to Orthodox Jews… We mourn the loss of the temple, but really, from the time the Torah was brought to our people - and we taught our children to read that great work- we never needed the temple or the priests. Our laws and communal culture are very important, but we are individually responsible to read the Torah ourselves because the Jewish identity is up to each individual to uncover in him/herself. This is one of the key elements which makes us Jews into a great nation – that, and our cultural strength, our faith, and the emphasis of Judaism to live life the right way for the sake of just living it the right way (and not for some imaginary, unconfirmed afterlife). However, this means that the traditions which we practice are also open to individual interpretation. And that means, to me, that if the author practices Judaism, and passes his faith, his beliefs, his morals, and his traditions to his son, then the son can wholly and without reservation claim to be a Jew.
So to my fellow Jews…please keep this shtick about the baby’s religious status to yourselves. Claiming the baby is not Jewish because of “the law” reflects poorly on you.
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this story is of concern really only to jews
and specifically, the 50% that admit to nonbelief.(which doesn't, of course, preclude a spiritual nature - that comes with being human)
why stay jewish?
are jews a people or just a religion?
why are there still jews around?
one halachic fact that wasn't mentioned is that you can have a jewish child even if your wife isn't (there's a circumcision for conversion and a simple ceremony for a daughter who is less than twelve) as for me, i loved the defiance of the jews the best, i wanted my children to be jewish. it's the only really important thing they'd ever inherit from me. my wife's jamaican - that ended family (and friend) problems right there - they stopped speaking to me. i told her that it was important to me that my kids be jewish - and i wanted all jews to recognize them as such - so that meant an orthodox conversion. she agreed without a pause - she saw i was serious. you might very well think the orthodox strange, but if you validate them by seeking their approval, you'll find them VERY WARM (as, upon reflection, you realize they must be - they are asking a lot from adherents). due to the kindness of the attendant she was able to paricipate in the necessary mikveh in spite of a great fear of water (she said later that she had avoided baptism in jamaica for that very reason, and it was funny that eventually she had to go through with it). my experiences with circumcision (i had two sons - my first was my daughter) were comparable to all of those who described it done with a mohel - easy and apparently painless (the first didn't cry at all, the second only for a second). yes, i was proud - in fact, i revelled in its barbarity - strange to say it but the sucking and spitting out of the blood (though the gauze - no herpes here) was so WEIRD; i loved it. Something STRANGE OLD OLD and ANCIENT was going on here. Finally, we've been together for donkey's years and they all turned out great (they are 21, 20 and nearly 19, (me and Bev are 60 and 57)) and have no problem with their race, their religion or themselves. jews have a separate destiny - one which you can partake of or not, as you so choose - but you REALLY ought to discuss it with your mate. finally, i think of my wife as like Ruth and love her all the more for it.
"whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me."
i wish you all, "jew and greek", the luck we have had.