what a beautiful, haunting essay. I relate so well to all of it.You described my sister's life and my heartbreak. I have never seen the realities of poverty laid out so compassionately.

Good luck to you-

The most pragmatic and challenging writing presented in Salon in a long long time that addresses the separations of class and, hence, American social political philosophies.

Thanks.

This is one of those rare personal essays that is both well-written and interesting!

This sounds like a heartbreaking situation. Maybe you can't provide for your son anymore, but the grandkids probably use some read-aloud books, a trip to the museum or zoo, etc. Just a thought. Good luck!

... and now imagine that instead of educated, middle class Sallie Tisdale, the writer was herself someone born in poverty, and working several jobs to pull herself and her children up by their own bootstraps. Imagine her mother or sister or brother or one of her older kids doing what Rafael and Corina are doing, and making those kinds of demands (lend/give me money, babysit my kids, bail me out, let me move in with you ...) and you have the dilemma of the would-be upwardly mobile that the securely middle-class just can't even begin to imagine or understand.

And that's without it going to the next level--when they actually steal from you, or steal your identity by setting up credit card accounts or car insurance in your name because their own rating is in the toilet--or they deal drugs in your house, or seriously abuse their children (your grandchildren or nieces/nephews), or they go to jail and leave you with the children, or they OD or get shot and leave you with the kids AND the funeral expenses ... . The struggle between self-preservation and family obligation is a real, real moral dilemma for responsible, hardworking people who are trying to make it out of poverty.

will make a difference. I grew up under a cloud of cigarette smoke, with constant television and sugar injections at every meal, an agressive father, and on top of a flea-ridden carpet. Frequent visits to the grandparents helped me feel like part of a bigger family, diverse as it was! Among my extended family: factory workers, mental incompetents, congressmen, alcoholics, institutionalized depressives, lawyers, stay-at-home moms, thespians, drug dealers, and doctors, to name a few. I learned to love and respect them all and most certainly became my own person, despite and because of these influences.

I have appreciated your beautiful and personal writing on the Northwest, the land I consider my spiritual home. Every kid finds his own way. It will be okay.

We struggle with many of the issues presented here in our personal lives. And I contemplate so many issues that are so much worse around the world with families and children.

I married a young girl, 18 yrs old, when I was 27. I didn't know she had been sexually abused from age 12 to 18 by her dad. We were married 13 yrs. We have a great son, 21 yrs old. But the divorce was hard for me, and of course harder on our son. She divorced me, she was pregnant with another man's baby. I didn't want to be separated from my son.

When I started to date again, I asked my date if she had ever been sexually abused...because if she had been, I didn't want to have a relationship. She hadn't been. BUT 3 of her 5 children were sexually abused by her 2nd husband.

We are happily married to this day (12 yrs later) but we are raising a grandson born to her second oldest daughter who is retarded and epileptic. The grandson is retarded and epileptic. But he is the light of my life and we love him dearly. We have 8 grandchildren between us and we love them all.

I only presented those details of our lives because I have gradually become aware of how awesome yet brutal and finally sad life can be, y'all. Don'tcha know?

And I fully sympathise with the author of the article.

My advise: stick in there, you can't be their support but you can enjoy some moments. Don't believe for one moment that you are solely responsible for their lives. You aren't (I know you already know this, I am just offering my real agreement). You have a life, until you die. Live it for you...mostly. You cannot be the one they turn to...as you said, you have opted out of that.

It was a breath of fresh air to read that someone is having to deal with the problems of human life that happen to so many of us.

Even the problems that happen to 'the lucky, fortunate, good ones.'

And I include myself with the author. We are good people, saddled with stressful situations.

I'm rambling. Sorry. But life...for the innocent and young...can be such a drag!

love to y'all, Jeff Johns 130 Canterbury St., Lawrenceburg, KY

As a frequent critic of Salon, I commend Salon for publishing this wonderful article.

I have also lived in the northwest, and miss it terribly. I am back east in the middle of nowhere because housing is cheaper here, tho my son and I are still struggling. My father helped me buy this house. I am divorced, get child support regularly and work full-time, but still often have to borrow money. We don't have cable, get our videos from the library, are vegetarians, and I do know how to be frugal with money and shopping, and still I'm sometimes extravagant, going to Starbuck's I mean, not big screen TVs or things like that. Not everyone who is struggling is struggling because they don't know any better. Sometimes you just can't afford things because they cost a lot. When I have extra money in the checking account, there are always bills waiting to be paid or some kind of big thing we've been going without like winter jackets or boots or hair cuts or an oil change. Money just goes. I really enjoyed the article, well written and from the heart. I'm glad Rafael is doing better, and the kids are really lucky to have you for a grandmother. Maybe I'll go back to school myself and learn to do something that does pay the bills.