Letters to the Editor
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No suprises here
So let me get this straight. The author begins with a list of her qualities that are liabilities in dating, but then goes on to describe meeting a man who loves her anyway. A man who accepts her for who she is, and doesn’t expect her to change. A man who is willing to give up his life’s passion for her. Rational people would think that’s great.
But great isn’t good enough. She still expects him to change as proof of his love. And so the old story plays itself out again: "If he really loved me, he’d stop/start/change X."
Sure he’s smart, interesting, involved with the kids, a good cook and everything else, but one of his friends is a jerk. Sure he loves her, but he isn’t psychic and doesn’t realize then when she takes his hand out of hers, he’s supposed to stand up and defend her honor.
Someone who is this much of a silly twit deserves to be unhappy. I just feel sorry for the guy and her kids, who she will insist on making miserable in the process.
I knew as soon as soon as I read "still shop at Kohl's" that I should have stopped reading.
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Compromise is the name of the game
Ann - you are very lucky. Your passion and your profession collide. If you need to go away for 10 days for a book tour, or for 4 weekends in a row - hubbie doesn't get to complain, after all it is work. If he goes along he gets to wait for you while you do 3 early am radio plugs, an am local tv show, spend the afternoon waiting while you sign books and then go to dinner with your local publisher's rep. Boring, tiring. He gets to see you, but not be with you and he can't complain because it's your work.
Maybe hubbie could take up something acceptable like marathon running and acting in the local community theater. BTW if you have ever been involved with someone into either of these past times they take up HUGE amounts of time and go year round.
OK then back to the motor cross stuff. How about the two of you agree on a reasonable and mutually acceptable number of long weekends for him to go away. I say 4. You sit down with the calendar in winter when the race dates come out. Together you pick 4 race weekends for him to participate in. Then you send him alone on 2, you attend 1 and your whole family goes together to watch him race in another. I would suggest you make the ones you attend close, but that's your decision. When you and the family attend you go as watchers knowing your husband will be busy. He is performing, competing, racing, he can't and shouldn't have to coddle you. Go to cheer him on. Surely you wouldn't expect to be coddling him between radio interviews on a book tour. You would expect him to suck up and deal.
When it is race time, hubbie needs to leave knowing that all is good at home. It is not fair to try and whine him out of a race you both agreed upon. He should come home to a happy house. If he makes you happy dropping a bunch of races then he should be made happy about the ones he goes to. Also know your deal is iron clad. You don't get to ask him to trade because you have a book tour, a friend's wedding, a cold, the kid's graduation what ever. Just as you expect him not to ask for an additional race beyond your agreement.
Don't forget that those few weekends alone are a great time to spend with your kids, go to a spa, hole up wriing, and or go and visit friends of yours he's not crazy about!
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True, but he made the choice
I agree with the comments that point out how shoddily this article is written; the only reason I finished it was because I half-expected a horrible crash at the end, or the messy divorce of a five-day-old marriage. I feel a little bit cheated.
However, I feel the need to point out that while the author DOES come across as a whiny, want-it-all-but-can't-directly-ask-for-it kind of woman, no one can ever FORCE anyone to give up anything. Even if she gave him an ultimatum (which I don't think she did, right?) he made the choice. Everyone has free will - don't weaken the man by assuming he's a mindless drone who allowed her to make his decisions for him.
That being said, when will women learn that you marry someone because of who they are, not who you want them to become?!
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Life is not one big orgasm.
Thanks Tyler, but I don't need your pity. I'm living a wonderful life without putting my health on the line on a regular basis.
A life insurance policy isn't going to make your death hurt your spouse and/or children any less. Those kids are going to spend the rest of their lives wondering why you loved racing more than them.
Life is not one big orgasm. Sometimes we need to compromise and make the responsible decision. That doesn't mean that our lives are boring or that our "spirit is broken." There is plenty to enjoy in life without racing motorcycles. Anyone that thinks differently is delusional and/or very childish. In the end, its the ones we love that make our lives worth living, not work, our accomplishments in the wider world, or a hobby.
Also, good luck finding an insurance policy that's going to pay if you die on a race track.
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ok, i sucked it up and finished the essay after all
it's both better and worse than i thought.
worse, because it turns out that she pressured him to give up his passion because of a few stupid comments by his friends!?!? what a self-centered, passive-aggressive, immature, insecure bitch.
better, because the guy apparently knows and doesn't care. as another commenter pointed out, he married it. he knew before they married that she was a self-centered, passive-aggressive, immature, insecure bitch and he still married her. so they both deserve each other.
but us salon readers still don't deserve to have to read this crap.