Letters to the Editor
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The etiology of divorce
The style of this piece was insufferable, but I soldiered through anticipating the ending where he gives up racing for the shrew. No surprise there.
The author spends most of the article illuminating this man's good points, yet she can't help herself. There is still passion and joy in his life that doesn't revolve around her. Therefore she must destroy it.
Another Bridezilla rages against her man being his own person. I hope they keep separate checking accounts, as it makes the divorce easier.
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"I risked all for a life at the track"
The author claimed she risked all. Really? What did she risk? What did she bring to the relationship? As a woman and a motorcyclist, this article broke my heart.
Who wants to bet that once he stops racing the author starts finding herself a little less attracted to him?
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This just seems to be asking for trouble.
Yeah, motorcycle racing is dangerous. But on the other hand, it's gonna kill his spirit to have given up something he loves that much for her. Eventually, maybe already, he's gonna resent her for it.
Plus, there's his friends. He chooses to TELL HER when they are saying bad things about her? He doesn't defend her? His friends are asses, yes, but he's contributing to the assitude. Certain friends of mine didn't like my last ex, but I didn't go TELL HIM TO HIS FACE that they didn't like him. It makes things awkward for everyone in social situations, plus makes your partner feel like crap.
I wouldn't give this one more than a couple of years. If she lets him race again and/or he tells his friends to cram it or keeps his mouth shut, it could work. But someday soonish she's going to be sorry she married this dude under these circumstances. It's a shame for her and her kids.
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i couldn't finish this essay
why was this essay even published? even for salon, this is way too much whining over nothing.
let the man have his hobby! what the fuck? if you are really that threatened by the fact that he has a life of his own, that is pitiful. there are plenty of boring men who want nothing more than to spend each weekend on the couch watching tv sports. go find one and leave this poor guy who actually has something in his life that he is passionate about alone.
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Passive Aggressive Soul Diminishing Dreck
Was there anything to like about this article? The whining. The soul-crushing. The absolutely terrible writing form. Can I have my ten minutes back?
Let the guy race. How old is he? 40-ish? He can't do it much longer, anyway. Cycle racing is a young man's sport, he'll be on a Gold Wing soon enough, or at least a VFR.
And let me include you on an important fact that we guys have been trying to tell you women for millenia...We're not frickin' mind readers. When you "pull your hand slowly from his," that may not indicate to him that you do not approve of the current conversation and need him to take some kind of action. Criminy.
If the new husband is reading this, RUN LIKE HELL!!! She will make your life miserable. Find a woman who will not only support you in the fun, dangerous sport of your choice that reminds you life is fleeting and should be lived in the moment, but comes out to cheer you on. I did. They're out there. Save your salmon ceviche for a woman who deserves it.
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married men should not be racing motorcycles
Motorcycle racing is dangerous. There is no question of that. One can not be competitive without endangering one's life. Everyone who races is going to end up in the hospital eventually.
A married person who has a spouse and children that depend on him or her (emotionally, if not financially), should not risk his or her life for something that is not necessary. To do so is simply irresponsible and selfish.
The husband can enjoy motorcycles like most motorcycle riders do, by riding for enjoyment. There is nothing better than spending an afternoon or weekend on the open road.
One should also not have to stifle one's beliefs in the face of a spouse's ignorant friends. The spouse should be aware that the comments hurt and come to the spouse's defense.
Life is tough sometimes. The best thing about marriage is that you have someone who's on your side when times get tough. The husband needs to decide if his friends or his wife are more important.
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Just a thought
As other writers have said, congratulations to the author for making it her goal to kill her husband's passion. Perhaps in a few years she'll be rewarded with his transformation into the scrubbed, passionless eunuch she apparently desires, though he'll preferably still remember how to handle some tools so the garage door stays fixed.
Hopefully the author won't also kill his passion for teaching her children higher algebra and helping them apply for college.
Considering the tone of the article, it's not surprising that she not once considers any kind of compromise.
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Analysis
Let's analyze a bit: She mentions that she's neither fashionable nor beautiful. She says that she's smart and self sufficient. She talks about him loving her even though she's not like the other halter-topped women at the track. She then goes on to talk about his intelligence, his cooking skills, and his rutting, bearded, grease-stained manliness.
It almost sounds like she's trying to turn him into what she thinks she herself is (probably wrongfully so): intelligent but sexually unattractive.
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Touching
I thought this was a touching piece,describing the conflict between here head and her heart.
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mike in NM
I'm so sorry for you.
Wills, trusts, insurance policies - those are how you meet your support obligations.
Other than that, love life. Especially if you have kids. Don't show them that parenting is a prison. Show them that it is part of an adventure. Take them along. They'll like you more. They'll respect you more. They'll be more interesting. They'll be your friends after they grow up. Most importantly, they are more likely to grace you with grand kids.
Love life, to keep your marraige alive. When little passions die, big ones wither. Be interesting so she's interested. You don't want to look up out of your rut and see her rutting with someone else.