This article was either supremely sarcastic or honest and really depressing.

If the latter, I recommend a quick and profound attitude adjustment!

First off, recognize that there is no going back, barring adoption. Also, recognize that the key to being a good parent is unselfishness. You are no longer the most important person in your life; accept it. Now.

Accept that career achievement should not be (and is not for many of us) as gratifying as being a good parent. Other than the money, the main point of careerism is more or less proving that you are good at something, and gaining the approval of others, right? You can do this via parenthood, too. And, trust me, feeling good about your parenting is much tougher than feeling good about your work, so those few fleeting moments when you actually feel like you are a good parent are absolutely and totally fulfilling. If fleeting.

And for Pete's sake, top calling your baby a lamprey. You are setting yourself up for failure.

If this article instead was just a sarcastic parody, I can assure you that those parents with an outlook similar to my own did not find it entertaining.

From a very imperfect but loving father of 3 (under 5).

Heather -- have a double shot of the best cognac you can afford (and no it won't hurt him/her...) read a good book, take a nap...you and and he/she will be fine.

Sure you'll be disappointed in each other in 25 years but so what? Getting over disappointments is among the best ways to grow that I know of.

Like the old song says, all ya haf ta do is act nachrally..... it's not so difficult....you'll both be fine so long as you DO NOT READ ANY DAMN BOOKS ABOUT MOTHERING FATHERING PARENTING DOOLAS ATTACHMENT DISORDERS MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES OR WHATEVER CRAP PUBLISHERS ARE CRANKING OUT THESE DAYS......become a functional illiterate for about the next 5 years.

Well, you are getting a lot of advice--you ought to write a book. I have written lots of books while having children (now teens and adults) and here is my advice.

1. Have a babysitter come to your house for two hours every weekday, and use that time to write (or, at first, nap). Start balancing the writing with the baby from the second month at the latest. Two hours is a good break that gives you time to recharge. If possible, don't use your partner for this--men like to help, but they also tend to complain about it, thereby making you feel guilty.

2. Remember that placating is bad and indulging is good. Children feel that you love them when you are kind, generous, open, and affectionate, just like everyone else. But if you find yourself giving in because you are afraid of them and their reactions, then you are placating, not indulging. Never give in when the child threatens you.

3. Don't try to protect them from their culture. Barbie? TV? Video games? Go ahead--excess is bad in anything, but this is the culture they live in--they need to learn to manage it, not to flee it or long for it.

4. No religious training. It scares them. They will discover that on their own later, when they are old enough to handle it.

5. Pay attention. When you pay attention, even if you make mistakes, that's when they feel that you love them. Their job is to push you away. Give them something to push, and don't feel hurt when they do their job.

After reading this article in its entirety, I STILL desperately want to have a baby. There have got to be some powerful hormones at work there. I guess it's how we exist as a species.

Oh, a baby! Heather, this letter is for you, not the general public. I have always loved reading your stuff, even though we no longer even have cable after the blue spruce knocked it out a few years ago. You are so funny. I am excited by the prospect of reading your future articles about parenting, if you are so inclined, since I am a recent parent. Well, 7yo and 4yo, but the tough years are still on my mind. I expect you will get a lot of angry mail in that subject area, but I hope Salon protects you. Just want to say, best wishes, I think you are great, and I hope you get one of those easy babies!

Susan in New Hampshire

What your friends haven't told you is that you're going to love your little lamprey so much that it won't matter that you're up at 3 am, again, changing his vomit and diarrhea covered sheets for the fourth time. You won't care, because every fiber of your being will be focused on making him feel better, and if changing the filthy sheets is all you can do, well, you're going to do it.

I remember the first time my daughter had a fever - it was 103.5, and it was in the middle of the night. I woke up and felt her (I am an attachment parent, oh, the horror, we co-sleep!) and she was on fire. I got up, gave her Tylenol, and then rocked her for hours in the middle of the night, waiting for her fever to go down. I didn't care a bit about the lost sleep, and it never occurred to me to go back to bed, even though she was sleeping. I had to know that she was ok, first, and that meant staying up and waiting, waiting, waiting for the Tylenol to do its thing.

I won't lie to you, the first several weeks/few months are really, really hard. I call it Baby Boot Camp. You're hormonal and sleep deprived and still healing from birth, and you've got this little creature who takes and takes and takes, and in spite of the fact that you took all the classes, you realize that there is no way that they could've prepared you for the reality of caring for this little life. It's overwhelming, and you think it is never going to change, and that it's going to be exhausting and overwhelming for the next 18 years, and it makes you want to run away from home.

But gradually, so slowly you hardly even notice at first, the baby starts to grow up. He smiles. He laughs. He sits up. He crawls. He walks. He says his first words. He's growing up and away from you, slowly, slowly, but away nonetheless, and it makes your heart break a little, even though it is bursting with pride over his accomplishment at the same time. You find yourself longing for the days when he was tiny and needed you so much, and you find yourself thinking, "Maybe he needs a little brother or sister..."

Nothing can prepare you for how difficult it is to be a mother, but nothing can prepare you for how wonderful it is, either. I thought I knew what love was before. I thought I knew what selflessness was before. I thought I knew what unconditional meant before... Ha. I've learned, and I continue to learn every day.

As for the nursing home, etc., the best way you can prevent that is by treating your own parents and other elderly relatives with respect. Your children will learn by your example. If you don't want to end up ignored and in a home, then don't put your parents in a home and ignore them. I would sooner die than allow my parents to be put away like that, largely because I saw the way they cared for their own parents, and I know that we don't treat people that way in this family. You might as well get into the mindset of teaching by example now, because you're going to be doing it for a long, long time.

By the way, breastfeeding is not always easy. It can really hurt, and it can be really difficult. If you have trouble, seek out the La Leche League - they're worth their weight in gold.

Good luck with your baby!